MLAATHB (slow updates)

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Have you ever felt just one day so horrible that you juat believe you will wake up the next day in the same mood? Yeah, that was me last night. I cried myself to sleep after i asked Harrison to help me and he agreed. I fell asleep so sad and just hopeless i couldn't even possibly think that me waking up today would result me being happy, but i was.

"Good morning Harrison! Daniel! How was your date?" I asked the two men in my life. I don't know why Daniel's date didn't bother me and i dont know why i was smiling like an idiot.

"Morning, Linda." They both had confused looks on their faces which made me smile even bigger.

"What is for breakfast? I'm starved!" I sat down and took a plate. Both of their jaws dropped. "What?" I asked smirking.

Harrison shook his head and smiled, "pancakes with bacon. We have orange juice too or milk?"

"I will have some orange juice with my breakfast please," i smiled. I really never noticed how cute the kitchen was. It was like going back in time to a old cottage home. Even the appliances had a retro feel to them.

I took two pancakes and bacon strips off of the serving plate and placed them on mine. Harrison placed the glass of juice on the table in front of me. I ate all that was on my plate and a little more and Daniel looked at me like I had gone insane and Harrison kept taking notes. I shrugged it off and continued on with my morning. "Harrison? I know it is a Saturday but I wanted to have one of my sessions today. Is that okay with you?" I smiled a big smile.

"Yeah that's fine I wanted to talk to you anyway. It's about tomorrow. As you know it is Sunday and most people go to church on that day."

"Only if they believe in God or something like that Harrison. But what is your point to this?" I smiled and let him explain himself.

"Well you see I go to church every now and then and I have a friend who I want you to meet. I think you guys will get along very well and I think he could help you. Also I think going to church will help you as well Linda." He said like it was a good thing to go to church.

I rolled my eyes, "I will go just to meet your friend because you want me to meet him and told me about it a while ago. But, I am not going because I want to learn about 'God' Harrison." I gave him attitude which was odd. I was actually acting like a teenager for once. I felt a little bad but it felt nice to feel normal once in my life.

"Linda," he sighed, "just could you please listen to the scripture this once. You might like it and if you don't I wont force you to go ever again."

"Okay fine." I took in a deep breath then let it out. "Now on to todays session? Please?"

"Okay lets go to my office and we will start. I didn't have anything planned for today but if you have something you want to talk about then we can do that," I nodded and we both got up leaving the clean up to Daniel. We got to his office and I took my usual spot on the couch and he took a seat next to his notepad and things.

"Okay so Harrison, I had this weird dream last night. I was older and married? I had some kids and they called me 'mommy'. I was happy and everything seemed so right and peaceful and perfect." I had a happy face remembering this part of my dream, then it fell remembering the last part of the dream. "But then it got bad, I was in a grave dead and the man who I was supposedly married too was crying saying how much he loved me. Then this like voice came out of nowhere and it was dark and the voice said 'do you want a family and happy life or so you want to end it all Linda? Only you can decide.'" I started to cry.

"This is interesting. Have you seen this man before, Linda?" he asked writing in his notepad.

"I-I don't think so? All I can really remember what he looked like was he had tan skin, short brown hair, small brown eyes and the biggest cutest smile in the world," I somewhat laughed.

"Mmhm, well when I learned about dreams in one of my psychology classes, you can't make up people in your mind when you dream you must have seen this guy passing you on the street or something. That could be it. Could you tell me the age approximately? Same age as you, younger or older?" He asked not looking up from his notepad.

"I think he was older? But I couldn't really tell."

"Alright," he paused writing for a second and looked at me, "well I am not the best at analyzing dreams but I think I this will be easy to do. You could look at your dream in two ways, the first being Unconscious Wish Fulfillment Theory which is a Freudian theory in which the dreams are a representation of wishes that are unconscious that you want to accomplish or fulfill. The second one is the Activation-Synthesis Theory which is basically different memories that are sown together into a storyline. I think it is more the Freudian theory because I do not think you have ever been into a casket or have been married with children before. So I think this dream is telling you that you want to have that "perfect" life that everyone else has but your "demons" are holding you back and you are too scared that they will win."

I sat there for a minute thinking about what Harrison was telling me. I have always dreamed of having a perfect life and getting married and having children but I thought it was impossible because of all my psychological problems. "Harrison? It is impossible for me to have that life. I will not get fully better so nobody will marry me. I just know it."

"Nothing is impossible through Christ Linda."

I got up and rolled my eyes, "yeah okay whatever Harrison. Thanks for helping me with the dream but that last comment was not necessary alright? I don't believe in God. If there is a God then why has he hurt me son much and hasn't let me be happy? Explain that to me Harrison!" I turned towards the door and ran out of the room angry. Why does he keep pushing me today about this whole church and God thing? I went into my room and sat down on my bed and just sat there the rest of the day doing nothing like I usually do because I cant get rid of this depression. I just sat there hoping someone would come in and talk to me and make me feel better but I know that it wont happen. It never happens.

Eventually I fell asleep but I was a light sleeper so when Harrison walked in I woke up. "Oh I am sorry to wake you up but I wanted to talk to you. You might get upset at what I have to say but I feel like you need to hear this Linda."

I nodded my head, "okay, come in." I sat up and yawned.

"Okay I know you said you don't believe in God but I found some Bible verses that I thought might help you and after I read them I will leave and let you think about them. Then you can listen to the pastor tomorrow and decide for yourself. Please don't get upset with me and please just stay quite and listen to me until I am done." I nodded my head so he knew he could continue. "Okay," he cleared his throat and continued, "'The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.' Psalm 37:23-24. 'I have told you these things , so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.' John 16:33. Now lastly, 'Nehemiah said, 'Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.'' Nehemiah 8:10. Now we are leaving at ten to get to church on time. Goodnight Linda." Harrison got up and started to leave my room.

"Harrison, wait," I whispered. He turned around, "Thank you." I half smiled.

"Welcome," he nodded then left my room.

After he left I thought about what he told me. So much things filling my mind so much things to think about. It was wrong of me to yell at him earlier today but I think he will forgive me for it. As long as I listen tomorrow in church and don't complain. As I laid there thinking I drifted into a deep sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be better than today.