Tell Me That You Love Me

The Phone Call

The doorbell rings.
Shane.
I stood up.
My heart was pounding with the thought of our phone call from last night.

"I know you're with him but Joey, I can't shake this feeling that maybe...maybe me and you-"

No...
I can't keep thinking like this...
I fling the door open.
Blue eyes flood my vision.
"Hey, Shane."
He was wearing a black sweater and skinny jeans. His caramel hair was falling into his darkened face.
"No hair gel, today?"
He reached up at the mention of it to try and restrain the mess back into its usual quiff and when it didn't work, he drew out a hefty sigh.
"I'm so done with it."
I laughed as he stepped in the doorway.
He made no eye contact.
Even when we hugged, his body felt tense, uncomfortable against mine and he was very eager to pull away.

He soon scurried out of my way to venture into my apartment.
I closed the door and followed.
He was searching through my cupboards. I watched him unravel a packet of Oreos and tuck one in between his lips.
"Idiot," but he was too busy opening the fridge to acknowledge my insult.
I sighed and strolled over towards the couch. I sat down and soon Shane did the same with a bottle of Diet Coke tucked in between his legs.
"Hungry?" I questioned and he somewhat glared.
"Are you fat shaming me, Joseph?"
"What? No, no." I laughed half-heartedly.
"I've been going to the gym everyday this week. I deserve this."
"I know, I was just...asking." I reassured him.
Dimples formed with his smirk. I sighed in relief at the hint of his smile.

Maybe I was right: maybe what he was saying last night was a joke? Maybe we can still get past this as friends?
It's ridiculous to think about anyway. Imagine; Shane Dawson having a crush on me?!
I smirk at the idea.
It could never happen.

We stayed silent for a while. His head was tucked down so low I couldn't see his expression; only the light chocolate strands of hair swinging in his face. Crumbs formed on his t-shirt as the packet quickly began to decrease.
This isn't like him at all.
He's usually careful with his diet. He's usually self-conscious with people seeing him eat.
Something is wrong...is it what I think it is?

I clear my throat.
"Me and Daniel painted the place up."
"I noticed." Shane answered but his eyes were still not facing me. "It's nice."
"Yeah I mean you haven't really being at this apartment before. Me and Daniel are planning on renting it for a year or so."
"That's cool."
I sighed. My stomach was tensing, emotion bubbling up as the silence drew in. I felt my hands wrench at the hem of my t-shirt. My lungs tightening.
Just ask him about it.
I can't.
Just do it.
No, I can't! It doesn't matter anyway.
It does matter!
He's my friend!
Do it for Shane's sake!

"Listen...Shane," He looked up and I gulped with the intensity lurking in his face.
"About that phone call...I-"
"No," He interrupted. "Just forget what I said, Joey. I was confused, maybe a little high on medication. I didn't mean what I said."
He placed his hand on my shoulder.
"I really am happy for you and Daniel."
My stomach heavily drops leaving me with a sickening, untameable feeling. I looked away. He must sense my confusion because he continues talking.
"I'm really confused with this whole bisexual thing. I feel alone, depressed and considering you were the only one there for me...I got my emotions mixed up."

I look at him and for once I see him - the real him. He suddenly isn't the humorous character he comes across as in his videos but a broken man with a lot of emotion building up within him.
I can't stand the look of him because my heart breaks with the image of him breaking down like a fragile tower; built so high but with such loose parts, it's a disaster ready to happen.
I pull him into a hug. He feels heavy in my arms.
"I'm your friend and...I'm here for you, Shane."
He pulls away, smiling briefly.
"Thanks Joey. That means a lot."

He then got up leaving me with a shattered heart to stare it.
I should be happy that Shane doesn't have feelings for me. I should be relieved, shouldn't I?
I am, aren't I?
I don't feel happy.
There is a hole in my heart at his words but why?
I'm concerned for Shane, that's why. He's really unhappy at the moment.
I gaze at him from across the room.
He shouldn't be though. He has nothing to be insecure about.

He returns. He appears happy now; smirking and constantly cracking jokes. He almost fooled me but I know deep down he's breaking inside and it kills me to know how his comedy is a way to conceal the pain.
"Should we should make a shoey video?" He asks and I cannot contain the tug of the grin on my lips.
"Always."

His blue eyes sparkle with indigo fireworks.
"I have this...idea for one,"
"Go on." I turn towards him, eager to know.
He turns too so that we are both cross legged, facing one another.
He's leaning in. I can smell his cologne; musky and harsh. He clearly sprayed too much on himself before he came here. His eyes are scanning my face and I feel myself tense up. The sweat is piling up from beneath my t-shirt. My hands tangling within my lap.
What is he-
"Fuck!"
"What?" I pull back, startled.
"That's what everyone wants to see, right? Us fucking!"
I laugh, nodding despite the hammering of my heart.
"How about we just ask people on Twitter to send us shoey questions?"
He rolls his eyes sarcastically, that one dimple becoming visible once again as he grins.
"Okay, I guess I could hold off the fucking for a bit." He says as he gets up.
He grabs my arm, hauling me up.
"You set up the camera and the lightening and I'll send out the tweets."
I shake my head.
"Great, just make me do all the work."
"Well, you are the woman of the relationship." He tells me, giggling like a mischievous child.
I laugh but my heart is beating too fast, far too many butterflies in my stomach for this to be nothing more than just a friendship.

This is wrong.
So wrong.
I think of Daniel and guilt washes throughout me. I start breathing heavily with the idea of me falling for-
It's okay, it's always being like this. Me and Shane, we're just really...close.
Exactly. I don't have feelings for him, I love-
"Joey!" The call of Shane's voice makes me turn on my heels and I drop everything to see what he wants.

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Hey, I'm new.
My name is Chloe, I'm seventeen and this is my Shoey fanfiction.
I'm a massive fan of both Shane Dawson and Joey Graceffa.

Please vote, comment and tell me what you think!