POV

04.28.25

Dear Lord...Or may I call You something closer to my heart?

Papa.

Yes, that feels right.

Because right now, I need not just a mighty God-I need a Father.

A safe place.

A quiet shelter from the storm inside me.

Papa, I don't feel okay today.

And I know You already know that, because You always do.

But still, I want to say it out loud.

Not for You, but for me-so that this weight in my chest may finally loosen.

I don't know what happened...

I just woke up feeling empty. Heavy. Weak.

Not just in body, but in heart, in spirit.
And it scares me.

I've always tried to be strong.

Ismiled when it hurt.

I've told others, "Kaya ra na nimo," even when I didn't know how I would survive the next day.

But lately, even my own words feel like lies.

I whisper to myself, "Be strong,"
and my soul responds with a silence that echoes.

Papa, can I just be weak today?

Can I cry here in Your arms without pretending I'm fine?

Because I'm tired, Papa.

Not just the kind of tired that sleep can fix.

I'm tired in the bones of my soul.

Maybe it's school.

Maybe it's the pressure of growing up.

Maybe it's this looming shadow called the "real world" that everyone keeps talking about.

I'm almost in my third year of college now...and instead of feeling proud, I feel anxious.

The closer I get to the end, the more I realize-I'm only at the beginning of something far scarier: reality.

And I'm not ready.

I thought growing up would be freedom.

But it feels like chains made of invisible fears.

Bills.

Expectations.

Responsibility.

Decisions.

Loneliness.

And worst of all-uncertainty.

What if I fail?

What if I'm not enough?

What if I lose myself in the noise of the world?

I feel myself slipping, Papa.

Even church-something that once gave me light-feels dim now.

I don't even know why I don't want to go.

Is it laziness?

Is it sadness?

Or is it that haunting thought I try to silence:

"Maybe I'm drifting away from You?"

But even in this drifting, You are still the one I call to.

Because deep inside, I know-You're not the one walking away.

I am.

And yet, You stay.

You wait.

You watch me from afar with eyes full of mercy, never condemnation.

You promised me, didn't You?

That You'd never leave me nor forsake me.

Even when I'm confused. Even when I'm faithless.

Even when I forget to pray.

Even when I am too tired to believe.
You're still there.

And that's the only thing keeping me from drowning.

So I beg You now-hold my heart.
Anchor my soul.

And if I ever wander too far from You,
Remind me.

Gently, painfully, lovingly-reminds me of who You are and who I am in You.

Remind me that nothing in this world compares to You.

Remind me that the breath in my lungs is a gift.

That my existence is not an accident.
That I am seen, chosen, loved.

Papa, thank You.

Thank You for still being my peace when everything feels like chaos.

Thank You for being my wisdom when my thoughts are wild and restless.

Thank You for being my protector, when I don't even know what I need protection from.

Thank You for being the one constant when everything else shifts.

Thank You for giving me this life-
flawed, messy, painful, beautiful.

Thank You for the family that holds me, for friends who remind me of joy,
for classmates and teachers who teach me more than just lessons from books, and for the church-Your people-even if sometimes I feel distant from them.

Thank You for choosing me.

For allowing me to know You-not just as a God on a throne, but as a Father who draws near to the brokenhearted.

Your love... it's something no human has ever shown me in full.

And still, I long to know more of it.

There are no words deep enough,
no language wide enough, to describe just how good You are.

So instead, I'll live as my thank You.

Even when it's hard.

Even when I stumble.

Even when I cry.

Papa, wherever life takes me-wherever my feet may wander-
please, never let go of my hand.

I may be tired.

I may be uncertain.

But I know this for sure: I can survive anything, as long as You walk beside me.