Accidents // hemmings [editing]

2.9

"Mikey, please talk to me!" I sigh, throwing myself beside him on the sofa in the middle of the wall. Right now, I want to kill Calum, but I also want to thank him.

"Why should I? You fucking kissed me, Nova! You are dating my best friend." He hisses, scowling at me.

"You're the one who told me that you were in love with me! I was confused!" I raise my voice to get to Michael's level.

"You were confused? Jeez, that's rich! Try being in love with your best friend's girlfriend!!"

"Stop it! That's not my fault!" I shout, tears streaming down my face once again.

"No, I won't stop. I tell you that I'm in love with you, and you fucking kiss me, like that's going to change anything? You're still with Luke, I'm still alone. The only difference is that I feel so much worse than before. I didn't want to tell you, remember? You kept pushing and pushing and I felt guilty because it was making you feel bad. I didn't know what to do, okay? I know you don't feel the same, and that was fine until I told you and you did what you did."

"I-"

"Shut up. I haven't finished. But then you kissed me, and now my feelings have shot through the fucking roof Nova, I can barely look at you without needing to cry. I feel exactly like you did when Luke wasn't talking to you. You know how I know that? You described to me every single detail about how you felt. About how you couldn't eat, sleep, or go online, or read your favourite magazines due to the risk of seeing a picture of him, and just completely breaking down. That's been me for the past month, Nova. I don't think you understand just how much you mean to me."

"Mich-"

"Still not finished. When you told me about what your dad used to do, I wanted to go to that jail, just so I could spit in his fucking face. Thinking about you being so alone and vulnerable with him made me feel sick to my stomach. If I had the chance, I would kill him in a heartbeat. Who the fuck does that to their own daughter, let alone their own nine year old? I would risk my entire career and my freedom to get back at him for what he did to you, okay? And you won't even tell Luke. That's one of the many things that I can't get my head around. You and I were only friends for a matter of days before you told me, yet you've been talking to Luke for what, almost four months? And you haven't told him. Do you trust me more than him? Do you like me more than him? What is it Nova, because I'm losing my fucking mind trying to figure it, no, you out."

By this point, we both have wet cheeks and red-rimmed eyes from crying. Michael's voice was continuously cracking while he was talking, and at one point he had his hands on my cheeks and his forehead on my own.

"I-, I trust you more. He left me, Michael. I was going to tell him after Wembley but he left. I've been abandoned and left so many times, and when he wouldn't reply, I was going out of my mind. But you were there. You were, well you still are, my fucking rock. I don't want to tell Luke, I don't even want to think about my father anymore. I didn't even want to tell you, but when I found out that he was getting out of jail early, I was fucking terrified. But then I remembered that there's no way of him finding me because I changed myself. I changed my name, I changed my hair, I even made sure I lost weight so I could never be recognisable to him. But of course you know that because I fucking told you, I told you that my real name's Maisie Jones, not Nova Yorke, and I fucking told you that I never want to go back to who I was, to being alone and terrified because I can't do it again Michael, I can't."

I have to stop talking because my sobs take over. I hate thinking about who I used to be, who I used to know. I am Nova Rose Yorke, not Maisie Taya Jones. I am not a girl who lives in fear, but rather a woman who thrives with confidence.

However, the smallest things can knock me down.

I may put up a strong, independent front, but on the inside; I am vulnerable and tired, finding every day difficult to get through.

"I, I need to go." I stand up, and stride quickly towards the door. Wiping roughly under my eyes, I pull open the now unlocked door (Calum must have gone back downstairs), jog down the stairs and out the front door of the club. I ignore Michael's calls, and I'm pretty sure I also hear Calum shout my name, but I just pretend that I don't hear it.

I just need to get away from that place.