Ever

Chapter 12

I straighten my blouse as I walked to the kitchen. It was the rare occasion I wore makeup, minimal, but noticeable, and had done something with my hair other than throw it in a bun. The mascara hung heavily on my eye lashes and I had the desperate urge to go and wipe it all off. I had a nice pair of jeans on, defined as a pair with no holes, and a deep red tank top on. I clutched my coffee and slipped on my boots to head out to the barn.

The morning was bright and warm. All the horses were out in the pastures playing and chasing each other back and forth.  The fillies and colts were standing at the gate waiting for food. Everything was so serene with the sweet smell of the earth covered in light dew. I walked to the barn quietly not making an impression in the ground. Setting my mug down and pulling to bales of hay on to the four-wheeler, I went to feed.

I noticed as I finished spreading the bales to the back of the pasture a minivan pulled into the grey driveway. A man stepped out and opened the back sliding door to the vehicle. With a pink covered baby seat he was walked up the front walk and out of sight behind the house. I took in a gulp of air, trying to sooth myself. Giving Coaly a final glance I revved the engine to the quad and went back to the barn. I hardly noticed I was kicking up mud and my jeans were now speckled with brown. I hoped off and ran through the barn, grabbing my coffee and dashing for the house.

I walked in to Rene, Jamie and the man sitting causally in the TV room talking. Jamie was staring at the car seat which subtle noises were coming from.

I wiped my hand against my thigh and stuck it out to the man. “Hello, I’m Kelly. I apologize for being late.” I tried to slow down and speak as formally as possible to make up for my appearance. Jamie looked up at me realizing the stiffness in my voice.

“Andrew,” he shook my hand with a smile. He wasn’t the same man that talked to me over the phone. He was much friendlier and seemed to genuinely enjoy his job.

“Could you please excuse me for one moment?” he nodded and I gave a reassuring smile to Rene as I walked into my room. I pulled out my only other ‘good’ pair of jeans. I shot Blake a quick text, Libby’s here. Will text you when we are done. His reply was immediate which was strange. Ok bby hope all goes well. With a bit more confidence I was walked out of my room and took a seat next to Rene. She had Libby propped on her lap bouncing her gently. Elizabeth had gotten so big. I could see Owen in her but she had my eyes. Her short hair was pulled into piggy tails one on each side of her head. Libby noticed I had sat down next to Rene and smiled. She was growing in her baby teeth.

“… is a big responsibility especially for someone still in high school.” Andrew was saying.

“I’m aware but, Rene, correct me if I’m wrong, I believe I’m a very level-headed person.” Andrew looked at Rene and she gave an honest smile and nod.  Libby reached out to me and I pulled her onto my lap. She sat quietly on my lap leaning onto my chest as I continued. “I’ll take a year between high school and college to spend time with her and save up the money to support her and me. I’ve applied for colleges already and I’ve gotten a response from Cornell. They under the situation I’m in and have offered me a scholarship and different aspects so Libby could live with me.”

We continued talking and finally after what seemed like forever, I signed an entire tree worth of papers making Libby no longer a ward of the state but my legal child. I held the tears away until Andrew left. With Lib on my hip I smiled and waved goodbye from the porch until the minivan turned off the dirt road. I looked down at her little face and noticed her tired eyes. Pulling her up, I held her chest to mine placing a hand under her to keep her there. I grabbed by phone from my room and lay down on the couch with her. I repositioned her so she could be comfortable and pulled a blanket over us. The day had been long and emotional exhausting. As I was dozing off I remember I had promised to text Blake that Libby was legally me daughter. Lib had flipped herself over onto her stomach with one little arm straightened again me and the other bent slightly above her head. I rested my hands on her back careful not to disturb her. I typed on my phone to Blake, Its official. I assumed he would text back or call but I didn’t receive anything. I shifted, putting my phone down and closed my eyes allowing sleep to consume me, slowly and all at once.

I woke up to Lib beginning to stir. I held her and sat myself up, cradling her and soothing her so she wouldn’t cry. Bending my knees I laid her in the crook. I checked the time on my phone 5:46 also noting I hadn’t gotten a reply from Blake. Picking up Lib, I made our way to the kitchen I pulled out some cheerios and put them in a plastic bowl. As I was putting away the box an arm snaked around my waist and pulled me into their chest.

“She looks like her mommy. She’s gonna be one tough cookie,” a warm breath spread across my skin.

“Hi honey. She’s just waking up.” I turned my head up to look at Blake. I handed her the small plastic bowl and sat her down in the high chair. While she ate I pulled out a quilt for her to lay on in the living room. As I laid it out, I peeked through the doorway into the kitchen and smiled as I watched Lib and Blake together for the first time. He smiled his goofy grin as he pulled some cheerios from her bowl and spread them out across her tray then ate one. She giggled a bit then picked up one from the bowl and stuck it out to his mouth. He took it with his lips then took a piece of the cereal and flew it around like an airplane before he gave it to her to eat. They were precious together and for a second, I felt complete. Everything would be ok.

I shooed the black lab out of the living room and vacuumed. Straitening up the room and mine I went back to see Libby and Blake now absent from the kitchen. I walked to the window to see Blake pushing her on the swings. Her little hands were spread out to the sky with each push coming closer to grabbing the tree branch she saw aiming for.

I poured myself some more coffee and curled up on the chair in the front room where I could see them and I wondered to myself. How did I get so lucky? Im surrounded by people who love and support me more than anything in the world. My world isn’t so much like hell anymore. I took a picture of the two of them and added it to a new message. I typed in Owen’s contact and hit sent.

A while later he called.

“Kelly…” his voice was a bit desperate or as though he didn’t expect me to pick up.

“I was just letting you know she’s legally mine and no longer a ward of the state.” I interrupted before he could say more, “It seemed like the courteous thing to do.”

“You know what courtesy is?” he laughed.

He struck a nerve. “I didn’t have to call you.” I pulled the phone away to end the call but I could still hear his desperate voice.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry about all of it but you and I both know you can’t change back time. She was the biggest mistake of my life and I shouldn’t have ever left.”

Now I was on fire. “Owen the only thing stopping me from hanging up on you coming down there and personally ripping your balls off is the fact that I’m sure one day my daughter is going to know what her father looks like and we can’t exactly come and visit I you have a restraining order against me. You over use sorry kinda like the way you used to say I love you-“

“Only you fell for it then.”

“Yes I did. But she is the most beautiful mistake I have ever made. You won’t get to see her grow up and that’s your loss.” And with that I clicked the end button and turned back to the swing set. Blake had her propped up against his legs as he lay in the grass. I rolled up my jeans and walked out to them. Lying down next to them, I noticed Lib’s eyes were watching me.

“Hey baby girl,” I smiled at her and she giggled back.

“You say mama?” I cooed in a baby voice. She babbled a bit. “Mama” She formed the ‘m’ sound. “Mama” I repeated.

She gurgled something along the lines of the word and I nearly cried. I was something magical and amazing and awe-inspiring. The responsibility of raising this child is now yours. Blake took my hand in his and the three of us just laid there wondering about whatever 18 month old babies, new fathers and mothers who just got their kid back wonder about.