End Game

End Game - Chapter 12

Chapter 12

            It is three hours later, and I am sitting across from Jason, at Cheesecake Factory, just praying for him to be done eating. I really want to just get back to my apartment and let him have his PG-13 way with me, and just stop talking. He cares about the stupidest, most ridiculous things in the world. I mean, him talking about sports I would completely understand, and be kind of okay with, but seriously for the last hour all he has been talking about is the show Swamp People. He even wants to try and catch his own alligator, or crocodile. I can’t tell the difference, and I haven’t been paying enough attention to anything he is saying to know if he explained it.

            I am even amazed at how much I sound like a bitch in my own head. I am thinking that maybe I should back out of my plan for the night. I am pretty sure all my mother did was use my father so she could have a baby. I don’t even want to get into how or why she wanted a kid. I’ll leave that discussion for my therapist next week. I also know I have no intention of sleeping with Jason. So, maybe I am okay. What if I tell him right away he has absolutely no chance of getting laid like at all? That doesn’t make me so bad. Okay, that is what I will do. All I have to do is get him to shut up.

            “So, you wanna go back to my apartment?” I asked Jason, and by the look on his face he was very excited by this idea.

            “Yes, absolutely. Let’s go.” He started standing up to leave.

            I grabbed his arm and started laughing. “I think we need to pay first Jason.”

            “Oh yeah. I should probably do that.”

            Okay, for the first time, Jason was adorable, and I was feeling like I wouldn’t really be using him for practice, but maybe there is a chance that I could like him for real. I was happy, and terrified, at the idea. Zane has been the only person I ever liked. I mean, I have had crushes before, but more imaginary. Boy bands, actors, or guys from my school that I never had one conversation with.

            Jason was real and he liked me. He actually liked me. Why does he like me? Okay, I need to knock it off. I am not going to start questioning all of this…again. I have questioned it, but I can’t keep doing this. It is even getting old for me. I will worry about it later tonight, when I lay in my bed and go through a mini panic attack trying to not write in my journal.

            Every night I have had one, because all I wanted to do was write down all the things that could be signs of being like her. Every night for the past three weeks I have been able to control it. I have never felt proud of myself before that first night I didn’t write in it. Even when I lost all my weight I didn’t feel proud of myself. I was more filled with fear of gaining it all back and how people would judge me if I did. I still deal with that everyday. I will for the rest of my life.

            Jason got the bill handled. He grabbed my hand and we walked out walking hand in hand. I have never held a guys hand before. Zane and I have never held hands in public. It was weird…super cool. I am such a dork.

            Jason and I thankfully don’t talk on the walk back to my apartment. When we get into the apartment, I do a quick scan and see that Rayanne isn’t home. I was seriously hoping she was so I could abort this whole “make out with Jason plan” I have.

            As I started walking towards the couch, Jason grabbed me, and kid you not, pinned me against the wall. I was half excited, a bit shocked, and honestly a little turned on. What the hell is wrong with me? I let him kiss me and then I felt his hands start to go under my shirt. Here is where I had issues with this. No boy has ever put his hand there in a sexual way before. Zane has touched my belly, but that was because of the burns and scars. In addition, since I once was a bigger girl, my stomach looked as if a tiger had mauled it.

            I pushed Jason’s hand away from my belly as quickly as I could.

            “Jason, I don’t think I am ready for that yet. I will, and want to, keep kissing you, but you need to know right now that the chance of you getting any kind of action tonight is like zero. I mean I even mean over the clothes stuff is not going to happen tonight, or any night in the near or far future. I want to wait until I am in love with someone before I do that.” I whispered out the last part feeling kind of like a dork for saying it.

            Jason took a step back from me and looked down at my face. To say that he didn’t have a happy look on his face is an understatement.

            “This is bullshit! You are not hot enough to put up with shit! I mean I figured you would be an easy lay, because you used to be a fat girl and all. From my experience, girls like you like to prove that shit to people. Just my fucking luck! I get the one girl who has fucking morals or shit. I am doing you a fucking favor by going out with you, Hannah.” Jason’s face was getting bright red, and I can see the veins popping out of the side of his neck. I am getting nervous and petrified.

            “I only put the moves on you to piss Zane off anyway. He has such a fucking hard on for you and I wanted to piss him off.”

            Jason put his hands on my arms and was squeezing the shit out of them. I knew that tomorrow I would have a bruise on both arms. What the hell has happened here? I tried to push him off of me, but he wouldn’t let go of me. I was terrified of him. I would have never thought for one second that he would act like this.

            “Do you have any idea who I could have fucking been out with tonight Hannah? I wasted my time with you, and you are going to give me something in return.”

            Jason grabbed me and pulled me onto the couch. I tried and twisted so hard to get away from him. I couldn’t believe how strong of a hold he had on me. He sat me down and finally let go of my arms. He stood in front of me, and I am positive he was going for his belt buckle. Fuck that. Before I could think, I did something that I never ever in my whole life would have thought I could do, but this asshole has pissed me off! I punched him right in the balls with as much force as I possibly could. He immediately bent over and grunted in pain, and when he did that, I stood and kneed him directly in the fucking face. I made direct contact with his nose, and it immediately starting gushing blood. He flopped backwards, onto the couch, and started whining and crying like a little baby.

            “What the fuck is wrong with you Hannah. I can’t believe you hit me. I think you broke my nose you bitch,” he whimpered, still trying to act all tough.

            I started walking away towards the kitchen, because as he was saying all this to me, he started coming towards me.

            “Jason, you need to leave right now!” I was screaming at the top of my lungs at this point.           

            Jason stopped walking towards me and looked at me for a second.

            “You aren’t fucking worth it, bitch.”

            He was walking towards the door, and after he opened it and stepped outside, he turned to look back at me.

            “You are fucking crazy, Hannah.”

            “I am fucking crazy! You just tried to attack me! You know what, how about I ask the police who is crazy in this situation. Who will they go with on this Jason, me or you?”

            “Fuck you! All I was doing was trying to help you. Maybe you wouldn’t be such a bitch if you got laid once in a while.”

            Jason walked out, slamming the door so hard that pictures on the wall shook and fell off the walls. I ran to the door, locked it, and immediately fell to the floor crying. I hadn’t cried until right now. I had so much adrenaline going that I didn’t realize, until this moment, how scary what happened really was. How could I have judged someone so wrong? I thought he was a nice guy.