kāi

Forever

I = you/the reader
She = Brooklyn
You = the boy

I remember.

The day you got into an accident. You were laying on the crisp hospital bed, your heart monitor beeping beside you. I remember finding comfort in the constant beeps that meant you would come back to me, and also afraid, that the next moment the sounds will stop and you'll be taken away from me. Forever.

I was holding on to your hand, holding on like I was the one that might slip away into oblivion and never come back, when it's actually the opposite. I was praying with all my soul that you would be saved.

I slept in the chair beside your bed, my hand holding yours. Afraid to let go. You never woke once. But I woke too many times to count. I woke, hopeful, to see if your eyes would already be opened and staring at me. I woke, hopeful, to see if you were awake and would be as close as ever. I woke, hopeful, but my hope was that of a fragile butterfly, easily crushed. Because your eyes never opened.

Your best friend told me to go home. To take a rest. But I didn't want to. He insisted. Pushed. And I did. I went home. I slept, but it was restless. Me tossing and turning, so very afraid. I went back to the hospital, went to your room. I stood, afraid that if I sat I would fold into myself and never be able to get up anymore. I stood, and I looked at you. I didn't know how long I was doing that, but then I heard a sound. A whisper, a croak.

My eyes focused on yours, but they weren't opened. I stared longer, and I saw a slight movement. Your lips. I stepped closer, meaning to figure what you were trying to say. I heard a cough, and then a croak. It was so soft, nearly inaudible.

"Br-yn.."

"Broo-"

No, it can't be.

"Brook-lyn.."

I felt my whole body turn cold, like the tip of a sword was pressing against my heart, absorbing every bit of energy and heat. Felt it suck my life, my sanity. I waited. Waited for you to say more. Waited for you to call my name too. Your best friend.

There was a remnant of hope, but it diminished when she went to your side, cupped your face and leaned her forehead against yours. Whispering.

I stared at the white sheets of your bed, while your sister stared at me. I felt so numb. So tired. I felt stuck to the ground. But then suddenly a burst of energy shot through me, and I found myself gravitating towards the door. Leaving.

I told you before I'd never leave you. At least, not forever. I meant it. I meant it so much.

But I can't keep that promise anymore.

Because we weren't meant for forever

and forever wasn't meant for us.