Last night was only the begining. My hell grows and my pain with it. Sometimes I lay in bed and wonder if they would miss me. If life would be better. Then I remember what would happen after I'm gone. I remember that they would call me selfish and say all I wanted was attention. Even the ones I called my friends would question my actions. I remember that people will forget me and even if they remembered me; no one remembers the good times do they. All they ever remember is how you fucked up. How you let them down.
I wipe my eyes that are now crying even though I don't cry. As I lay there tears slowly drowning me, at least I hope they are, I realize that I'm more alone then I think. I realize that this life I'm living is worthless just like me. I'm nothing but a fuck up.
***
I'm sorry. Those two words have destroyed me. I carve them in my skin alone with other words. They have become the only words I speak now that is if I speak at all. I'm gone numb and the words: "I'm sorry" come easy. I'm no longer saying because I want to I say it, yet cause I have to. I've become so scared. Scared of words and it's hell. It's like I can't escape but im the one holding the key.
I know my life could be better. I know i could change it I have that power. I could turn my hell into heaven. I could out grow the fear I could move on and breathe easy for once. I could stop looking over my own damn shoulder. There are so many things I could do with my life. I could show the world and make something of my life. Be someone. Do I want that though?
*short chapter*
YOU ARE READING
Just Think
RandomCan you hear it? It's there in the silence, waiting. Mocking you, filling your mind with darkness telling you your nothing. Do you believe it? I did.
