Have you ever stared at your scars, ran your fingers over them and felt the cuts? Even though they are healed you can still feel them, feel how you skin splits. I use to not like my scars. I didn't like how they looked, I felt like they made my skin dirty. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to look at your skin and not see them?
Do you regret it? Do you regret cutting? For awhile I did, but honestly I don't. I don't regret it because it became a part of me. The scars, the cuts, the pain, it's all there and it's not going anywhere. What happens when they fade though?
You start to miss them, you feel lost and bare. So what do you when that happens? Want to know what i did?
Two pills, one beer, glassy eyes, and one blade. Sitting there feeling sorry for myself. Same old reason, same stuipd feelings. The same debate, trying to talk myself out of it. The problem was i just didnt want to stop, i just wanted to cut. I missed it, the scars were leaving me, the memory of its kiss fading. What was i suppose to do?
I finish my drink, quickly take my sleeping pills and I lay there just thinking. Thinking of what life would be like if I never made that first cut. What would I be? Who would I be? Would I like her? It doesn't matter I grab my blade and push it to my skin.
One cut, two cuts, three cuts, four. Watch as blood drips to the floor. Tears down my face, I now know its to late. Drifting to sleep, and dreaming of a life I once had.
Until tomorrow. Goodnight.
YOU ARE READING
Just Think
AléatoireCan you hear it? It's there in the silence, waiting. Mocking you, filling your mind with darkness telling you your nothing. Do you believe it? I did.
