Tell Me That You Love Me

Start Over

His hand grasps mine as we exit his apartment.
"I'm sorry about tonight." He murmurs.
I lean over and brush my lips against his stubble coated cheek as a reassurance.
He looks down with a grin.
Isn't he adorable?
"Where are we even going? Do you still want to go along with your plans?" He suddenly asks.
"It's up to you." I say.
He then starts rambling on about a restaurant he's recently being to. I'm not listening though.
All I can focus on is how his fingers naturally melt into mine. How incredible his skin felt against my mouth.
I nod along though and he shakes his head at me, smiling because he knows I have no idea what he's talking about.

We spent the rest of the night chugging down alcohol and laughing like complete idiots.
He has his arm tight around my waist as we exit. The heat from his palms are draining through my thin layered shirt. Every limb in my body aches for him to be against me. I find myself pushing him up against a near wall just outside the restaurant. His fists clench the fabric of my shirt as I cup his face. I feel his jaw flex against my finger tips.
"Joey..."
He's breathing heavily against me.
"It's okay." I whisper.
His indigo eyes are scanning my face rapidly as I lean in towards him.
My lips mould into his and gradually he relaxes.

*          *         *
(The next morning)

I awake.
Naked.
On the bathroom floor.
Wait, what?!

I sit up, sweat gushing over my body. I am utterly alone with no clothing nor sheets to cover my body. As I move, I feel pain strike through my temples. I grip the tilted floor with both my hands.
What happened last night?
Then right on queue; a small piece of last night smacks me hard in the face.

"You kissed him?"
Shane.
He is sat on my lap, shirtless. His face is flushed scarlet. His eyebrows furrowing as he gazes into my eyes.
He looks at me for an explanation.
Despite being in a drunk haze, I know what I had done. Guilt washes over me but I don't respond as though I am.
I push him away causing him to tumble off my knee. I exit the living room and bury myself in the bathroom.

I remember why I had taken Shane back to my apartment. I wanted to prove to Daniel that he did love me.
Why did I have to prove our love for anyone? Why didn't I explain to him I didn't kiss Daniel back?

I don't know how but suddenly I'm in his apartment block with nothing on but a pair of jeans and a converse.
I arrive at his door with a rushing heart. My mind thudding loudly with every motion.
I should be huddled up in bed, trying to get over my hangover - not chasing boys.
He isn't just any boy though.
He is the love of my life.

"Shane?" My voice croaks and my fists are sore against the door.
"Shane please..."
I lean my head against the cool wood of his front door.
"I don't know where I went wrong. I don't know how or why I act the way I do. I'm messed up." I sigh. "I know you can't hear me but...fuck it, I love you."
There is no response.
So I lay on the floor and wait.
I wait; shirtless and sweating with a really intense headache that makes it hard to sit up properly.

Eventually he opens the door.
He tries to close the door as soon as he catches sight of me. I clamber to my knees and hold it open with trembling hands.
I look up with a pleading gaze.
I can hardly make him out with my blurry vision but just his presence makes my stomach jerk.
"What do you want?"
"I, Shane-"
"Don't pretend you care Joey."
He shakes his head roughly.
That's when I remember.

"Are you sure?" I whispered as I drew him onto my lap.
He leaned into me slowly. Emotion was swelling up in his eyes. I could feel his heartbeat against my chest.
"I love you, Joey."
I stared at him. Heart gushing with his confession.
He said it.

Now the door is getting thrown in my face but I halt it with my foot. The sharp corner sends affliction through my ankle but I ignore it as we lock eyes.
"I want to be with you. Not him." I blurt out.
"Bullshit." He murmurs but I can see it in his eyes he wants to believe me.
He waits.
I don't have a speech though. I don't have an explanation.
Still he doesn't slam the door in my face. I can see him completing in his head whether to welcome me with open arms or not.
I clear my throat loudly.
"Let's just start over."
He opens his mouth to say something but I quickly continue.
"You know, we can just go back to those little dates in your apartment and, and the shoey videos. We don't have to-"
"I think...dating you was a mistake."
I struggle to stand. I latch onto the doorway as I stumble recklessly to my feet.
"Please, Shane."
"Joey," He looks away from me as the tears flush down his face. "I can't keep-"
"Don't give up on me."
"You? What about me?" He whispers, struggling to contain eye contact. "It's always about you, Joey. It's always about what you want. What about me? I need love too."
I reach out and take his hand.
"I know, I know. I'm a fucking idiot but this time I'll-"

He thrusts his hand away from me.
He looks so angry. I've never seen him like this. His eyes are dark. Eyebrows narrowed. I can his jaw flexing viciously beneath his skin.
"You'll what?!"
I open my mouth to answer but he leans in. His breath is hot against my mouth as he continues to talk.
"You'll just do it again, Joey. Tell me you love me and then kiss your ex boyfriend behind my back. Is that what you call-"
I interrupt him with a full on kiss.
To my surprise he accepts as he pulls me into his apartment.

* * *
The chapter is slightly rushed, I'm sorry. I really hope this book makes sense and it isn't just a rambled mess😂

Thank you for the lovely comments by the way! It means a lot!

Chloe