End Game

End Game - Chapter 3

Chapter 3

            I made it home in record time. No way was I going to let Zane catch up to me. Seeing him brought everything back to me. All the times he would lie in bed, and I would tell him all the awful things my mom would call me and do to me. He would lie next to me, run his hands in my short hair, and tell me that I deserved to be loved someday. I always winced whenever he said that, because all I wanted was for him to love me. I loved him so much that if he wanted me to cash in my V-card, it wouldn’t have even been a question of what I would do. He would make me laugh and tell me that, someday, a man that was worthy of me would make me so happy and love me. I would tell him he was crazy, because whenever I looked in the mirror I saw a girl who had nothing to offer anyone, even herself.

            I hate thinking those things about me, but I don’t know how to stop it. I have a mother who, on a daily or hourly basis, would tell me how horrible and unlovable I am. I decided that was the year I was going to learn to love me and all of me flaws. Yep, maybe my new and very first therapist can give me an idea about what to do about Zane. Next week was my first session with her, and I was scared as hell to tell her all of my deepest and darkest fears.

             I can’t believe I ran! As I began to walk into my bedroom, I heard the front door open. God, please let it be Rayanne. Please. I turned to look, and I was relieved to see it was.

“Hannah, what the fuck was that!” she yelled at me.

            “I don’t know Ray. I heard him call me that, and everything that I love about him and all the hurt came rushing back to me. I lost it,” I whispered back.

            She came running to me and hugged me tight. “Hannah, I love you so much dingbat, but that can not happen if you see him again,” she said, nodding her head expecting a reply.

            I nodded back at her. “I won’t let it happen again. I promise.”

            “You wanna know what he said after you ran like a crazy person out of there?” Rayanne paused for a moment, and had a concerned look on her face. “Fuck! Hannah, you know that is just a saying, right. I was not and would never call you crazy. You get that girl,” Rayanne said looking down at the ground.

            You could tell she felt bad for calling me crazy. My mother is bi-polar, and she decided years ago she doesn’t like taking her Clozapine, or any one of the other kinds of medicines they have tried through out my lifetime. She does like her vodka though, and that sure helps a ton. “Ray, honey, I know it’s just a saying. Relax. Even if I become bi-polar or develop any other mental health issue, I will do what has to be done to make me okay. Okay?” I told her sternly.

            “So, tell me now what he said. Wait. Do I wanna know what he said? Never mind. I do. Tell me,” I stammered out to her.

            “His exact words were, ‘She did not lose all that weight for me, right.’ I couldn’t fucking believe he asked me that! So, I just laughed in his face and left to find you,” she said.

            I couldn’t believe he thought I lost all of that weight for him. “What a selfish asshole! To think I would do all this for him! I mean, I think he started me wanting to, but I sure as hell didn’t keep going for him. I did it for me,” I told Rayanne. Losing all of my weight was the only thing that I, up until I walked away from my mother, ever did for myself. “He sure thinks a lot of himself doesn’t he,” I started asking, and then the there was a knock on our door. I literally felt my heart drop to my toes.

            “Shit! Ray, that’s probably him! He followed you here! Shit! Shit! Shit!” I started chanting, while jumping up and down.