His Smirk ||

15: Miracle Drug

“So are you coming?”

I looked up blankly and blinked a few times. I’d been completely zoning out as we sat eating lunch. “Where?”

Frankie groaned. “The bluffs.” He repeated for what must have seemed like the hundredth time. “There's always something going on there on Friday’s but since school’s almost done they’re getting bigger and bigger.”

“Oh. Right.” I mumbled. Kale had told me about them once. I think he’d even gone as far as inviting me. “The bluffs.” I repeated and stabbed my tater tots with the white plastic fork.

“You all right bug a boo?” Brendon swooped in beside me, resting his head on my shoulder as he absentmindedly played with a lock of my hair.

 “Yeah.”

Was I? It wasn’t really a question I could answer. What was all right anyways? I mean I was healthy. I had a home. I had friends. But was I really okay?

Frankie must have given up on asking me to come along for he’d turned and started a conversation about the upcoming summer with Spencer. I watched as they laughed at some joke I didn’t hear. Jakeson joined in on the conversation and he gave me a smile as he noticed I was watching them.

I gave him a weak halfhearted smile back. It was all I could find myself able to muster. Though he looked concerned he took the hint and continued the conversation. My eyes drifted away from the so as to try and keep at least a little of my sanity in place.

They were all so happy. It was almost sickening. And there I was sitting and pouting inside as though the world had ended. Had it? I doubt I’d realize if it had.

Kale and I had ended everything just like that'd. It'd been so easy for me to tell him that there wasn't even an 'us' to discuss. I'd loved the boy. I'd given him my virginity. Now I dismissed him with such simple words as though it meant nothing to me. But it did. It meant the world.

It doesn't mean anything to Kale. I reminded myself as I began to feel guilty about it. I couldn't very well go and start blaming everything on me. 

As though having some keen sense of my thoughts being on him Kale joined the table, Sarah hanging from his arm as they joined in the summer conversation. It was still a month or more away yet it was all they could talk about.  Of course it is. I thought sourly. They are teenagers without a care. Summer is like some sort of drug to them

I held in a scowl as the darkness in my gut twisted into a knot. He was so carefree, so normal. Even with me sitting right across from him he didn't so much as chance me a glance. I was in the past to him. Just another one of his many conquests.

I'd gone in knowing how he was. It really was my fault after all. The moment I'd met him I'd pegged him as a perv. He'd told me I'd want him and I'd denied it. Sure enough he'd weaseled his way into my heart.

The worst part was I hadn't even known it was happening. Just one day his smile started to mean more to me. Then that day in the cave we seemed so far from everyone and I felt so close to him-