Tell Me That You Love Me

Love Me

Shane is dropping me off.
I feel a heaving cloud pouring over me as I undo my seat belt.
I turn to him, hand already on the door.
"Thanks Shane...for today."
"Yeah, It was good." He smiles ahead at the long, gloomy roads.
His smile is brief. Eyes, a misery of blue.
Maybe he's just tired? Or am I making him unhappy?
Am I making him unhappy?!
I sigh before getting out of his car.
Yes, we had a great time. He was affectionate. He opened the door for me, paid for my coffee.
But, somehow it isn't enough.
I tell myself he loves me but the question is intoxicating me.
Why did he pull away from that kiss?

I enter my apartment.
"Oh,"
Daniel.
He is sat up on the couch, tucking into a bowl of cereal. Milk dribbles down his chin as he looks up at me startled.
He quickly wipes the mess away with the back of his hand.
"You're...back late."
"Yeah well me and Shane were..." I trail away as I remember he doesn't want me to shove it in his face.
God, why am I always putting people first?
"I should go to bed."

A few moments after I shut my bedroom door I hear him get up to turn off the lights and then just as suddenly he goes to bed himself.
Did he stay up for me?
I brush the thought away.
Why does it fucking matter? I'm with Shane.
Are you though? He didn't seem that keen when-
Stop it. He wants to go slow, that's all.

* * *

The next morning I'm feeling more positive. I'm planning on taking Shane out. I had text him this morning, asking him if he was able to.
He had agreed.

I was now spinning around my bedroom like an insane man unable to sit still. His appearance flood my imagination.
I could just picture him entering the five star restaurant. He would be smiling softly but his eyes would be scanning the room rapidly. He would be nervous, fidgeting with his fingers, constantly fixing his hair.
He would be amazed I had taken him out to somewhere so luxurious.
"You didn't have to do this," He would say.
I would look him in the eyes and tell him confidently; "I would do anything for you."

I have been planning it since 9.00AM this morning. It wasn't until 6.30PM that I got a phone call.
"Joey, listen." He sighed. "I feel so bad but I can't make it tonight."
My heart dropped. Emotion tensing up within me as I shakily pulled the phone away.
I await with my iPhone at arms length for an explanation from him but there isn't one. I hear him cough awkwardly on the other end.
"Joey...are you still there?"
I hang up and immediately storm into the living room.
I toss myself onto the couch and land faced down onto the cushioned furniture.
Abruptly, I feel a hand on my shoulder.
I look up to see Daniel appearing rather anxious.
"I thought you and Shane were..." He trails off as though just realising. "Oh, right...I should..."
He turns to leave but I catch him by the wrist.
"Wait..."
I sit up.
You can't talk to him about this.
But, my chest is heaving, all I can feel is pain and therefore I no longer care.
I move up to allow him to sit next to me.
"Are you okay?" He asks, sitting down.
"I, uhm..." I shake my head as emotion takes over.
He sighs.
"Sweetie, you can talk to me about it."
I gulp.
"I don't want to make you feel like I'm bragging or anything but..." I grin through the tears like a complete psychopath. "I love him. I love him...so much but-"
"He doesn't love you back?"
"No, he does love-I mean-I don't..." I shove my palms roughly up against my face. "I don't know."
He puts an arm around me.
I continue talking:
"Maybe he's not ready for a relationship."
"Or maybe you're just too good for him."
I shake my head at him.
"I'm not." I look at him with a snarl. "He's just-you don't get it, he's just..."
I stand up.
"You don't fucking get it!"
Suddenly, I'm spun around. His hands grip my waist. He leans into me and covers his lips with mine.
I struggle in his grasp but eventually tear his arms from around me.
"Dan, what the fuck!"
He gulps, eyes flushing as he leans in slightly.
"I-Joey, I just-he doesn't deserve you!"
"You don't get it, Dan! I love him!"
"But, does he love you?!"
Silence draws in as the question surrounds me.
He puts his hand against my cheek.
"Exactly." He whispers, trying to draw me into his chest.
I shove him away.
"You're wrong!"
"Joey, where are you-"
It's too late though.
I'm long gone.

* * *
"Shane!"
I burst into his apartment.
"Joey, what are you-"
I grab him by the hips. My fists grabbing handfuls of his shirt. My mouth is attacking his.
He gasps into my lips and immediately pulls away.
"Joey, stop..." I let go of him to see him scanning my face in confusion.
"I'm...I'm sorry." I gulp.
I look behind him to see he is utterly alone in his apartment in shorts and a torn t-shirt. "You...don't seem busy."
He doesn't hesitate to answer.
"I was finishing the final chapter of my book."
"Why didn't you tell me that?"
"Forget that, why did you just...why did you..." He waits for an answer but I don't have one.
I'm tired. I'm tired of asking the same questions. I thought, once again, that if I came here he would prove his love for me. I am left empty, confused. I look at him and all that I see in his eyes is pity.
I sigh, already feeling emotion bubbling up within me.
I turn to leave but he stands in front of me. At first he doesn't move. His indigo eyes gaze lovingly into mine, fingers lightly tracing up my arm. He then presses his mouth up against mine. It isn't rushed nor harsh as my one was. It is beautiful and slow. It causes every worry I have ever had to vanish within seconds.
Then he releases me.

He sighs causing hot air to lash up against my face.
"How about we go out."
"Really?"
His lips form into a sheepish grin.
"Yeah. I can finish the chapter later." He pulls me into his apartment. "You need to help me find something appropriate to wear."
I smirk.
"Yeah, you're fashion taste is awful."
He looks me up and down with a smirk.
"You're right. I want to look as good as you." He winks before disappearing into his bedroom.
I bite back a smile.
I knew I would prove Daniel wrong.

* * *
Thank you for reading.
Please like and comment if you enjoyed it! ❤️

(I'm just going to throw it out there bc I feel like I need to let it out; I've been having these really bad tics lately were I constantly sniff or clear my throat out of anxiety and if I don't do it then I feel like I can't breathe.
Writing has being calming me down but it's just so hard to deal with and i don't know what to do.
I hope someone can relate.)

Chloe