End Game

End Game - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

            Here I was, walking into Zane’s fraternity, trying with all my might to be the confident woman I am trying to become. I have to say, on the inside, part of me will always be the scared little girl who only wants her mom to be awake and aware of the world. I didn’t even need her love, just something to let me know she was my parent and not the other way around.

            Instead, tonight I was going to push that part of me to the side and let the part out that so desperately wants to shine. Rayanne held my hand as we walked in and whispered in my ear, “ You can do this and you could get any man in here. I say this is the year you finally cash in your V-card.” I smiled because I knew there was no way I was planning on cashing anything in tonight or any night after that. My virginity is the one thing that I have complete control over. I was going to make sure I was in love with the man I gave that too. My mom was a firm believer in no sex before marriage, so when she married my sperm donor at twenty-five she wore white and had me ten months later. By then, the man who donated sperm, also known as my father, had already left us. I guess when you only date for a month before you get married, just so you can fuck the girl, you don’t grasp the fact she is nuts.

            My Aunt DeDe, however, did not wait for marriage and got pregnant by her high school boyfriend, Uncle Tom. It’s humorous how that relationship has lasted and my mom’s prim and proper “wait until marriage” didn’t. As a result, I don’t believe in the whole wait until marriage thing, but I do believe in the wait until love part.

            “No Rayanne. You know that I want to be in love before that happens. A corny as it sounds I need that,” I replied.

            “Girl I respect that so much. You know I did love Chris before we did it,” she said.

            “I know Ray, and believe me even if you didn’t I wouldn’t care. I love you no matter what bitch,” I laughed. She laughed and then led me through the door.

            There were so many people all smashed into the room and on top of each other. I couldn’t even hear my thoughts over the band. I have to say, for a college band, they were actually really good. I leaned into Ray and told her I wanted to dance. Of course this excited her, because as much as I love to dance, I never did it in public. She led me to the part of the room people were using to dance. I loved the song the band was playing. “Is this their stuff or a cover?” I yelled at Ray.

            “ I think they only do their own stuff,” she screamed back. I loved the lyrics and the voice singing them was beautiful. The lyrics were about losing someone you loved due to being scared of what you felt. Ray and I were dancing with each other and I completely forgot that people were around us. “Want a drink?” Ray yelled at me. I nodded and she took my hand and led me to the keg.

            I took my first sip and winced, because the taste of beer is awful. I looked around the room, then at the band and suddenly my world came to a halt. On stage, singing those beautiful lyrics was douche bag Zane. If I still had beer in my mouth I would have spit it on Rayanne. I looked at her and screamed over the music, “ You knew it was him didn’t you?”

            “Yes I did know. I am sorry,” she replied to me.

            “Did you see him last year? Did he ask about me at all?” I asked her.

            “Yes, Hannah, I did run into him and he did ask about you once. I told him he was to never bring your name up to me again. Honestly, I never really saw him after that,” she said honestly.

            “I still don’t understand why he never came home on break. He never visited his mom or sister,” I told Rayanne.

            “Well, from what I hear, they always came here for some reason,” Rayanne told me.

            I turned back to the stage and saw Zane in all his rock star glory. He always wanted to be a musician when we were kids. I can’t believe he actually did it. As much as I hated his guts, I was still so proud of him. I hated I felt that way, but I do. He looked good up there. He was in simple jeans and a t-shirt, but that always looked best on him. His brown hair had gotten longer since I saw him last, but it still looked good. His eyes were always my favorite things about him. His eyes were chocolate brown, and if he looked at you long enough you could feel him looking into your soul. I know it is totally stupid to feel that way, but what can I say, I am a corny romantic. Yeah, that is how his stupid eyes always made me feel. As I was staring at the stage he looked my way. I could tell that he had no idea who I was, but he spotted Rayanne.

            Before I even knew what was happening, he was taking off his guitar and walking off stage towards us. I looked at Rayanne and she told me, “ You got this girl and don’t let him get you. Put an end to it now so you can move on from this fantasy and fall in love with a reality.” I couldn’t believe she actually told me that, but it’s the truth.

            I just looked at her and said, “You’re right.” I left it at that. That was all I had to say for her to understand I got it. I took a deep breath, and prayed the person I wanted to be would stay strong and not breakdown and cry in front of him. I must show him he never broke me. If my mother never broke me, then this piece of shit isn’t going to either.

            “Hey Rayanne. How have you been? I haven’t seen you in forever,” Zane said with a fake grin on his face.

            “I’m doing awesome Zane. I didn’t know you would be performing tonight.” We both knew it was a lie, but we just gave each other a glance and kept talking.

            “Yeah, we perform at most parties,” he replied back.

            “Zane, what is your bands name anyway?” Rayanne asked him.

            “Oh…our name isn’t important…don’t worry about it,” he hesitantly replied.

            “Okay, I won’t,” quickly replied Rayanne with a little snarky attitude behind it.

            “I gotta ask you, Rayanne, and I know you told me to never ask, but how is she?” A few of the times they questioned each other I caught him looking at me. I wasn’t sure if he was looking at me as someone he knows or as just some girl hanging with Ray. I waited for Rayanne’s answer while holding my breath.

            “Why don’t you ask her yourself dickhead?” Rayanne said, as she stepped to the side so I came into full view of him.

            Oh shit! I heard him take in a deep breath, and then in almost a whisper I heard, “Hannah banana split?” I haven’t heard that name in 3 years. Only Zane called me that. He knew everything about me. All my secrets about my mom, what went on at home, and things I never even told Rayanne because her mom was my mom’s sister. There are many things she didn’t even really want to know. I could feel the tears starting in the back of my eyes, and I wouldn’t let him see me like that. Then I did the only I could do, I ran out of there as fast as I could before a single tear fell.

            “Hannah, please wait!” I heard Zane screaming, as I kept running. I just kept running and I never looked back.