Stinkin Thinkin

Cry me a river :(

Just thinking about everything and trying to reflect puts me in a very dark place. So I try not think too hard about anything and just do. I'm ripping and running so bad that sometimes I forget to stop and think about myself, take care of me. I used to dread waking up in the morning having to start my day. Sometimes it feels like I'm on autopilot like someone else is in control making sure I make it through the day. It's is so difficult to get out of that mindset of being a people pleaser. Feeling obligated to please everyone will drive you to do things that is very much out of your norm. Very much not like you. I used to be a sweet girl, honestly I did. Once you realize the world doesn't appreciate kindness it kind of changes you. Makes you angry, makes you realize that all life does is try to bring you down constantly. Life takes people when you weren't ready to lose them. When you finally think you got the hang of this thing called life, it pulls the rug right from up under your feet and makes you fall without warning. I cry when I can't find the words to express how I feel. And at times I can't stop crying, it's a realease that feels so good. Have you ever turned on a water hose and blocked the water from coming out of the sprout? And then when you finally release it all of the water comes shooting out? That's how it feels. Trying to hold it in only harms you even more. Let it out even if you have to do it alone