What a Catch! (Panic! At The Disco fanfiction )

Chapter 11- Do I Look Like I'm Laughing?

Ryan's POV

"Brendon, you absolute idiot!" I frowned, twisting the blade between my fingers and staining my skin with his blood. I shuddered in displeasure. He looked at me innocently, blinking away the cloudiness in his eyes. I wrapped my arms around him, engulfing myself in his warmth. He was shivering, looking more like a lost child than ever. I knelt by his side, putting my arm securely around him, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"  

"I- Ry-I-" He couldn't even string a sentence together. 

"Shh.." I said, pulling him close to me. I couldn't care less what I'd said earlier, he needed me now. Or he didn't need me at all. He needed his real friends. Ones that wouldn't leave him for selfish reasons. He needed Dallon. Spencer. Sarah. I shut my eyes, taking one last inhalation of his scent before puling him up to stand by my side, "Brendon, what's wrong?" 

"Ryan," He took a deep breath and looked me square in the eye, "I miss everything. I miss you, I miss us, I miss 2006.2007.2008,2009.. I want it all back and I know I'll never have it. I don't like this world. We've all changed too much. I don't like it.  I hate it. I can't cope. It hurts, Ryan.. I want the old you, the old me.." He began to sob softly, grabbing me as a comforter. I shut my eyes at his stinging words. I felt the same, but I didn't. I was happy now. I'd be the first to admit that things weren't perfect, but I was honestly satisfied with where I had gotten in life. 

"But that's gone now Brendon. We've grown up. We're not kids anymore, we need to take responsibility for our mistakes y'know? You've got Sarah, a beautiful wife that loves you so so much. Cherish her. Spoil her. Be there for her. Meanwhile, I have my own friends to focus on. I only came here today to mkae you happy. Maybe we can start a friendship again, but what we had is gone. And you're right, it's never coming back.." I didn't know what was building up inside me. Anger. Desperation. Disappointment. "So just get over it okay? Pull yourself together!" I finally snapped, standing up abruptly. His eyes widened. He was shocked. I scoffed myself in disbelief. He was holding on too tightly to what we had and it was pointless, I had realized. This was either going to work a little or not at all. No more. 

Brendon's POV

I stared at him in disbelief, my mouth gaping open. He really did feel nothing. He looked so much older than he had done. He was mature. A different person. That hurt, stung like salt on a fresh wound. That was a bad choice of words. It drew my attenton back to the stinging of my wrists, the blood oozing onto more unstained skin. I allowed Ryan to walk out. To head wherever he wanted. I wasn't going to try any more.  I shut my eyes and allowed a few more tears to trail down my face before cleaning myself up, wrapping toilet paper around my arms as not to stain my shirt. As I headed back to Sarah and the rest of the crew, I couldn't help but notice that Ryan was gone. Dallon spotted me first, slapping my back as he sat me down next to Sarah.

"No kiss and make up!" He encouraged and I forced a smile, pecking my wife on the lips. She smiled triumphantly and laced her fingers between mine. 

"I'm sorry, Bren.." She said softly, rubbing the back of my hand soothingly. I couldn't work out what she was apologizing for. What she had said? Or that'd I'd never have Ryan back? Something about the cruel glint of hatred in her eye told me it was the latter. I played the facade that I was happy, joking about with Dallon and Spencer. A fake grin was plastered to my face the entire time. We left taco bell soon afterwards, lumbering with us all the gifts. We arrived at bar down town, my intentions clear. I was going to get drunk. So drunk I couldn't tell the ground from the ceiling. And they would let me because it was my birthday. I cracked the first genuine smile I had given since Ryan left.

Sarah had gone home just after Taco Bell and I was currently downing my umpteenth shot. The haze was slowly creeping in around my vision.

"D'yuu know wot Dallon?" I slurred lazily, throwing myself against his shoulder clumsily, "I fink I might bee starting to get a bit old.." I squinted trying to read his expression. His voice was clear and precise, however. He was the designated driver, so completely sober, 

"You're not old Brendon, you're just maturing.." He smirked.

Dallon's POV

He thought we didn't know. He thought we couldn't tell. He was hurting inside. I picked him up supportively and propped his slumping body against my side. 

"You're not old Brendon, you're just maturing." I smirked down at him. He prodded my nose with a drunken point, 

"Like yooo y'mean?" He garbled some barely recognizable speech, "Wyan's machure now, yoo know." He scowled, "Stupid Wyan. Stupid self obsessed Wyan and his stinky cat that probably has fleas. Screw him!" He frowned, completely taking the topic on a U-turn as he began to cry, "Dammit Dallon, I still love him!" He was soon sobbing,

"I know you do, Brendon. I know..."