She is beautiful. Never in my life have I seen a woman so gorgeous. I stare at her like I'm in a trance. I must be, because it's impossible to look away. Her red lips. Her soft closed eyes. He long blonde hair. Her hips. Her hands in the red sparkly...
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The sunlight streams through the window, hitting my face. The black from my closed eyes turns a red brown. I reach up half-asleep with my hand and hold it over my eyes so red brown turns back to black. I let out a tired groan and roll onto my side. The sunlight warms my back making me take a deep breath of contentment. Somehow my body craves even more heat. I reach out with my hand, trying to find Michael but all I feel are empty sheets. I slowly open my right eye to confirm my suspicion. Michael is nowhere to be found. I slowly sit up in bed and look around. It's only now that I notice the sound of the shower. I feel my heartbeat slowdown in relief.
"Michael!" I call out mostly because I'm bored. There's a moment of silence, then: "yeah?" he calls back from inside the bathroom. I say nothing, just rub my nose with the back of my hand. Then he calls out again, this time louder. "YEAH?!" I can't help but chuckle a little. He's adorable. "Love you" I call back. Another moment of silence. "Love you too!" He calls back. I can hear just by the sound of his voice that his heart is racing.
Five minutes later He walks out of the bathroom, a towel over his shoulder but nothing covering him. I stare at him for a long moment. My gaze flashing down just once before I look away. He reaches for his military clothes that he laid out on the chair. There's something different about him. I study his expression closely. I can feel the dread radiating off him like smoke from a factory. That's when I remember. He's supposed to leave today. I freeze for a moment. I completely forgot about it. He's supposed to leave today, and I might never see him again. He might die at the hands of a German, and he'll be carried home in a coffin. I probably won't even know he's dead because who would tell me? His family doesn't even know I exist.
I take a deep breath and push those thoughts away. I need to be there for him now while he's still alive. "Where are you going?" I ask softly as I stand up to grab my own clothes. He turns towards me while zipping his pants. I've never seen him like this before. He's clearly trying to hide his sadness. "We're supposed to meet sergeant Thompson at the club. He's buying a last drink for all of us" Michael mumbles under his breath while pulling his army green T-shirt over his head. I nod my head to acknowledge his words. I think if I spoke now my voice would break. I pull a normal blue dress over my head, but it doesn't feel right.
Michael grabs his military backpack, not putting it on yet. "I guess it's goodbye" he mumbles, looking down at the floor like the air physically pains him. I smile sadly at him before walking up to him and gently cupping his face. "Not yet. I'm going to the club too. Richard asked me to sing a farewell song to you and the others" I say softly while gently stroking his cheek. When my words reach his ears, he immediately looks back up at me like I told I him he is immortal. "Really?" He whispers, his voice shaking like he's in the middle of an earthquake. I slowly nod my head in response. "Yeah. Just go. I'll meet you at the club."
The club isn't full of life like the usual nights. It's early in the morning. The sun is barely out and the whole town is asleep. The club isn't buzzing but small voices echo throughout the building. The soldiers are talking in hushed voices, enjoying their last drink. I'm backstage. I've been here so many times but now it feels unfamiliar. The knowledge that Michael will never come back here again after my performance with a cigarette bothers me more than I'd like to admit. I changed into a red sparkly dress. Not just any dress. The dress I wore when Michael saw me for the first time. The fabric feels tighter over my skin than usual. Have I gained weight? Not enough for me to notice in the mirror but enough for me to feel it. William has been telling me to gain weight for months, but I never really did anything to try and gain weight. People like me slim, and I don't like food, but I guess I've been eating more ever since I got with Michael. That man is doing weird things to me.
I step out on stage. The soldiers clap, all in their gear. It isn't like the excited claps I'm used to. It's small, appreciative, like they know this is their last moment of happiness and they're going to cherish it. I walk up to the microphone. Everything is quiet. My eyes search the crowd for Michael. I find him all the way in front staring right back at me. His gaze is full of love or was it sorrow?
"I got my red dress on tonight Dancin' in the dark, in the pale moonlight Done my hair up real big, beauty queen style High heels off, I'm feelin' alive"
I reach up and wrap my hand around the microphone, holding onto it tightly. I can already feel tears well up behind my closed eyelids, but I won't let them fall. Not yet. Not in front of all of these people.
"Oh my God, I feel it in the air Telephone wires above are sizzlin' like a snare Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere Nothin' scares me anymore"
I wish it was true. I wish nothing scared me anymore. Most things don't scare me, but war does. Especially the thought of losing Michael to the war. Losing him at all scares me the most and I don't know why. I told myself he's just another soldier but over time he's grown on me. I've fallen for him, and I have no idea of why and how. He's not the biggest, or the strongest, or prettiest, or the kindest, or the most romantic. He's just Michael.
"Kiss me hard before you go Summertime sadness I just wanted you to know That, baby, you the best"
I sing softly into the microphone. This song is special to me. I've been saving it. It's for Michael and me. I poured all of my feelings into the lyrics. I wanted him to hear this from me before the world tears us apart.
"Got my bad baby by my heavenly side I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight"
I open my eyes and there he is. Michael. Looking at me like I'm the only one in the world. I can see the way his eyes widen at my last line. Are his pupils dilating or is it just me?
"Think I'll miss you forever Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky Later's better than never Even if you're gone, I'm gonna drive"
I can see the way Michael's hands twitch on his knees. It's like he's restraining himself from jumping up onto the stage and hugging me. His eyes bore into me like spears. So intense but not painful. He's just staring like a man trapped between heaven and hell.
"Kiss me hard before you go Summertime sadness I just wanted you to know That, baby, you the best"
Applause. It's loud. Louder than usual like all the soldiers are pouring everything into giving me a goodbye. But it's not me they're saying goodbye to. It's this town. It's the freedom they have outside of war. I'm just a symbol of that. A symbol of what they lose today and what some of them will never experience again.
