Chapter 11
The next month flew by. I was finally getting into the flow of my classes. Ray and I were still getting along, and trying hard to be honest with each other. As for Zane and I, we have been having dinner together at least every other night. He says it is because I am a much better cook than the guys at his frat, but I want to believe it is because he wants to be with me. We have also been trying to figure out a way to get Collin and Rayanne together.
Tonight, I won’t be able to have dinner with Zane, and I have to tell him. For some reason I am so nervous. He isn’t my boyfriend, and I know he is just my friend, but having to tell him I have a date tonight feels weird.
I am at the café waiting for Zane to show up for his usual coffee. He always makes sure to stop by when I am working. I have to suck up my fear and tell him I have a date with Jason.
I can’t believe that I am going out with him again, but he is on my list. Date a guy, just because he is hot, and that is what Jason is to me. He is just a hot guy to learn how to make out with it. When I actually kiss someone, who I really want to kiss, I want to know what I am doing. Don’t get me wrong, kissing Jason is anything but a punishment, just not who I really want to be kissing. I should ask Rayanne if that makes me a slut.
Before I can continue my thoughts, I hear the bell, over the door. I look up and there he is, looking yummy. Zane.
“So what are you making me for dinner tonight, Hannah Banana Split?”
“Um… about that Zane. I can’t have dinner with you tonight.”
“What? You got a hot date or something?” Zane chuckles.
I looked at Zane, hoping he would see what I was trying to say. I really didn’t want to tell him about Jason.
“Oh, you do have a date tonight. Do I know with who?”
“Yeah,” I paused and said, “I am going out with Jason again.”
“Oh come on, Hannah. Why him? He is an idiot. You could do so much better than him.”
Should I actually tell him the truth about why I was going out with Jason? I thought about it for second and decided I had to.
“Okay Zane. Do you want to know the truth about why I am going out with Jason? It’s because he is on my list.”
Telling Zane about my list is also on my list. I know I can never honestly get Zane to love me. I mean, loving myself is one thing, but if Zane really were to ever love me, I want him to just because he does. I don’t want to have to do anything that is sexy, or crazy, for him to want me. I want him to want just the plain Jane version of me. So, the Zane part of my list has been revised. I want to trust him and believe in our friendship again. I want to forgive him. Forgiveness isn’t something my mother ever knew anything about. She would and could hold a grudge, forever. She held a grudge against me for just being born. I can’t force someone to love me if they don’t want to love me.
“What the hell is your list?”
“Zane, why don’t you come sit down with me on my break so I can explain it all to you.”
Zane follows me to an open table, we sit down, and I explain the list and me going to a therapist.
“So, you’re telling me your therapist is okay with all of these things on your list?”
YOU ARE READING
End Game
ChickLitThis is the story of Hannah Finley. All she has ever wanted is to feel like she belongs. A girl who is trying to learn to love herself after finally leaving an abusive household. Leaving for the first time, to go to away to college, she runs into...
