Sleep State

Chapter 17

- Ana -

Helpless. Her current existence felt utterly and completely helpless.

It had been five days since she awoke from her sedated sleep and each day she faced a new struggle, a new annoyance. She had seen in studies and on occasion experienced first hand during her clinical days the aftermath of what a medically induced coma could do to someone. One would think after all that time of resting the metaphorical battery that kept them running would be recharged. Life would pick back up from where it had left off, but that simply was not the case. It was a long and tiresome process from the moment you woke up. Constant surveillance by a team of medical staff. Extensive therapy took place that was both physical and mental. It was a never-ending battle to find that person you once were only to be disappointed that you would never fully find them again. Being on the brink of death changes you. It does things to you that opens your eyes and closes your heart in ways you never thought it could. She was no exception.

Ana half wished she would have been a miracle case. To rise up and walk away without any strings attached. If only she had been so lucky. Instead, she found herself plastered to her hospital bed day in and day out. No more than two visitors in her room at a time and with her head still throbbing at most hours of the day, there was not much she could do. Television was out of the question as it required her to focus and rapid movement of images messed with her head. A book would have been nice, but after only a paragraph she found herself exhausted. Music was too loud. Eating hurt. Writing required muscles that didn't know how to function properly yet. Even talking was sometimes a challenge as words escaped her and she lost her train of thought more often than she would have liked. It sucked. All of it sucked. So desperately she wanted to feel her independence again. She wanted to be able to do all the things a normal, healthy individual could do without the frustration or the assistance. But it was going to take time. That's what the doctor kept telling her over and over again. She swore the next time he mentioned it, she would find the strength to lift her arm and slap him across the face. She got it. These things take time, but it didn't mean she was happy about it.

For so long, she witnessed how someone in her shoes dealt with the situation. She could have never imagined then what it would be like to trade places. She never wanted to know. She hadn't asked for this.

The man, who had been her catalyst to her situation stilled remained transfixed in his sleep state. From what she knew now, it shook her to know how someone's irresponsible actions could be so damaging. Every time she let the thought of him seep into her mind it brought a wave emotions she hated. She would become a freaking bag of party mix complete with every emotion under the sun. Sometimes she became sad while other times she became downright annoyed. Then it would turn into pure hatred followed by empathy because she knew just across the hall he was paying the ultimate price for what he had done. 

Ana wondered at times what she would say to him when or if he awoke. Would she shout at him? Would she curse him to his death bed? Right now, it felt like the only option, but when she wasn't blinded with rage a part of her knew she wouldn't be so cruel. The mean bone in her body was tiny and most likely fractured. As much as what he did was wrong, she could not turn back time and change what happened now. What was done was done. She would have to move forward and keep fighting the good fight until she was back on her own two feet again. 

"Hey, stranger." The friendly and bubbly voice of Kate entered the room. One o'clock on the dot. 

Every day she arrived at the same time and greeted her with the same optimistic expression. She held out hope for her recovery more than anyone, even her parents, but she knew buried somewhere in Kate's soul was a shattered heart. She didn't know it, but she heard her weep one day to her as she pretended to be asleep. It wasn't hard to give off the illusion that she was resting most of the time since most of her body didn't move without a little help from others. She shed her tears hard and somehow remained somewhat reserved. It broke her own heart to know how much Kate was upset by what happened. It seemed she was not the only one affected by the matter. The people she loved were along for the journey as well.