Payback Is a Bitch (A Rock N Roll Soul Story Part I)

15. BULLIED

"What are you talking about Alex?" Andres asked me as he looked at me confused. "Go back to where?"

"Mom said I should stop running from my problems and I am tired of hiding here. I'm hiding here from Heather and Brad, I can't afford to lose a part of me just because I was afraid of them, I have to go and prove them that I am no longer afraid of them; in more short words I'm going back to get some payback." I said in a firm voice. "I will face my fear once and for all."

Andres was clearly not happy with my choice and I of course told him that if he didn't want to come with me he was more than welcome to stay here in France with Nina and Blake but of course he didn't agree the only thing he told me was:

"I'm not letting you go by yourself; I have to take care of you. I promise mom I would do that always."

And then he followed up by starting to pack his things, shortly after I told my dad my plans about going back to the States he immediately understood what I wanted to do and he agreed to come with us, also I think that this was going to be good for him because mom and dad were soul mates and it was being hard for him.

The love of his life and mother of his children had died.

Of course my devastated, he put up his strong face for us but even at night I would hear him cry.

I would always go to bed with him and hugged him, we would both cry until we slept together thinking of my momma.

This was the best.

But after all of this I still had to tell two people Nina and Blake.

I had called them to the backyard and they were already there impatiently waiting for me.

"Andres said that you had to tell us something very important." Nina said as she looked at me. "What is it?"

I took a deep breath and decided to let out the bomb.

"I'm going back to the States." I said as I shrugged. "I can no longer stay here."

Nina had a sad expression in her face but she understood, I turned to Blake and he seemed disappointed.

"Blake?" I asked. "Are you okay?"

But he turned around and walked away.

He didn't saw anything, he just left.

"Blake, wait for me!" I yelled as I hurried behind me. "Please wait!"

He stopped by a tree and faced me.

"Why are you doing this again Alex?" Blake asked me as he shook his head. "Why?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked him. "I don't understand."

"Why are you leaving me again? Don't you understand that I need you here with me? I can't let you go again last time you went away it took you seven years to come back, I can't be that long away from you, it will be devastating for all of us especially Nina."

"Blake, listen I know that you are afraid that they will hurt me again, but I changed, I am not the same little girl as I was before, besides if I stay here I will just be in the way for you and Nina, I know you love her but because of what happened when I was fifteen you think that I will be against it but I'm not, we gave it a try Blake, but I was too hung up on Brad and everything that happened, we are nothing but very good friends, I know that you see me as such and I know that you love Nina so if I am stopping you please don't."

"No Alex, please stay here with us, this is a very bad idea." Blake pleaded. "Just think about it one more time before you realize your mistake."

"Blake I can't be running away from my problems anymore I have to face what I left in the States, please understand me because this is something I have to do." I told him as I tugged the sleeve of my black blouse, I was only wearing black.

Ever since mom left me every day I would mourn her lost.

"If you go will you promise to come back? Do you promise that you will not let them keep you there?" Blake asked, he was afraid that I would forget them all.

"I honestly don't know if I'm in the position to promise." I said in a small voice. "Not anymore Blake, how can I promise something I'm not sure I will be able to keep up?"

"Alex, you have to understand what you mean to all of us, after all you are the youngest one of all of us." Blake said as he looked at me. "You have to understand."

"And what is that?" I asked him. "What am I to all of you?"

Blake got close and hugged me tightly.

"You are our hope, you are everything. You have no idea how bad it was to see you all broken down."

"Blake, whenever I was bullied I was too afraid to ask for help and even when I did the teachers, no one paid mind to my pain, what if there is someone else that is going through all of that? You know that it took me a couple of months to confess but yes I did have several suicidal thoughts while I was bullied, but I somehow stayed strong, I was saved in time, what if I'm too later for someone else?"

Blake gave a deep breath.

"Alex, but you can't expect to stop it just like that." Blake told me. "But one day they will."

"When will they stop? Until the price to pay is a person's life because believe me when they bullied me I was tempted more than one to end up all of my suffering, to end up with my life and I can't risk somebody's else life not if I can help it." I told him, I had never said this out loud.

I was against suicide for a reason.

I had almost committed it once before myself before I realized how stupid it was.

I couldn't let them defeat me, not like this.

"But if you go will you come back?" Blake asked. "Will you?"

"I will try, but you have to know that what I'm going to so is not going to take a day or two, it might take months or even a year." I said as I looked at him in the eyes. "I don't know how long I will be there."

Blake hugged me.

"When are you leaving?" Blake asked me as I closed my eyes enjoying his warmth.

I had felt so cold the last past days.

I had felt numb.

"In a three days." I answered him. "I'm leaving in three days."