IS THIS LOVE?

NUMB

ADELE

The next few days passed by as dreadful as the next. Angelo has been at his dads for the past few days meaning I've spent the days wallowing in self pity. Not only that, but also fear.

Fear that Rich won't come back over some silly argument. Something that was meant to be cherished but instead was torn apart. That evening was a complete mess, one of which I certainly wasn't expecting. We spent the first portion of the evening telling each other how much we loved each other and the next, I spent it searching for him. Searching for reasons as to why he wouldn't even call me back.

And still, I haven't heard anything. I haven't shed a single tear once I'm just... numb. Unable to feel anything because this has happened countless times before. Countless times I've been left at the drop of a hat for some pathetic argument. And if I hadn't just put the blame on him then and there; maybe he'd still be here.

Before I know it, endless tears start streaming down my face. It's not an emotional reaction, more of a physical one really. I don't sob or wipe them away, I just let them fall. The same way I let a man I've been with for only a couple of weeks treat me this way.

And then the door rings.

A part of me prays it's him but a completely opposing side hopes that I don't see him at all. At least not today.

I stand before the front door, wiping a few tears away as I swing the door open, my expression still neutral. My heart yearns with sorrow as I look up.

It's him.

I don't think twice before pushing the door shut in one swift motion. I don't even want to hear him say my name, or 'hello', not even a 'I'm sorry'. Because the moment I do, I'll fall apart.

I turn around, making my way towards the kitchen, not wanting to turn back around. Ever.

"Adele." His voice muffles through the door. It's quiet enough to know it's still him, but loud enough to hear the pain in his voice. My legs almost give out at the sound of his voice. I didn't want this to happen but the moment I hear it, my heart shatters.

I pause for what feels like a few minutes though I know it's only a moment. A million thoughts running through my head, one part telling me not to give in but another telling me that it would be wrong to listen to the first thought.

I bite my lip, struggling to balance both an angel and the devil on either shoulder. I can't let him stand outside like this.

After a short moment of hesitation, I huff turning back towards the door. But I don't move. No, I just stare at it. I know what's on the other side and to open that door ( quite literally ) could cause me so much pain. But I decide to move anyway because I need to face him at some point.

No time like the present.

The minute I open the door, I see his face. Not just his face, but the pain and guilt written all over it. He has some serious explaining to do.

I don't say anything, just waiting for him to make the next move. That's because it's his move to make, not mine.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, his head bowing and I laugh. I laugh because this has got to be the worst introduction to an apology already.

I want to reply, come back with something bitter and gritty but I can't. I physically can't. I wish I could say something but at the same time, I don't want to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

So I don't say anything, just step aside, opening the door a little wider for him to come in. He glances between me and the house a few times before taking a careful step inside.

I lead him towards the living room, ensuring there's a comfortable distance between him. I know if I get too close, I'll give in to him.

We sit on opposite couches, not wanting our proximity to let us get carried away.

"Did you take the test?" He asks, tilting his head slightly. It's like he's nervous for my answer. If anything, he should be excited.

I still don't reply, just shake my head. I haven't taken the test because it's something I wanted to do together. Something that I and many others would consider a 'special moment' in a relationship. However, in my case, it's turned out to be a tragic one.

"Please talk to me." He practically begs. I've never seen him like this. So desperate just to hear the sound of my voice, as if it's going to reassure him.

"I didn't take the test." I whisper.

His expressions don't change, he doesn't move either. He's just completely still, clearly deep in thought. It's like he doesn't want to mess this up. But it's too late because he's already done that.

"Why didn't you take it?" He finally looks at me. And that's when the cracks start to form of this stupid facade I've been putting up. Something about the way he says those words ignite a fire in me. Not the good kind.

"Are you dumb?" My accent coming out a little thicker than usual, my volume raising just a fraction. I pause for a second letting those three words sink in.

"When a woman thinks she's pregnant she usually waits to take the test with her partner. But you weren't there when I came back. And then the next day you weren't there. And the day after that. Now suddenly, you show up expecting me to accept this half-arsed apology from you. I mean, I don't even know if I can call this an apology." I fold my arms, holding a guard up. Because once I let that guard down, the tears will start falling. I don't want to let him know how much this has really gotten to me.

"I wasn't thinking straight." He begins but I cut him off before he can spill out any more of these pathetic excuses.

"You got that right. I waited for days just for a call and I never got one. You got into this relationship knowing it wasn't going to be a casual one. But the second something challenging came up, you ran. You don't do that, Rich. If you want to be with me you have to be willing to have the mean, the ugly, the pretty and the happy. You don't just choose when you're ready for either one of those." I spit out, my words coming out just as harsh as I expected them to.

"I know that." He bows his head. I don't waste any time before my next moves, rising to my feet, stomping over toward him. My feet carry a heaviness that my heart can't anymore.

I don't think you do, sweetheart." The last word comes out a little more sarcastic than I expected. I'm now shouting, my finger just inches away from his face.

"You look at me when I'm fucking speaking." I grab his chin, forcing his gaze to meet mine.

"You are the one man I've let into my life after my word quite literally came crashing down on me. It's definitely not going to happen again, so listen to me when I say this." I grit out, my eyes never wavering from his.

"We're going to take this test together. Regardless of the outcome, you are going to fight for me if you really want me. I'm not going to be let down once again by a man who can't decipher the difference between taking accountability and making up ridiculous excuses. Now I'm going to go and pee on this fucking stick and we'll wait for the results together." He gets up to follow me before I stop him.

"Don't push it." I warn. He quickly understands taking a seat back on the couch.

I make my way upstairs, my heart racing in anticipation and something else I can't put my finger on.

God knows how this is going to go.