She is beautiful. Never in my life have I seen a woman so gorgeous. I stare at her like I'm in a trance. I must be, because it's impossible to look away. Her red lips. Her soft closed eyes. He long blonde hair. Her hips. Her hands in the red sparkly...
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I walk back into our shared room. I take a deep breath as I slowly close the door behind me. My hand lingers on the doorhandle for a moment. How do I tell her? I knew I had to leave at some point, but the thought almost seemed unreal. I genuinely thought I was going to stay here forever. Not once did it actually occur to me that the day I am supposed to leave would ever come. I was blinded by my love and happiness, not thinking this could ever end.
Duty calls. Isn't that what they say? I'm not the first to go through this. Millions of soldiers leave their wives and kids behind without ever returning. I know I promised Ashley I wouldn't leave but I can't give up now. We have to free the world from these nazis, if we don't gods know what will happen. I'm doing this to protect Ashley. If we don't win this war then she'll get hurt too. Maybe it's just an excuse but if the war ends, everyone will be safe, and I will return a hero. I will return.
Ashely is sitting on the bed. Her once messy blonde hair has been combed so the beautiful strands flow down her back like a waterfall. She's wearing a blue dress with white gloves and a pearl necklace. The blue is a sharp contrast to her usual red clothing. Blue definitely looks good on her. It's gentle and soft. She turns her head around when I take a step closer on the creaking wooden floorboards. The smile on her lips is soft and her eyes are filled with love. The sight makes my breath hitch. The way she's looking at me says a lot more than a thousand words ever could. That makes this even harder.
"Ash..." I hesitate for a moment before continuing. "We need to talk." I fidget with the fabric of the waistband of my pants before I quickly hide my hands behind my back. I take a deep breath and finally look up at her. She looks concerned. How will she react to what I'm about to say? Will I lose her forever? The thought is terrifying. My Ashley not wanting to see me anymore is terrifying. Her with another man is even more terrifying. Will she go to the piano guy? I think his name was William. I still remember when he was sick and how he promised to kill me if I hurt her. I don't give two shits about that. I'm more concerned about William shooting his shot with her. What if I come home from war only to find her in bed with fucking William? I'd be furious. But only at him, not at her. I could never be angry at Ashley.
I'm spiraling and Ashley seems to notice. I feel a small warm hand on my arm, and it immediately calms me down. Her presence is like a warm candle that radiates warmth and light. I take a deep breath and put my hand over hers, pressing it against me because I never want her to let go. She always manages to calm me down. I can feel the way she's looking at me with concern and confusion. "What's wrong Michael?" She asks in that sweet voice of hers that can bring me to my knees. I take another deep breath and close my eyes for a moment. Here goes nothing.
"Ashley I'm leaving." The words fly out of my mouth before I even have a chance to find a better way to tell her. I keep my eyes tightly shut, almost thinking she's going to hit me, but when nothing touches my face, I slowly open my eyes. "What?" Her voice trembles slightly as she speaks. Her normal foxlike blue eyes are blown wide like a scared animal. I feel a sharp pain in my chest as I look at her. I can feel her small hand slip from my arm as she looks at me with shock. My hands quickly find their way to her shoulders to somehow ground her.
"I'm leaving to fight the nazis. I'm a soldier, remember?" I try to say calmly. This is harder than I thought. Damn those nazis. I can see Ashley swallowing the lump in her throat, trying to process it. She slowly takes a step away from me and it breaks my heart, but I also understand that this must be hard for her. Maybe she needs space. Maybe I can still fix things.
"What do you mean? You promised you wouldn't leave" she says with a sharpness that I wasn't prepared for. I thought she'd be sad but that she'd understand. I should have known. Ashley isn't just sad, she's furious. I think it's about the promise. I promised her I wouldn't leave for war yet that's what I'm doing right now. I'm a lying bastard and I can already feel the guilt gnawing at my heart. If I hadn't promised I wouldn't leave, Ashley would have dumped me. Not only am I a lying bastard but I'm also a selfish piece of shit.
"Ash-" I try to say to calm her down as I take a step closer, but she cuts me off. "Don't Ash me" she says firmly as she takes another step back and points at me with that beautiful finger of hers like I'm the devil himself. I can see the anger but also sadness in her blue eyes and something else. Is that...hate? The mere thought destroys me. The love of my life hates me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
"You promised you wouldn't leave you fucking piece of shit." She raises her voice at me and her harsh tone makes me twitch slightly. I bow my head in shame as I let her words wash over me. Her shoulders are tight with tension, her hand balling into an angry fist at her side. How will I ever fix this? She clearly hates me. What do I do? Without Ashley I'm noting. Maybe I shouldn't have promised her that. If I hadn't she would have dumped me but at least she wouldn't hate me.
"Ash, please don't be like that" I say as I take another step forward to try and fix something, anything. I reach out towards her with trembling hands, but she slaps my hands away. She's looking at me like she's disgusted by my presence. I can feel my breath quicken, panic slowly taking over. What am I going to do without Ashely? Without her I'm just a miserable soldier with nothing but pain and a gun. Please don't do this to me Ashley. Please.
"No! fuck you, Michael!" She yells at me. I wince at the clear anger in her voice. She hates me. She actually hates me. She takes a few steps back, clearly not wanting me to be anywhere close to her. "I told you I didn't want to get attached because I knew this would happen. You promised me. You swore. You made me feel like I was the only thing that mattered to you. You made me think that someone could actually love me. As soon as I spread my legs for you, you leave like all the other assholes. I should have known" she says with her scoff, her teeth clenching. I feel my body completely freeze. She's comparing me to those assholes who only want her for sex. She's talking like I don't actually love her. Like my plan all along was just to get in her pants.
"Ash-" I try to say to assure her that I never planned to sleep with her and that it was her idea but she cuts me off. "Get out!" She yells while pointing at the door behind me. I hesitate for a moment. I want to hold her and tell her I love her with all my heart, but the hate and sadness written all over her face completely freezes me. "I said get out!" She yells again. I can see the tears welling up in her eyes, but she refuses to let them fall. Refuses to let me see her vulnerable. Refuses to let me comfort her.
I let out a sigh before I turn around and walk out, closing the door slowly behind me. I need to let her cool off for a moment or she'll never forgive me. I walk out of the hotel with my head hung low. I feel completely destroyed. My only hope is that Ashley will forgive me. It's raining. It's not pouring down though. It's just gentle little taps against my skin. I sink down on the ground against the hotel wall, looking at my hands. The hands I once held her with. What have I done?
