Tell Me That You Love Me

Playing Games

"Shane!"
My toms clamber clumsily against the pavements. I don't care for the people staring at me as I leap through the crowds, trying to catch up with him. I don't care for anyone but him.
"Shane, please!" I snatch him by the arm but he continues to walk away.
I jump in front of him, causing him to halt.

"Joey...what the fuck?" He scowls at me but I can see the glimpse of emotion riving in his eyes.
"Let me explain. I'm not, I wasn't..." I try to maintain eye contact but he looks like he's on the verge of breaking down.
His jaw is tightly flexing, eyebrows furrowing along with the flickering eyelashes.
I ache to take his pain away.
"I didn't...babe, don't-"
He abruptly shoves me away.
"Don't fucking call me that!"
"Shane-"
"Don't touch me. I'm not stable, you can't keep, keep...doing this."
"Doing what?"
"Playing this game!"
I push my hands against my face, sighing heavily.
"Are you kidding me? You're kidding me, right?"
His eyes scan my face rapidly. He honestly looks confused and my heart shatters with his hint of disbelief.
"I love you, you idiot. When are you going to realise that?" The fury in his expression crumbles and he ducks his head down.
I continue though:
"If you ask me you're the one who's playing the games. That phone call we had when you confessed your love, that kiss; I genuinely don't know how you feel about me."
He looks up and as though sub-consciously I reach out to caress his face. He shudders under my delicate touch.
"Shane...just, I've told you I love you and I do. I love you so much."
"I know." His whisper is low, quiet.
I gulp. Heart racing with the pressure of asking him.
"Then....tell me...tell you you feel the same."
He pulls away, gripping the back of his neck. I can see his nails clawing at his flesh.
"I...can't."
"Shane, it's you I want. When I was in that restaurant with Daniel, I wasn't-"
"I know!" His voice cracks achingly. "I just...I can't be with you!"
I turn away from him, heart slowly yet surely breaking. My hands grip my shirt. I try to withhold the unbearable emotions racing within me but I can't. The tears pour down my face like a volcano's explosion of hot lava.
I feel broken, trapped.
I feel like I'm falling through the concrete slabs.

I feel his presence behind me however. I wonder if he's staying because he really does love me or maybe he's just concerned - or maybe he's not there at all.
That's when he grasps me by the waist and pulls me into his arms. I unexpectedly gasp into his neck at his sudden embrace.
"I'm sorry." His whisper travels throughout my body and just as easy as that; I feel myself stop falling.

I can't help the disappointment in the pit of my stomach though.
Does he love me?

*     *    *
(1 week later)

We've being hanging out a lot.
Whether it's creating a video for YouTube, watching some lame chick flick or talking over Skype.
We still hang out.

"It's for a video," He's telling Drew at the moment.
Drew is Shane's best friend. He has wavy, raven hair and a sarcastic attitude. I witness them talking as I exit the bathroom. He's rolling his eyes at whatever Shane is saying. Shane is laughing loudly with his head tilted back, his snigger croaking with snorts.
I stop, wanting to watch him for a while but as soon as I do he spots me like a wolf catching the scent of its prey. His eyebrows shift causing his indigo iris' to glisten with bemuse.
"Joey, I was talking to Drew about this." I walk towards them.
"It's stupid." Drew insists.
"Don't listen to him. It's a great idea," Shane looks at me with a dimpled smirk. "We can do a ship video. Shoey verses Strew!"
"Sounds good." I agree and he squeezes my arm, giving me a long, indescribable look before walking towards the couch.
I shake the feeling away.

As we sit he swings an arm around both of us.
"Hey everybody! Yes, I'm here with my ships; Shoey and Strew!"
"We're your titanics." I add.
He roars out a laugh before patting me on the back.
"Looks like Joey's already in the lead."
We turn to Drew in sync for his response to this.
"My name is Drew!" He announced loudly and me and Shane look at one another laughing.
"We're going to see what ship is better by-" Shane begins but I cut in.
"Well, Shoey is better because shoey has being around for centuries so there for-"
Drew glares at me.
"What's wrong with this child?"
"He's special." Shane once again touches me, his hand squeezing my thigh lightly.
I feel myself blush and I quickly duck my head down.
He then puts his hands back in his lap and I look up, coming to the conclusion that it was all just a display for the camera.
Of course it was...

"Let's start this off by doing a series of questions about me and let's see who knows me best."
"Easy!" I shout.
"I don't really give a shit." Drew insists.
"He loves me really." Shane says, trying to pull him in but he dismisses him.
"I really don't."
"Fine then," His arm is back around my shoulders. "I'll just have Joey!"
Shane then looks at me with alluring blue eyes and I can't help but turn away from his gaze. My heart is drumming violently. My mouth is numb.
I somewhat have an urge to clamber onto his lap and kiss him softly by the lips but of course I can't and I don't.
I look into the lens and laugh like everything's okay.

We've been answering questions about him for the past half hour.
"Okay, I guess I should pick the best ship now!" Shane finishes.
His mouth curves into a lip-bitten smirk. He looks at me with that same, undeniable attractive gaze.
"Shoey..." He speaks slowly. His voice is deep and husky. His eyes, blue and full of so many emotions it's hard to look away.
My heart is thudding. My mind racing. I slowly peer down at his mouth; creamy pink and gaping open.
He's leaning in.
What is he...
"I'm kidding, Strew for life!"
He then pulls away and swiftly places his head on Drew's shoulder. They both look up at the camera laughing hysterically.
I feel my guts twist. I try to smile but my throat is tightening, lungs screeching.
Wow...I guess I was wrong. He really doesn't like me in that way. He's not insecure at all. He just wants to mess with me, lead me on.
How could I be so naive?!

"Joey?" I look up.
The camera is away and Drew is in the middle of putting the lights away when Shane slides in closer to me.
His eyebrows are furrowed, his hand reaching out for me.
I pull away sharply.
"And you accused me of playing games..."
I start walking away but as I am about to reach the front door; I am shoved into the bathroom.
I turn around but before I can fully acknowledge what is happening; his lips descend upon mine.

* * *
I am soy excited for Shane's podcast tomorrow with Joey and Daniel!
He was in Joey's most recent vlog!
Is Shoey back on?!😍

Chloe