Ever

Chapter 7

Kelly

The rain dripped down the panes of glass windows and tapped on the tin roof of the barn.  I stared up at the support beams that accumulated dust and spider webs for decades.

The hay loft was cozy and sweet smelling. I turned and fixed the blanket over myself. 

The soft thud of the horses’ hooves shifting in the stall. The thoughtful lapping of water from the buckets. The creaking of the boards under stress from a horse leaning against it. The nibbling of hay from the corner of their stalls and the sigh of air as the calm down for the night. It was so familiar, so relaxing. It was home.

***

“You were drunk. Totally wasted and not to mention high. And that’s a concern we, as friends, have to talk about,” explained Blake who sat on the couch next to me holding my hand tightly. His attempt to comfort me wasn’t working.

I felt like a shell. I had no desire to engage in the conversation. I wanted to be in bed or in the hay loft or even better on a horse. I didn’t want to be here.  It seemed too soon to talk about considering it happened last night. Tyler still had no inclination what he really did wrong.

I haven’t told him about Libby I thought just as Blake continued.

“You don’t even get why this time was so bad,” he half yelled, “And it was no embarrassing drunk text either.”

Tyler looked from me back to Blake confused.

I sucked in a breath, “Not long ago,” my voice caught.

“Kel you don’t have to tell him,” he whispered into my ear, giving my hand a squeeze.

“Not long ago, I was half raped by my then boyfriend. You said to me the same exact drunken and slurred phrase he said.” A tear thought about trickling down my cheek but Blake wiped it away. He squeezed my shoulder and pulled me into his chest. Guilt clung to my chest.

I shouldn’t have let her go. She should be with me, in my arms, warm and safe. She doesn’t even know who her mother is.

I never even got to watch those little blue eyes open, hold her tiny body, wrap her little fingers around mine.

I cried a little harder into his chest.

I found some level of composure and looked over at Ty. “Blake we need a moment.” I straightened up as he looked down at me.

“Are you sure?” I nodded, “I’ll be in the  other room,” he turned addressing Tyler, “ So help me God if you lay a finger on her when she doesn’t let you and you will live in the ground.”

“BLAKE!” I scolded, but he had already walked to the kitchen.

I stood walked across the room to the couch Ty occupied. I placed a hand on his thigh and kept my gaze there as I asked, “Why were you wasted last night?”

“My dad died...” His voice hinted to something else.

“And?”

“It should have been me.”

“When’s the funeral?”

“Tuesday.”

“Do you want me to come,” he shook his head, “Put a rose in for me then.” I stood, taking a step towards the kitchen when he laid his hand on my shoulder, carefully not to startle me.

I didn’t move and neither did he. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t tell anybody.”