Sleep State

Chapter 15

- Christian -

It's one thing to feel a certain way. It's another to admit to it.

The exterior of his shell remained strong and hopeful while his heart and every inch of him within trembled with anticipation. Would Ana feel the same way? Would she accept what he had just exposed on behalf of their situation, on behalf of how much he fucking cared for her? 

The overflow of emotions captured and bundled together inside his chest was new and frightening. He struggled to contain and suppress what he felt, but it was not that simple. A man of dignity and reservation could not possibly crumble at the hands of a beautiful woman, but he had because honestly he did not know what type of man he was anymore. What he thought he knew and what he assumed had been stripped from him. He was nothing more than a lovesick man who could not bear the thought of losing her, and knowing that scared him even more.

Ana's eyes searched his face up and down with disbelief and utter shock. Oh no, he thought. By the looks of her reaction and the way she took a step back from him, he knew he was headed into another storm with her.

"You don't love me, Christian." Her voice carried off as she turned her back to him and folded her arms against her chest. 

Who the fuck was she to tell him how he felt? If anyone was in denial here, it was her.

"And what makes you so sure that I don't?" Christian cross-examined her blunt statement. "What makes you the expert on my feelings?"

Maybe his last inquiry was a bit harsh, but so was the truth sometimes. She could build her walls up higher than the skyscrapers. She could clog her mind with mythical thoughts of her skewed reality, but none of it would change the fact that he loved her. 

"Because you can't possibly love me. You don't even know me." Ana rattled off her short list of reasons, ones he had heard before. "You're just saying it because you think you do."

Up high above ground level amongst the twinkling lights, it was the perfect setting to make amends and proclaim his true feelings. A leap of faith was how he justified it. A chance to be shot down again. How would he make her see? How would he make her understand? But most importantly, how would he make her accept the waterfall of affection he had for her? 

Christian licked his bottom lip and curled his fingers into the palms of his hands. His nails dug deep into his flesh and he counted to three before he reacted. This impossible woman aroused his temper with all her damn curiosity and knack for picking apart every little detail this place had to offer. It was aggravating, and downright infuriating at times, but he wouldn't have her any other way.

As he simmered his frustration, he knew he needed to take charge. He needed to show her how serious he was about his proclamation. The severity of their storm had peeked and he was ready to dive into the eye of it.  

"You're right. I don't know you." He responded with one step forward in her direction.

"Exactly. You don't." Her agreement was quick. "You only know as much about me, as I do about myself." And that was the sad truth. 

There was not a lot to conclude about her besides what was on the surface. Christian could only draw up what he knew and what he had learned in their short time together. So many things were left unsaid and so many things would go unanswered. Each to their own neither could give a thorough explanation of how they came to be. No history to define their mold, none they could remember at least. Their assumptions were all based on their current state, and while they stayed true to their form, one could not wonder if somehow this universe had changed them. None of that mattered, though. No psychological evaluations were needed, not when their time was of the essence.