POV

10.11.25

To my Doc,

I honestly don't even know why I'm still writing this or why I keep sending you messages. Maybe because my heart refuses to stay silent. It's just that... I'm really hurting right now, and I don't know where or how to begin. Can I still call you my Doc? Please, can I have your permission to call you that-just for the last time?

Doc, it's been months, but the pain hasn't left. It lingers like a quiet storm inside me. I tried to act fine, to convince myself that everything's okay, but every night, the silence reminds me of the truth-I'm still not. I don't want to be a burden to you or to your wife, but I can't deny the ache that's eating me from the inside.

If I could turn back time and reset everything, I would. I'd go back to those moments when everything still made sense-before I lost you, before everything changed. I keep asking myself, how could I have hurt you? How could I? I'm truly sorry for the words I said, for the pain I caused. I didn't mean to throw hurtful things your way. I wasn't being selfish-I was just... broken. I was hurting, and I didn't know how else to express it.

You know me better than anyone, Doc. You know how I feel things deeply, how I try to understand everything even when it hurts. I tried so hard to piece together all the fragments you left behind-to understand the "why" behind everything that happened. But even in my confusion, please know this: I've already forgiven you.

Maybe you'll never fully understand how much I looked up to you. You weren't just someone I loved-you were someone I deeply admired. You were my comfort, my calm, my constant. Maybe this is what love really is... unpredictable, mysterious, and sometimes painful. But even in the pain, I find myself thanking God that I got to love you, even if it wasn't meant to last forever.

Thank you, Doc-for letting me love you for six long years. Thank you for the memories, for the laughter, and for the moments that once made me feel alive. I'm sorry if I was selfish at times. I was only holding on to something I wasn't ready to lose.

Now, as I write this with tears falling down my cheeks, I want you to know one last thing-I'm letting you go with peace in my heart. Don't feel guilty, okay? You deserve to be happy. You deserve every bit of joy that life is giving you now.

Congratulations, by the way... on your wedding. I may not have had the strength to say it earlier, but I truly mean it now. I'm happy that you've found your forever. Don't worry about me, Doc. I'll be fine someday. Maybe not now, but I will. This chapter of my life has taught me lessons I'll carry with me forever-lessons about love, forgiveness, and strength.

Thank you for being a part of my story. Thank you for being my Doc. And even though it hurts to say goodbye, I'll always be grateful that I once had you.

With all my heart,
- manang