The New Girl Handbook

The Dirty Bastard

Okay, I'm just going to get right into it.

;) the dirty bastard ;o

I hope that you noticed that I put the words - the, dirty, and bastard - all in lowercase. Why is that? You may ask? Simple. This prick doesn't deserve uppercase letters.

Yes, the uppercase is a privilege.

He doesn't even deserve a fake name, but I'll still give to him, because believe it or not, I'm really nice in my own special way.

So here we go, into the story.

So, here I was in science class. Every singe science class in my grade got together because some person agreed to bringing birds to our school library, so we all were there.

The Dirty Bastard - let's call him Eli - was right across from me. Then he started waving at me. So, being my naïve outgoing self, I waved back.

I was being friendly okay?

Then when he realized that a girl was actually paying him attention, he started blowing me kisses. I was weirded out, but I wasn't going to get intimidated by Eli freaking Gored, so I blew him kisses back, so this went on for until the bird lady started showing us some birds.

I later found out that I was super scared of any bird that isn't an owl that day.

I made sure not to dare look at Eli once.

Then a few days later, when I was I'm a lunch line, Eli started moaning my name into my ear.

It was the most revolting thing ever. He was like,  "Oh, Colette, oooohh, ahhhhhhhh Colette, right there!"

I was so uncomfortable,  because his friend kept on laughing because they heard...ew.

I just ignored it.

Wrong move. He kept on doing it. I kept on I ignoring him.

The weirdest thing was that when he did these things around teachers the just laughed it off. That kind of weird-ed me out.

Then I thought, "How did he even know my name?"

This is one of the biggest mysteries in the world to me, because I'm not too popular. I'm pretty sure I'm known for all of the embarrassing things that happened to me...so how he knows my name?
I have no flipping idea.

How to spot a Dirty Bastard

If he has red hair and green eyes and is tall...ask him how he knows my name.

Please?

Anyway...how to spot a DB.

This is so freaking hard, by the way, to spot one out of the blue. There are many DB's everywhere. I mean, he could be popular-ish (like Eli) or a loner.

Just be a wallflower for a day . . . then seriously you will know everybody.