Things Bucky Barnes Doesn't Do Well

Stay Drunk

"I'm just saying, I think it would be an improvement," Clint was saying.

Tony waved at him eloquently. "See, it's not just me, Cap," he said.

"I'm fine," Steve said defensively, waving them off.

"Come on, Rogers," Tony implored.

Steve stopped and turned to Bucky. "What do you think, Buck?"

Bucky shrugged. "I think you need a way to relax."

"Yeah, drinking to relax has never gone wrong for anyone," Natasha muttered under her breath.

Tony frowned at her. "I'm not saying he should look for the meaning of life at the bottom of a bottle. Capsicle might just enjoy our poker games if he weren't the only sober one," he told her.

She smiled thinly. "We could just not drink," she suggested.

"Women," Tony responded, shaking his head slowly.

Steve smiled slightly. "It's an important part of the male bonding experience, Nat," he explained.

Natasha snorted. "Fine, you boys have fun. Is Pepper around?"

"Miss Potts is on the 4th floor, Agent Romanoff," JARVIS interjected before Tony could respond.

"Thanks, JARVIS," she said with a smile, and headed out of the room.

"So, what do you say, Cap? Can I look into finding a way to get you drunk?"

Steve shrugged. "Do what you have to, Tony," he responded. "What do you need from me?"

"Just some blood."

Wrinkling his nose, Steve nodded. "Fine, Stark. Hopefully you'll have more success than your – than the last time some scientists got ahold of my blood."

"You'd better destroy it when you're done with it," Bucky said suddenly.

The three other men turned to look at him sharply.

He cleared his throat. "HYDRA would kill for a sample. And they're not the only ones."

"I'll be careful," Tony promised. "No one can get their hands on my stuff."

Bucky nodded slowly, still looking suspicious. "See that they don't." Then he turned and headed out, leaving the other three looking at each other in surprise.

It took a while – a few months and more than a few pints of blood. Steve didn't complain too loudly about the loss, nor did he push for results. Tony had other things to do, of course, but was very intent on finishing this project. No one else was more than mildly interested in the idea, and Bucky was the only one worrying about the whole thing. It was always a surprise to see how protective he was of one of the strongest men on earth.

Finally, it was ready.

"A simple injection beforehand will make you able to feel the effects. It will wear off in under twenty-four hours, and you'll have to inject yourself again next time you want it to work," Tony explained, glancing at Bucky for approval.

"Sounds pretty safe," the latter replied, nodding.

"Sounds like a pain," Steve responded, looking dubiously at the kit Tony was showing them.

Tony shrugged. "Best I could do at this point. Let's see if it works before I make it fancier," he said.

Steve put on his mission face and nodded seriously, picking up the needle.

"Not like that," Tony said sharply, and Steve looked up in surprise. "We have to make sure everyone's available for a party," he explained.

Bucky snorted, but Steve nodded. "Alright, let's do this." He handed Bucky a syringe, too, and he looked briefly surprised.

"Yeah, let's do it," he said.

In a shockingly short amount of time, Tony had gathered everyone in the common room with plenty of alcohol, food, and games.

"Okay, everyone, ready for your mission objective tonight?" Tony called over all of them.

"Yes!" they shouted back, holding up their glasses.

"Let's get Captain America drunk off his ass!" This was met with resounding agreement, and everyone got a turn showing off their favorite drinking game.

Tony suggested the classic beer pong, though with stronger booze.

Natasha had some less deadly version of Russian roulette.

Clint had them watch a show and drink whenever common things happened.

Sam had one from his days in the Air Force that required a super soldier or a god to win.

Thor shared one from his culture, and no one had the stamina for it.

Bruce drank lightly with them, but didn't offer a game.

Bucky reminded Steve of one they used to play in the war, and Steve was relieved to play something familiar. The pressure from everyone was starting to get to him.

After over an hour one thing became clear – Tony's concoction didn't work. Scratch that – Tony's concoction didn't work on Steve. It was extremely effective on Bucky.

Sam was the first one to notice it, when Bucky put his arm around his shoulders suddenly and laughed at his joke. "You're right, Sam, you always are," he said. He didn't slur or stumble, but it was certainly out of character for the otherwise pretty quiet and stoic former soldier.

"That's because everyone loves you, Natasha," Bucky said later, when she was telling a story from a mission. She raised her eyebrow at him, thinking the comment seemed a little unrelated. Then she smiled and went to see how Steve was doing.

"He's a better marksman than me, but I'm better in combat," Bucky muttered about Clint, frowning at the table in front of them. Clint stopped his conversation with Rhodey to glance over at him.

"You okay, Barnes?"

"Sure thing, Hawkguy," Bucky replied, then giggled. Clint and Rhodey looked at each other in surprise, then back at the giggling ex-Soviet assassin.

Bruce was drinking quietly by himself and Bucky went over to join him. "It's tough being so effective sometimes," Bucky mumbled into his drink.

"Yeah, it is," Bruce replied, watching him carefully.

"That's why you're such a good friend," Bucky continued, clapping him on the shoulder. Using his left hand, which he usually kept away from people.

"Thanks, Bucky," Bruce answered, raising an eyebrow.

"Thor! Let's play that game again – I think I can take you!" Bucky shouted, getting to his feet.

Thor grinned. "Happy to, my friend!" he answered.

Bucky stumbled as he walked over, and giggled again as he did so. "I'm totally fine, guys, totally," he insisted.

Steve walked over to check on him. "You alright, Buck?"

"Just fine, Stevie," Bucky replied with a broad smile, putting his arm around Steve's shoulders.

"Looks like your stuff did its job on one of us," Steve called to Tony.

"Sorry about that, Cap. Better luck next time."

Steve frowned down at Bucky, who was leaning against him heavily. "I think someone needs to sleep it off. Twenty-four hours?" he questioned.

Tony shrugged. "Probably!"

"Great... He's so fun when he's hung over," Steve grumbled as he pulled Bucky around and headed toward the elevator.

"Stevie's the best," Bucky was muttering to himself as they went.

"Thanks, Buck," Steve said with a small smile as the elevator doors closed. "Always appreciated your faith in me."

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