Silent Tears ~ON HOLD~

Silent Tears Chapter 4 (Part 2) {Love Story?}

  I jolted awake from a very disturbing nightmare including my family and a lot of blood. I was so upset that I almost didn’t notice I was lying on the bed. I quickly sat up and was preparing to yell my head off at Chason, when I realized he wasn’t in the bed.

I turned over and looked onto the floor to see Chason sleeping peacefully on the floor with his pretty wings wrapped around himself. Well that niceness was highly unexpected…

I lied back on the bed and couldn’t help but think about my dream and my poor deceased family. It didn’t feel real at all… they couldn’t all really be gone right? This was all probably just a really, really bad dream.

I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest multiple times. My breathing started becoming shallow and rough, and I started to sob. My right hand gripped my shirt over my heart, like it would help the pain. My other one was resting on my nauseous stomach.

I tried taking deep breaths but my mind was racing too much, I’d never felt this pain before. It was unlike anything ever imaginable. I would rather have physical pain every day for the rest of my life than having to live in a world without my family. Could I even live without them?

Sometimes I had felt like I couldn't live even when they were alive. Did that mean there was no hope for me at all? I needed love to live, and right now there was no love left for me on this world.

I crawled off the bed silently, hoping I wouldn’t wake Chason. I needed to think, and I didn’t want him to hear any of my thoughts. Who knew though, he could have just been faking his sleep. As long as he didn’t say anything to me I decided he hearing me wouldn’t be too bad.

I paced around the room, still sobbing and feeling like my life was being ripped apart. Ironically, it had been.

I took a shaky breath in and thought about my little brothers, my parents, my friends, James… why? Why then, on my birthday, when everyone was visiting? If it had been any other day, not everyone would have been at my house at one time. They may have actually lived…

I needed to leave, I needed to get away from Chason, and I needed to run. If I was killed then who cared? I was alone in the world now and no one could possibly notice my disappearance. I know my dad said I was supposed to do something important, but how was I supposed to do it without all of them?

I steadied my breathing and glanced over to Chason to make sure he was still sleeping. Then I silently walked to the door and slowly started turning the knob.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

I jumped and couldn’t help but curse myself for getting caught. He actually seemed mad that I was trying to ditch him. I looked at my feet while my eyes started to water. I quickly wiped the tears away so he wouldn’t see them.

“Look, I know I’m just a pain. I just need to leave and figure stuff out on my own!” I said with a shaky voice.

“You’ll get killed out there,” he whispered.

“I know.”

He didn’t say anything as he grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the bed, sitting me down. I couldn’t help but start crying, and there was no way I could hide it from him now so I didn’t even try. If I was going to leave him it didn’t matter if he saw me crying anyway.

“I would care if you died, Bella,” he confessed. I looked up into his chocolate brown eyes as he looked down into my green ones. He wiped the tears off of my cheek. I felt like I had betrayed him somehow by trying to leave, and that made me even more upset.

My head fell into my hands and I started to sob. Chason sat next to me on the bed and began rubbing my back in a rhythmic motion. We just sat like that as I cried and cried, even though I felt very uncomfortable and embarrassed with him seeing me that vulnerable.

Chason obviously knew I was feeling that way so he kept saying, “You don’t have to be embarrassed, it’s okay.”

When I finally slowed my crying down a little I tried to explain myself and why I needed to leave.

“I-It’s ju-just I-I,” I tried to tell him but I just couldn’t get it out. I decided to think it instead, knowing he was listening into my thoughts.

Everything is all wrong, everyone I know is dead and I have no love left in me. I need to be loved and needed to stay sane, and I don’t have anyone that loves or needs me anymore. I can’t drag you down in this with me, I need to leave.

Chason stood up off the bed and knelt down in front of me, taking my hands.

“Look at me Bella.”

I looked at him and was a little surprised to see his eyes also tearing up. He looked perfect even when he was crying. Seeing him like that also made me feel less embarrassed.

As I looked in his eyes I felt more relaxed and I didn’t feel the need to leave as much as before. When I thought of leaving it felt right, but when I thought of leaving him, it felt so completely wrong that my stomach clenched.

“I may not be as important to you as your family is, but I definitely feel something. I don’t know what it is, but I feel like we are connected somehow… Don’t you feel it too?” he looked at me and expected me to say something. I could see the hope in his eyes, and even though I hadn’t even known the guy for two days, I did feel something.

I nodded my head, sniffling. I couldn’t bear to look at him when he was that sad.

“Don’t think that nobody needs you, because I need you… I know I haven’t known you for long, but I know it’s true.”

I nodded to him again and smiled, pulling him into a hug. For a big jerk, he was a really nice guy. He sounded so sincere and serious; James had never said anything like that before. He had never even had that tone of voice. James had sometimes even looked at me like everyone else did, like he thought I was a freak. But here I was with this gorgeous, super nice guy, and he was saying these things to me, the freak.