Little Keeper of Secrets #YoungAdult

CHAPTER 7- The Mess

"Some friends don't understand this. They don't understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you're wonderful just the way you are. They don't understand that I can't remember anyone ever saying that to me. I am so demanding and difficult for my friends because I want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though I am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time, not moving. Depression is all about If you loved me you would." - Elizabeth Wurtzel

I closed the book. No. This couldn't be right. Mum had no siblings. She never spoke about her family. But from what I've read she has none either.

I was sitting in my bed with my hands holding my head. I listened to the music in the background. Ludovico Einaudis piano music seemed so distant.

I thought about it for a long while. That would explain while mum never liked to go outside. Not without everyone of us. She was afraid. She was afraid of what had happened to her mum and her sister. I remember my mum had visitors at home which was weird since my mum hated having visitors. Anyways, this lady was visiting us and she was saying:

"Hello Miss Clarescense would you like to go outside with me please? I'd like to buy som..."

My mum didn't even let her finish. "No I will not go outside and you will leave this house immediately. If you do not do as I say I promise I will call the "securitè". And do not even mind to go and gossip about this episode are you kind. Rumors are for childish women who believe others peoples lives are way more interesting than their own..."

My mum talked with a really cold tone and she was smiling. Her words so sharp that they cut the poor lady in half. We never had visitors ever again besides that week when my mum died.

She literally had no one. She never mentioned her family and by reading this book I understand why.

I stared at the book. Then I remembered that I'm supposed to get rid of it. I felt the panic filling my mind. I started throwing everything in hope that maybe I'd find a place to hide my mums diary. It's not only her diary, it's not only a book. It's the answer for everything, my mums life, her dreams and her nightmares. I panicked even more. I threw away all the books on the shelf. Clothes everywhere. Papers all over the room. All of my stuff on the floor.

I finally calmed down when I realized what I had done. My room was completely trashed. The worst part was there was absolutely nowhere i could hide the book so it was a complete waste of time.

Then my phone starting ringing. I nearly jumped when I heard my loud ringtone. I checked my phone and sighed. It was just my best friend, Julie. I realized the phone had been ringing for quite long now and I just didn't realize.

Me and Julie have been friends forever. I don't even remember when and how we became friends. I just remember her being in every memory I had. Julie has golden tanned skin, chocolate brown hair and green eyes. Julie has always been the prettiest girl in pre-school, school, the whole town... She never realized it and I think she still hasn't either. Never stopped us from being friends though. Julie wasn't just pretty, but she was geek too. We could discuss our favorite movies in hours. Julie was also the bravest person I've ever met. When I was scared and wanted to run away she'd always grab my hand tight and say "Cent! You gotta face yo' fears! I'm scared too but I promise I'm never leavin' yo' side..."

Also, Julie was the only person my mum let inside the house. There was no reason for it and whenever we asked my mum would turn away and be silent and simply leave the room. We never made such big deal of it though. Mum was a mysterious person, she lived in her own world so we thought that we should just let her be. We were used to it anyways.

Well, Julie was calling me and although I was stressing about the book, I had the feeling that I should answer her. So I did.

"Heya Cent!" She has the funniest way of talking, although when she writes, all her English comes to place and she spells everything right. She's really good at writing too... "Look, me dad is away and I'm terribly lonely and I bet you know what it means... THAT'S RIGHT! I'm on me way French Classy boy!"

"Jules! It's not a good ti..." She didn't even let me finish talking.

"OH SHUSH IT YA! I'M COMIN CENT! Also, get the hammock and the spoons, it's Ben & Jerry's cookie dough and chocolate sause time... Yeah... SEE YA IN FIVE SMELLY FRENCH!"

She hung up. I looked at the phone and then to the mess. It's just Julie. What could possibly go wrong, right? Right...