One Month to Find Your Way (BoyXBoy) ON HOLD

Chapter 4

**James POV**

I felt slightly repulsed at the fact that I was kissing a guy. But my wolf was going crazy, adrenaline rushing through my veins at the touch of my mate's lips against mine.

I felt him tense for a moment, then he slowly wrapped his big arms around my small frame. He nibbled at my lower lip, asking for entrance. Unwillingly, I gave into him. I couldn't help it, it was as if sparks were flying from our lips and I was caught in the moment. His tongue explored my mouth eagerly, and I moaned slightly at his wonderful taste. I could feel my wolf howling in joy as we both realized something. He's accepting us. With a gasp I shoved him away, immedietly breaking our kiss. I looked at him wide eyed, him doing the same to me.

"I..I.." He stuttered. I didn't want to hear it. I turned and fled from the field, aimlessly running away. I don't know why it was me running away, it should've been him running from me. Or at least beating me in anger or something. Something besides what he just did.. I ran to the back of the school, where the trees grew thicker. I ran a little ways in, before collapsing in a pile at the base of a tree. I cried. That's it. Just cried my eyes out at what just happened.

He accepted us, we should be happy. my wolf whined to me. I shook my head.

"No! He accepted me, not us! He should never accept us!" I screamed to my wolf, not realizing that I said that out loud until footsteps approached us.

"J.. James?" a soft voice called. I groaned quietly, not wanting him to hear me. A second later, pine needles and cinnamon wafted to my nose, and another second passed before I saw him walking towards me cautiously, as if I was a scared animal or something.

"You don't have to sneak up on me, I know you're there." I muttered, running a hand through my hair. He sat beside me, then silence settled between us. He was lost in his own thoughts, while I however, was trying to force myself to run again, not being able to take being so close to him. But my wolf forced me to stay put, and eventually I gave up fighting with him. He's just so stubborn sometimes. I closed my eyes and tried to relax, inhaling Landon't calming scent. After a while, Landon finally spoke.

"So uh James... are... are you into me?" I could tell it took him a while to muster the courage to ask me that. I couldn't lie to him, so I nodded.

"Yes Landon, I am into you. I don't care if you hate me," which I secretly hoped he would yet didn't want him to.. Ughh stupid feelings. ".. or if you want me to go away forever." I state simply.

"No!" he cried immedietly. "I mean, no, I don't want you to go away and I don't hate you either.. I.. I kinda liked it." He confessed and I turned to him. His face was scarlet now, showing past his mild tan. He refused to meet my eyes, keeping his blue ones down towards the ground.

"You did?" he just nodded.

"Yeah, it was um.." he cleared his throat. "..nice. " I felt my eyebrows raise in surprise, and I could tell that my wolf was definetly happy about this. I growled, my eyes turning a bright silver. No! This wasn't supposed to happen! He was supposed to hate it, supposed to reject me! And here he is, telling me he like another guy kissing him?? What the f*ck?? I let out another growl, unable to supress my anger. Then I smelled something. Fear. Turning to Landon, a seemingly permanent scowl on my face, I looked him in the eye.

"What the f*ck?!" He exclaimed, his mouth twisted in an 'O' of horror, his sky blue eyes nearly popping out of his head.

"What??" I growled, my voice slightly distorted as my anger grew. I needed him to reject me, I needed to live for my pack!

"Dude! Your eyes!" He exclaimed, frozen with fear, or something else. The scowl wiped off my face, I felt my eyes widen too. I quickly looked away, hoping he would think it was just some kind of trick or something. I calmed myself down with deep breaths, then turned back to him, my eyes it's green again. Man, I should really learn to control my anger. Every little thing seems to set me off ever since I learned I was going to die..

"What about my eyes?" I say casually, hoping he would just shake it off and pretend it never happened.

"They were silver! Like a friggin' dagger!" So much for the whole 'forget about it' thing. I sighed.

"Look, it's nothing. It's something I was born with, and--"

"You have some kind of disease, right?" He said, his voice cracking slightly. I guess being born a werewolf was something all humans weren't... I guess it could be considered a disease.. I nodded.

"Yes, it is a disease. It turns my eyes silver whenever I get mad. I'm so glad someone finally understands."  I say, forcing a small smile to my face. I looked at him, but he just looked sad now. So forlorn. I frown.

"What's wrong?"

"You said it only happens when you are mad.. Are you mad at me?" He looked at me, tears starting to glisten in his eyes. I was taken aback. The big macho football player was near tears, because of me?

"Uh, well.." I stammer, unable to find the words. I look away, trying to forget the pitiful look in his eyes. I feel my cheeks start to burn, he'll think I'm embarrassed to say that I was.

"Fine! I open up for once in my life, and after you kiss me, you tell me that you're mad that you did it! That's the reason isn't it?" He exclaims. I am unable to answer, shocked at his outburst.

"I knew I never should have fallen for you. I knew it would be a mistake. I can't believe it! I really like someone, then they tell me they don't like me back, after kissing me!" He said in a rage. He stood up and shook his head at me. "You disgust me. Don't talk to me again. Ever." He spat before starting to walking away. I heard him start to grumble about me.

"F*cking faggot, playing with my damn emotions.. Who the hell does he think he is? F*ck..." he trailed off, and I winced. He thinks I was just messing with him?? My feelings were real, but I needed to put my  responsibilities before my feelings.  That was what an alpha had to do. Sacrifice for his pack, no matter what the cost. My body moved before my mind could tell it not to. I willed it not to, but I grabbed his hand.

"Wait!" I cried. The pain was still almost unbearable from his rejection, even though I knew my responsibilities came first. Even then,  I wanted to make it up for him. I wanted to kiss him, hug him, and tell him I was sorry. But I couldn't do any of that. I needed to live through this pain. I needed to let him go. If that's possible. I felt as if a stake was being driven through my heart, and ripping it to a thousand little pieces. He looked at me, cold fury clear in his eyes. I dropped my gaze and let go of him. My wolf howled in sadness. He knew we couldn't do anything about it either. I felt a hole where my heart wads supposed to be. There was just an aching pain all throughout my body, sending little shocks every now and then. Those little shocks were the only way I could tell that I was alive. He walked away, stomping as he walked back to the parking lot.

I buried my face in my hands once more, and cried. Just cried. And kept crying. I couldn't help it. A part of me wanted this to work, but this rejection made my head spin and I wanted to.. wanted to...

"DIE!!" I sobbed, my tears flowing harder. The sky opened up, and it started to pour.

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Ack, short chapter>.< Yet so eventful... O.o I hope that you (if anyone reads my story and the cheesy author notes, mmm... I like cheese:3 *licks chops*. Yes, I'm a dog, not a human. I have chops, not lips. Don't be jelly:P) enjoyed it anyways:3