My Player Bestfriend (Book #1)

Chapter Fifteen

I couldn't sleep.

It didn't matter how many times I turned my pillow over or how tightly I wrapped the blanket around me — everything still felt too loud.

My thoughts.
My heartbeat.
His voice.
"I never stopped loving you."

The old me would've fallen apart at that line. I would've run back into his arms like they were the only place I'd ever belonged.

But now?

Now I didn't know where I belonged.
Not with Luke.
Not with Austin.
Not even fully with myself.

It was like I was stuck in the in-between — halfway healed, halfway hollow.

Sarah knocked on my door around 11 a.m.

"You didn't come downstairs for coffee. That's usually your red flag behavior."

I cracked the door open. "I'm just tired."

She raised a brow. "Tired or emotionally imploding?"

I sighed. "Both."

Sarah stepped into the room, no invitation necessary, and sat on the edge of my bed like she'd done since we were fourteen. "You want to talk about it or do you want me to trash-talk Austin on your behalf until you feel better?"

I actually laughed. "Can I get both?"

"Absolutely." She paused. "But for real... are you okay?"

I stared at the ceiling. "I don't know. I saw him last night. We talked."

Her face shifted. "And?"

"And he said everything I wanted to hear. Everything I've been dying to hear."

Sarah nodded slowly. "But?"

"But it's too late for words. I'm scared that if I fall for him again, it'll hurt even worse the second time."

She was quiet for a moment. Then she said, "It might. But pretending you don't still love him might hurt even more."

That was the part I couldn't say out loud.
That I did still love him.
That I always would.

And that terrified me more than anything else.

Later that day, he texted.

Austin <33: Can I see you? No pressure. Just... I miss you.

I stared at the message for ten minutes.

Then I replied:

Me: I'm not ready to talk again. But I'm not blocking you. That's all I can offer right now.

Austin <33: That's more than I deserve. I'll wait.

He meant it. I knew he did.

But time doesn't heal everything. Sometimes it just builds walls around old wounds.

A few days later, Luke texted.

Luke: Still thinking about you. No pressure. Just miss you.

The timing made my stomach twist.

I was caught between two people who wanted me.
And neither answer felt fully right.

I stared at the mirror that night and asked myself the hardest question:

Do I love Austin enough to risk myself again?

And scarier still...

Do I even know who I am without him?

That night, I dreamt of him again.

But this time, it wasn't romantic.

We were standing on opposite sides of a glass wall. He was screaming my name, pounding on it with his fists, but I couldn't hear him. I couldn't reach him.

And in the dream, I just stood there, crying, wishing I knew how to get back.

I woke up with tears on my cheeks.

And I knew.

The next time I saw him...
Something was going to break.

Either the wall.

Or me.