THUGGISH LOVE (Under Construction)

chapter-23

When Jake went to sleep I snuck off. I love him but now it's time to think about myself in situations like this.

I haven't been myself lately. My past is coming back to get me. No I didn't commit any serious crime but I was damaged by it.

When I was growing up I didn't have anybody there for me. I ain't have no daddy around when I was growing up my mother left me because my father left. The only person there for me was April my big cousin.

Me and April did everything togther. She held my hand through everything and she sheltered me. We lived together she taught me the ins and outs about life. Then soon as I turned 16 she disappeared. She left me to fend for myself.

She never came back , she didn't even say goodbye. I lost a piece of my heart that day. To make things worst she left me vulnerable on my birthday. Maybe that's why I'm acting out because my birthday is near and I don't know how to cope with my feelings.

I've been lonely ever since I can remember that's why I jump from guy to guy to fill the void and emptyness that my mom dad and April left me with.

Jake was the only one who knew so much about me and for him to treat me like this killed me. He promised to be there for me no matter what. He promised to protect me. He even told me I was going to be the one he marry.

I've been in my drive way for 2 hours now crying my heart out ready to face what the world was throwing my way.

I finally built up the strength to get out the car. My body was drained physically and mentally.

I ran me a bath with bubbles and pulled out the emergency wine I grabbed a glass and stripped. I let my body soak up the feeling and tried to forget about everything.

I just needed someone to be there for me for once. I needed Gabby, Gabby was my best friend since forever we've know each other since 1st grade we haven't been talking lately maybe because of my ways. I need to get a phone asap to call her. Her number was one of the few number I knew by heart and I think we need to get back togther she's been my back bone and the only person who cared for me since forver.

I sat in the tub for 2 more hours running more hot water. When I got out the tub I looked like a raisin. I sat on my bed and lotioned my body up with coco butter I threw my hair into a high ponytail some sweats and my Nike flip flops.

I needed to just live today and forget about everthing. I decided to go to the gym and let off a lot of anger I had. I ran punched jumped etc until I felt enough lifted off my shoulder I got into the shower then headed to the spa. I got a facial and a full body massage. Next was the nail salon I drove to the shop I was known at and got a mani pedi special. I felt so much better.

I headed to t-mobile and got the Galaxy  S5 only because it's water proof. I paid up to 5 months of my bill and got insurance.

Last stop was the grocery store.
I got cereal milk, steak, chicken,  hamburger,  pork chops, fish, vegetables,  fruits, yogurts , ice cream , cookies , chips drinks , daiquiris, and a whole bunch of other things my total came up to 1,000 I wish I had a damn bridge card.

I drove home fast so nothing would melt. I quickly put things away and I started using my phone saving number I knew by heart and I started drifting off to sleep.

JAKE POV

When I woke up Jessica was no where to be found. I didn't wake up until 5:00 and the day was almost over. I jumped in the shower and got dressed. I went to the trap to make sure that things was running smoothly.

After that I went to taco bell to get me and Jessica something to eat since Taco bell was her favorite fast food restaurant.

I don't know what I did wrong but I needed to fix it. I've always loved Jessica and her pussy made me fall in love. I needed her and I didn't need anyone else but her.

I pulled up to her big ass house. It was huge and perfect for us. I got out the car with our food and a smile plastered on my face.

I finally reached the door after all those steps and knocked.

"Who is it?" She said coming closer to the door.

I stood there quietly

" I said who the fuck is it!" While swinging the door open with a gun pointed to me.

I can't lie I was scared asf.
Then she lowered the gun.

"Oh it's you."
She just walked away and I followed her.

"So you was gone shoot me? Did I fuck up that bad?" I said while putting the food on the counter

She sat on the couch and kicked her feet up before grabbing the tacos.

"Look I appreciate you bringing me food and all and yes I had a great night but we can't do this I can't be the one hurt in the end the one looking dumb and lost. I've been nothing but down for you and every time you step on my heart everyone Jake." At this point she was crying and I moved closer to her and pulled her into my chest.

" listen to me, girl I love you and I've loved you since I laid eyes on you. I know I fucked up in the past because I was young and dumb. I need you in my life Jessica don't give up on me. My son needs a mother and I need a wife I need you. We need you I love you too much to let you go."

We sat quiet and she finally stopped crying.

" What do you mean your son needs a mother he has a mother it's that bitch you cheated on me with."

"Let's leave the past in the past. And yes he needs a mother Tricey left us she moved away and didn't leave a note or anything she even changed her number."  I got up and sat on the other couch frustrated with my hands on my head.

"Well that's what you got kiesha for. You seem to need her. You know when we was having sex I said I love you"

"Yea I said I love you to."

"Just shut up" she said putting her hand in my face " you didn't tell me you love me you said I love you too kiesha."

Now I know I fucked up after all these years she finally let me hit and I fucked up.

" I was drunk I didn't mean to say that."

"Yea and I was drunk too I didn't mean to fuck you." She said pointing towards the door.

" why do you have to be difficult all the time. I'm sorry and I love you, let that be it. Wake up ! Everybody not out to get!"

With that I walked out I'll give her time to decide what she wanna do. Not gone rush her, I already hurt her enough.