Is It Worth It? (Mclennon Fic)

Chapter Ten

A.N: Thank you for 2k reads!!

John stood up quickly, leaving me alone on the kitchen floor. My eyes darted to the broken glass on the ground. I couldn't bring myself to look up, terrified of what I would see, so I focused hard on the red bottle top which was resting before me.

I could hear John breathing heavily, and out of the corner of my eye saw his hand reach for his hair.

With a gulp, I mustered up all the courage I had at that minute and glanced up. John had his hands covering his face, yet nobody seemed to have been the cause of the smashed bottle, meaning we must've bumped a chair or something and knocked it ourselves.

I felt myself relax a little, but seeing John still very on edge made me nervous. I knew how he could get when he was upset, and I started to worry.

"That could've been Cyn."

His words were almost hissed, although I couldn't make out whether he was angry or sad, or both. He dropped to his knees, and began to pick up the shards of glass with his bare hands.

"John, you'll cut yourself."
My voice was small and trembled more than I expected it to.

My words seemed to not have an effect on him, as he continued to delicately gather the broken cola bottle with only a tightened jaw as an indication that he had heard me. His hands were shaking, and I felt a sudden wave of uneasiness flood through me.

I got to my feet, grabbed a dish towel from the bench and made my over to John, where I knelt beside him. I took his hands in my own, and made him pour the broken glass into the towel. A few small pieces stuck to John's skin, making him bleed, but he didn't seem to notice. He continued to collect the pieces that were big enough, and placed them in the towel.

We worked together in near silence, which was only broken when I would release a yelp when I got the glass stuck in my hand.

When we had placed majority of the bigger pieces into the towel, John tied it shut.

"I'll put this in the bin. Could you get the Hoover? It's in the cupboard next to your room." John avoided my eyes as he spoke with a monotone voice, and I didn't even manage to mutter a response before leaving to retrieve the vacuum.

This day had become a mess, in every sense of the word.

I returned with the vacuum a short while later, to find John waiting for me. He gave me a quick nod which I assumed was a thank you, and grabbed the hoover from me. He turned it on and it roared to life, and I let out a sigh. I couldn't believe what these feelings were doing to the two of us. As soon as things begin to go right, they somehow end abruptly and without warning.

How could something that was so incredibly wrong, feel so right?

My train of thought was interrupted as he flipped off the Hoover with his foot.
He looked down at me, and held eye contact for a while before he brushed his jaw with his hand and opened his mouth to say something.

I felt ill.

He stood quietly, and it looked like he was trying to assess the situation in his head.

"I'll get my things and go home tomorrow." I breathed. "I think I'm just making things worse."

He let out a shaky sigh. "No, no Paul." He hesitated for a while before continuing. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have put the idea in your head that I actually like you like this."

He turned on his heel and carried the hoover back to the cupboard, giving me time to try to comprehend his words. Had this all just been a lie?

I felt a fire building in the pit of my stomach as I stormed down the hall.

"What the fuck do you mean by that?" I spat at him, tightening my fists.

He avoided my eyes. "I have a wife and a son, Paul." His voice was cold.

"What the hell was all that then? This thing that we've had going on, and don't you deny it because you're the one who kissed me ten minutes ago."

He slammed his fist against the wall, making me jump. "I don't know! I don't know what this is! I'm straight! It's illegal to feel this way toward you for God's sake, and if you hadn't noticed we have quite the reputation to uphold and I'd rather not fuck that up by getting involved with another man, let alone another band member!"

"Do you not think I'm confused too?" I screamed, my voice straining. "I've got myself a bird too, and I'm in a pretty popular band too, but I've sacrificed all that because of the way I feel about you John! Jesus, if you knew you were so confused, you shouldn't have let it get to this point! It's not fair to fuck around with my feelings like that, just because you're confused!"

John breathed heavily, before grabbing my face and planting an angry kiss upon my lips. I pushed him away.

"Don't do this to me John. Don't you dare."

I made my way to my room, heart pounding and head spinning. I couldn't think straight as I threw everything into my suitcase while muttering expletives under my breath. John didn't make such an effort to stay quiet, and his angry voice bellowed through the house before I heard the thump of a wall which was most likely caused by his fist again.

I felt myself becoming afraid, because I knew what John was capable of when he was angry.

I sat down on the bed and let myself burst into tears. I hated everything that this had become.

A.N: Don't worry ok this won't last long!! And I haven't forgotten that Paul's sick just in case you were wondering, it's just boring if all I had him doing in this book was him sleeping ok 😂 PS. I love reading all of your lovely comments, thank you!!