Behind the Big Bang

Chapter 9

Seungri

Rooming with Jiyong was quite different than with T.O.P. At first, I was nervous about being with the leader of our band. Besides, T.O.P. was starting to grow on me. He didn't complain as much about my messy habits, and we often had conversations deep into the night. I wasn't sure if Jiyong would be the same. Before, I only saw him during our practices, and although I was more comfortable talking to people now, I would still get a little nervous when Jiyong spoke to me directly.

"So you're the kind of person who doesn't have separate drawers for different things, right?" That was the first thing Jiyong said as he dragged his suitcase into my room, nodding at my overflowing dresser.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm kind of a messy person." I quickly apologized, trying to shove my drawers shut.

"That's putting it mildly." Jiyong laughed as he watched me struggle. "Seung wasn't exaggerating." I wondered how much T.O.P. had told Jiyong about me.

I blushed. "I hope you won't mind that much."

"I don't." Jiyong began unzipping his suitcase.

We didn't talk much that first day. But gradually, I discovered even the band leader had a playful side. He wasn't crazy and talkative with just Youngbae. I began to see him as a friend, rather than a leader.

One day, Jiyong was jumping on his bed, trying to touch the ceiling. Every time he came down, the floor seemed to shake, and I wondered if it would collapse. I was sitting on my bed, reading for school, but the constant tremors made it hard for me to focus. Finally, I closed the book and turned to Jiyong.

"Al... most.... there." Jiyong panted, as he stretched out his arm. "Hey, Seungri, want to try, too?"

I giggled. "I think if I do that, we might fall into the room below us."

"You're right." Jiyong seemed to notice the tremors for the first time. He stopped jumping and sat down. "Let's talk, Seungri."

I started half-singing, half-rapping, "Let's talk about me, let's talk about you, let's talk about love. Let's talk about you, let's talk about you, let's talk about love."

Jiyong clapped his hands. "That's good! You should release a solo album, Seungri!"

"Nah, I'm not good enough for that. You and Taeyang should be the ones to do it first." I shook my head.

"Wait, Seungri." Jiyong crossed his arms. "Let's get one thing straight here. Are you afraid of me and Taeyang, because you think we're better than you?"

"Well, you are." I pointed out. "But why would I be afraid of you?"

"I don't know," Jiyong paused. "But tell me, maknae, you think we all are better than you, and you're afraid you can't catch up, don't you?"

"Daesung feels like that too." I confessed. He had guessed exactly what I was thinking. "Daesung talked to me a lot about that. His parents are completely against the idea of him being a singer, so he realizes he isn't even that good–"

"What the hell?" Jiyong frowned. "He's good enough to be in BigBang."

"I feel like Daesung is giving himself a lot of pressure. He thinks he has to be some sort of musical genius so to convince his family that he actually has a future in singing." I continued. "And my parents are the opposite, they completely support me, but sometimes, that isn't so good either, because I feel pressure, too, you know, to make them proud, which is why both me and Daesung really look up to you and Taeyang and T.O.P." I finished this with one breath.

"Oh, I see," Jiyong nodded. "I figured that, too. Daesung is the kind of person to think, if something goes good, it's not because of him, but if something goes wrong, he's always to blame. That's just his mindset. Well, we can't have this kind of thing in BigBang. If any of us is going to blame himself for anything that goes wrong, it's only going to create more tension." He paused for a moment, bowing his head, as if remembering something.