Lost Love

3. You and Me

The car journey back to my home fills me with a mixture of interest and anxiousness. I have no recollection of this place at all, but it’s a beautiful area, wherever it is. London I think Oscar said, but where in London, I have no clue. As we turn into a smaller street off of a busy main road, my dad pulls up at this a large detached house with a small garden at the front. I look between Eleanor and Oscar, when his hand reaches over to touch mine. I catch the look on his face as I stare at his actions and move my hand away, crossing my arms against my chest.  

‘How are you doing?’ He asks quietly instead, noting I’m not up for hand holding. At all.

Shrugging, I get out of the car and follow my parents in who have taken my hospital bags for me. I stand awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs and wait expectantly for someone to show me where my room is. It looks like a pretty big house from here.

‘I’ll show you,’ chimes Oscar and my eyes widen in shock. A boy showing me to my room? And then it dawns on me that I’m not 11 anymore, but 19. This must be common practice if I’m meant to have a boyfriend.

‘Unless...’ he trails off, noticing my expression and raising his eyebrow at me curiously.

‘Um, it’s okay, you can show me,’ I murmur back and follow Oscar up the stairs. We come to the top of the stairs when Oscar opens a white wooden door a few paces along the hallway and lets me go in first, but my interest turns to the big mirror on the wall adjacent to my room. Dropping my bags, I look closely at my face in the natural sunlight and assess it. It’s still got some bruising on the side, but that’s fading. I look closely at myself, before noticing my ears have more piercings in than my eleven year old self had. One hooped silver ring is placed at the top of my ear and one silver stud is by the opening of my ear.

Oscar coughs awkwardly beside me and I turn to look at him and explain, ‘I wanted to see myself again. I didn’t realise I had more ear piercings.’

‘I think they suit you,’ he tells me with a smile, before opening the door to my room.

Firstly, I’m mildly surprised at the decor of the room. It’s very bright, with a coral wall with three other walls with the whole back wall full of pictures. I drop my bags to the ground and immediately head towards the photo wall and my mouth parts as I realise I know none of these people. All of these pictures have so many people in and yet I have no memory or feelings about any of them. As if Oscar somehow knows this is overwhelming me, I can feel him stand beside me and I look sadly up at him.

‘I know none of these people. I can’t remember anything. Anything.’ Glancing back at the wall, I pull a picture off and point to the girl I’m hugging tightly. ‘Who is she? Or her? When was that? How long ago?’ I peel the pictures off of the wall and add, ‘Each picture has a million questions that I don’t have the answers too and it’s scary, Oscar. It scares me how I remember nothing.’

He doesn’t respond immediately and I wait expectantly. He has to give me some reassurance here. I need someone to help me remember.

‘Get your brain in gear then, I’ll go through as many as I can.’ I watch as he pulls as many pictures down as he can before placing them on the floor scattered in front of me. He sits down, cross legged which looks a bit silly to be seeing a tall 6ft plus boy sat on my floor, but his determination to help me makes me form a small grin.

I let him scan through the pictures as I sit opposite him, cross legged as well and eager to learn, when he finally looks at me and begins. He lifts one picture up and hands it to me. There are two beautiful girls and me standing somewhere I don’t recognise with brightly coloured drinks in our hands.