Things Bucky Barnes Doesn't Do Well

Modern Fashion

"This is unacceptable," Natasha said, her hands on her hips. She was standing next to Steve's bed, on which all of the super soldier's clothes were laid out.

Steve sighed heavily and Bucky hid a smile, both of them sitting against the wall, watching her. "What's the problem, Nat?"

She waved her arms eloquently at the pile. "Your choices leave something to be desired, Steve. There's no way I'm letting you take Sharon out in any of this."

Snorting, Steve got to his feet, and glanced down at Bucky. "I appreciate the input, but I've taken her out before," he said defensively.

A smirk spread across Natasha's face and she shook her head. "I'm as delighted as anyone that you're willing to go on dates, but I find it... concerning to consider what you think is appropriate for them."

"What do you think, Buck?" Steve asked, looking for an out.

"You never could dress yourself," Bucky replied. Natasha grinned in victory and Steve looked betrayed.

Glaring at both of them, Steve folded his arms over his chest. "I do just fine on my own."

"Not in everything," Bucky told him.

"Alright, what do you two geniuses suggest?" Steve grumbled in defeat.

Natasha smiled again. "We should go shopping," she said in a tone that forbade argument. It didn't stop Steve from trying.

"Not all that fond of how the last time we went to the mall," he told her and she gave him a look. "Fine, let's go."

"Right now?" Bucky asked, a little surprised.

Steve headed for the door, grabbing a jacket from the bed on the way. At his choice of covering, Natasha grimaced, then winked at Bucky. "Seems like the only way to keep certain nosy people off my back," Steve called over his shoulder.

Getting to his feet fluidly, Bucky followed the two of them out of the room and down the hall to the elevator. Natasha hummed the whole way, and Steve glowered. Bucky watched them silently, unused to seeing Natasha in such a good mood and Steve in such a bad one. It made him feel unsafe.

The doors opened on the ground floor, and Thor was standing just outside. He looked up in surprise when he realized the elevator was occupied, then he smiled. "Off on a mission?" he asked.

"No," Steve said at the same time that Natasha said, "Yes."

Thor looked at Bucky, who shrugged. "I see," he said slowly.

"Natalia thinks Steve needs some new clothes, so we are going shopping, apparently. Want to come?" Bucky suggested.

Smile returning, Thor nodded. "It sounds like a pleasant way to spend the afternoon. I haven't been to a Midgardian clothing store in a few months."

"Me neither," Bucky agreed after a pause in which the other two didn't speak. Both had at least smiled in greeting at their teammate, but now were silent. Except for Natasha's humming.

They walked out of the building and caught a taxi on the curb. Fitting two super soldiers and a god into it was an issue, but they managed. Natasha told the driver where to go, and Bucky and Thor made small talk on the ride. The Asgardian had been off-world for a few weeks, then visiting Jane for a week, so there was much on which to catch up. It helped cover the uncomfortable silence between Natasha and Steve.

Finally, the taxi came to a stop and the four of them extricated themselves from the tight quarters. The store was not one Bucky recognized, though the presence of mannequins in the windows, presumably wearing the latest fashions, gave him sufficient information. "What's the plan?" he asked as they walked in. It was cool and smelled nice, but was very quiet. Not many patrons filled the aisles, which put him a little on edge.

"What did people do for fun back in the dark ages?" Natasha teased, then looked at Thor with the slightest expression of chagrin (more than Bucky had ever seen on her face, though).

"Wasn't invited," Steve replied shortly.

"We went out dancing, mostly. And you were invited. I invited you," Bucky corrected him in a mock-hurt tone, causing Steve to smile.

"Well, today, people go out clubbing. And they certainly don't wear khakis and a plaid button-down to do it in," Natasha said after a pause to see if Steve would respond.

Thor looked faintly surprised. "Clubbing what?" he asked.

"Going to clubs. Dance clubs," she added when the three of them didn't look any more enlightened.

"I see. I believe Jane's friend Darcy has talked of them to me," Thor offered, and Natasha smiled at him.

"What you need are skinny jeans. Not too skinny; you're not emo or in your twenties," she began, then stopped, looking at them sharply. "Not your early twenties, anyway. Dark colored, preferably grey or blue. Slacks are also acceptable, same color scheme. Don't wear black; everything will be black in the club. Button-downs are fine, but should be a solid color. Wear a blazer or a vest over it, but it doesn't have to match the pants. Absolutely no sunglasses, but a nice watch is fine." As she was talking, she led them around the store and pointed out suitable attire. It was more than a little overwhelming, and they exchanged glances several times. Thor seemed by far the most comfortable with the whole idea.

"Okay," Steve said slowly when she finished. "But you really think Sharon would want to go to a dance club?" he asked quietly.

With a smile, Natasha shrugged. "I don't know her that well, but I think you should be prepared. And the outfits will be good for going out to a casual dinner, too," she assured him.

Some more guidance was required for Steve and Bucky, but Thor was content to start looking right away. Natasha stuck around until they were a little more comfortable, then went to find her own choices in the women's section. It was certainly intimidating to consider all of the options (far more than either of them were accustomed to having), but they managed. When she returned, she insisted they try them on and let her see before she'd let them buy anything.

This took considerably more time than Bucky expected, and he did not like changing clothes in the little room. He liked less having to go out and find his friends, potentially running into other customers or, worse, salespeople. Fortunately, Natasha deemed his current wardrobe already better than Steve's, so he was only forced to pick out two outfits. Steve needed five. Thor was informed he didn't need any, which made him grin, but he joined them nonetheless, ending up with two.

"Well, what are you getting?" Steve asked, a little sourly, when the ordeal was over and he'd done as Natasha had told him.

The redhead held up three dresses: one blue, one silver, and one tan. Their shape was evident even without being worn, and would likely be tight. As most of Natasha's clothing was.

"You aren't going to try them on?" Thor offered.

She shrugged. "I come here all the time. I know what fits."

"Are you going to make us come with you from now on?" Steve questioned, sounding worried.

Natasha laughed. "No, Steve, I'll let you keep dressing like it's 1945 in your free time. Just can't let Sharon down when you take her out," she teased.

Steve sighed in relief and they all laughed.

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