Online. [benedict cumberbatch]

6

'@IDontEvenKnowAnymore: I have carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am tired. I am done..'

Benny's POV

@IDontEvenKnowAnymore: I have carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am tired. I am done. 

What does that mean? 

I decided to message her, debating weather to start the conversation with a witty joke or just asking her if she was okay. Asking her if she's okay seemed like a better option.

@YouWouldntBelieveMe: are you okay?

@IDontEvenKnowAnymore: is the sky pink? 

@YouWouldntBelieveMe: how i wish it was, just for you to have a different answer.

@IDontEvenKnowAnymore: do you use that line on every girl?

@YouWouldntBelieveMe: no, just for you ;)

@IDontEvenKnowAnymore: whatever

I took a deep breath, typing the words slowly, as if i was scared of them. I am not scared of words, or questions - I am scared of answers.

 @YouWouldntBelieveMe: whats wrong?

She didn't reply for a long time, I was beginning to get slightly worried. I sighed and stood up to go and make myself dinner, when a flash of my phone caught my eye.

@IDontEvenKnowAnymore: You want to know whats wrong? It sucks being the girl that isn't pretty enough. The girl who is almost in everything. My life is one big almost. Almost making university. Almost becoming an actor. Almost being happy. And every time i am happy, something happens. I think I'm happy until I'm alone with my thoughts and all i can feel is the urge to put a blade to my skin or shove my fingers down my throat. I can't be happy, i can barely be anything. it sucks to know you're going to live your whole life with no on knowing who you are or what your purpose is. It may as well end now. I'm tired. I just wish i didn't have to think. I wish i could just pause everything.

Reading through it brought a tear to my eye. She was like me. Misunderstood. Despite the sadness in her words, it was beautiful. She was beautiful. I didn't know what to reply, so I sat for the next few minutes just thinking.

 @YouWouldntBelieveMe: What keeps you going? What keeps you strong?

@IDontEvenKnowAnymore: who

 @YouWouldntBelieveMe: what?

@IDontEvenKnowAnymore: its not 'what' keeps me strong, its 'who' keeps me strong.

 @YouWouldntBelieveMe: who then?

@IDontEvenKnowAnymore: people just like you. People who care about me, even if i don't want them to.