Divine Assistance

It's Official

Most people think that being a Sin Lord means you get to do whatever kind of shit you want. You can do whatever with no consequences, and all the demons of the Ring that you own bow to your feet and kiss your ass. Unfortunately, even the all-powerful have rules they have got to follow, and for me, that's attending these stupid Sin Lord meetings. A long time ago, they were held by Lucifer, but he's a recluse these days. I hear he's been getting better, thanks to his daughter, but rarely does anyone see him, except in the face of hell-shattering events.

So, Satan's been taking over for about, eh, a thousand or so years? He's really into it too. I think all that power goes to his head at times. Don't get me wrong. I love the guy like a brother, but he can be a total power-hungry dick at times. He used to be worse with his anger issues, too. That therapist has been doing wonders for him. I still remember that one time he got so angry that his energy bled into the human world and caused the volcano to explode. Poor Pompeii.

Still, Satan has been the one to keep us all in check. Much as Hell is an anarchist wet dream in many regards, you have to have some sort of rules and order to keep things from going too crazy. There have been times in Hell's history when things really went tits up when there was too much chaos allowed. And I'm not talking about the Exterminations, which were their own kind of fuck up. I mean the various civil wars, rebellions, disasters, and outright carnage that would make Portland look like the Vatican.

Anyway, here I am. Listening to the big guy go on about something. Since we're all in different sizes (in our standard form, at least), we each have our own section in the spherical room, which features banners of our respective Rings. Satan is the largest due to his size, followed by that big ass Mammon, who's giving his usual commentary as always.

"I'm just saying. Let me have a go at the tax negotiations with the mayors of the cities, and we'll get a sizeable donation," Mammon said with his usual greedy little look. "I think 70% is a good number!"

"First off, that's insane," Asmodeus said from his corner as he was filing his nails. "Second, fatty, the last time we trusted you with taxes, we had hundreds of rebellions, and it turned out you were 'offshoring' them for your special projects until we forced you to give it back."

"I was gonna return the investment! Honest!" Mammon faked an innocent glare.

"Yeah, and I'm a virgin," Asmodeus snorted.

"... How's my former employer doing? You still reaching around, flicking his jimmy switch, mate?" Mammon said to get under Asmodeus's skin, which seemed to work as his flames got hotter. "You might be his boyfriend, Ozzie, but I'm the one who still got to screw around with him first."

"You want to go motherfucker?! Because I will personally come over and barbecue your ass into ash!" Asmodeus shouted as his form expanded, and the temperature in the area intensified.

"BE SEATED, BOTH OF YOU, BEFORE I RIP OUT YOUR SKULLS!" Satan roared before slowly going into his breathing exercises. The two other Sins glared at each other before backing down. "I swear I'm babysitting children instead of actual grown-up demons of darkness. I'm already dealing with a headache after that Imp and Stolas situation. I don't need another one."

I winced at that. That was...a rough time. A week ago, Loona, her father, and the other two Imps from that company were arrested for treason and using power they were never supposed to have to access the human world. Apparently, they were using a Goetia book to go back and forth. Such crimes warranted death. Naturally, I had their backs as did Ozzie since his boyfriend was childhood friends with Loona's Dad, Blitzo.