Till There Was You

Burned Bridges

A/N: "We build too many walls and not enough bridges."-Isaac Newton

***

I must confess that I fell into depression when my father disowned me.

But instead of giving in to it, I overcompensated.

I pushed myself to go to work everyday, to do the best I can when I'm at rehearsals and to keep a straight face when others are around.

The smiles I showed when the cameras flashed, deceptively hid the pain in my heart.

Not only do I have the benefit of high technology but the expertise of photographers who have captured the faces and raw emotions of others before me.

Instead of being hindered by the sadness in my eyes, they utilized it as a tool to aroused varying degrees of feelings.

The overall result was a gazillion pictures of me taken in different angles with the best sorted out to be used for the promotional blitz for the upcoming show.

But when I'm at home, alone with Althea, that's the time I surrender to my true feelings of loneliness.

I shed the skin I used as an armor to protect my vulnerability and allowed myself to be exposed to the only person who understood how it felt to be alone in a crowd of thousands.

I would cry on her shoulders as she gently comforted me and repeatedly assured me that everything's going to be all right.

That I could cry as long as I want and she would always be beside me to hold my hand and dry my tears.

After a few months, I thought I was doing fine.

That was until my mother showed up one night, close to wrapping up the rehearsals.

She was with Gab and when I saw her, my knees buckled and I have to hold on to one of the chairs to prevent myself from falling.

My mother lost a lot of weight.

Her eyes reflected my own misery.

The first thing she said to me was she missed me and my heart gave out.

My eyes released a fresh wave of tears that I was helpless to fight.

The two of us sat in a corner to talk.

She asked me why I didn't make an effort to go back home.

"Did you want me to beg Dada to take me back?" I asked her and she nodded.

"You should've heard what he said to me and Althea, Ma." The tears trickled from my eyes and I wiped it away.

"He was disrespectful of our relationship and it hurt me to know that he could never accept me for who I am,"

My mother's lip quivered as she fought her own tears.

"Jade, try to understand."

"This wasn't easy for him......for us," she confessed.

"No parent would want his or her children to have a life like this,"

"This isn't how it's supposed to be."

"You were meant to be with a man not with a woman!" she reiterated and suddenly, I regretted having her here.

"Ma, this isn't a choice." I answered.

"Do you really think that if that was the case, I would choose to hurt you or anyone?"

"Would I choose to have a life in pain if I could choose to be happy?"