Behind the Big Bang

Chapter 8

G-Dragon

After about a month together, I was optimistic about our band. We had grown much closer, and even Seung and Seungri were becoming more talkative, chatting with all the members. We had switched roommates; I was now sharing a room with Seungri, and Youngbae was with Seung. Daesung's parents continued to refuse to let him live with us, so we tried hard to make him feel included, although I knew he was still jealous.

Today, I was working with Seung, or T.O.P., today. I had written a song called Lies, and we were practicing. T.O.P. didn't talk a lot, and did what I told him, unlike Youngbae, who tried tunes that he made up, but when he did speak, it would always be something insightful. Although he wasn't as fun to work with than Youngbae, I knew Seung was serious about music, and ready to work hard.

Writing this song was tricky. I stared, frustrated, at my notepad, at the measly one page of notes I'd made in an entire hour. "Listen, Seung, and tell me if it's too high." I began singing, "I'm so sorry, but I love –"

"The boss wants you in his office!" Youngbae burst in, interrupting me. "Oh my god, I was just walking along the hall, and all of a sudden he just taps me on the shoulder, and I know you're not intimidated, Jiyong, but I swear I jumped so high–"

"Can't you see we're in the middle of practice right now?" I interrupted, annoyed. "Tell him I'll go later." I turned back to my notepad.

"You know I'm get so nervous when I'm around him," Youngbae grumbled.

"Just go and tell him, please!" I forced my voice to be calm. "T.O.P. and I are working."

"But–" He protested.

"I can go, if you want." T.O.P. offered. He started out the door.

"No, I need you to stay here and help me practice!" I ordered. Nothing seemed to be going right this morning.

"But I've already finished my part. And you want to the boss to know you can't make it now, so I can go for you." T.O.P. reasoned.

"No, I need you to see if the chorus part is okay." I took a deep breath. Unfortunately, this was the wrong thing to say.

"The chorus?" Youngbae chimed in. "T.O.P. is a rapper, so how would he know how good your chorus is?"

"Hey, just because I can rap, doesn't mean I know nothing about singing." T.O.P. stopped in his tracks, his voice rising.

"I'll stay and help you, Jiyong." Youngbae offered, sitting down in T.O.P.'s chair. "T.O.P. can get the manager."

"Youngbae, this is my and T.O.P.'s song, so–" I realized a moment too late that I had said the wrong thing again.

"Why are you so selfish today?" He stood up, but his voice was still calm. "Just because you're performing this with T.O.P. means that I can't even help?"

"No, Taeyang." I rubbed my forehead. 'I didn't mean it like that–"

"Oh, okay, I see." He touched my shoulder. "I'll go get the manager and tell him you can't meet right now." And just like that, he was gone.

I knew Youngbae didn't like to argue. I'd never seen him remotely angry. But today, he had definitely come close. I hoped this wouldn't happen again. We didn't need tension between us.

"Why didn't you let him help?" T.O.P. asked, coming back over to me.

I could feel a headache coming on. "Don't I have the choice of seeing who can work with me right now and who can't?"

Anger flashed in his eyes. "You think you have so many choices because you're the leader, but that's not how you treat your band members. Taeyang's not going to protest because he doesn't want to make a scene, but I have to say, I agree with him, and you're being really selfish right now, and–"

"Just shut up!" I yelled. "Do you think I don't have enough stress already, with them pressuring me about when we're going to debut and how are your band members and this and that? Do you think I don't care?"

"You obviously didn't care that much about how Taeyang would feel." T.O.P. retorted. "And you probably don't care about how I feel, as long as your song comes out okay–"

I shoved him, hard. I was so done with everything that happened today. He stumbled back, shocked. "Fine, you can get out, since you're finished with your rap. I'll do the rest myself. I don't need your help anymore. You just rap, so I don't think you can help much anyway."

"I just rap. I just rap, do I?" T.O.P. glared at me. "You just brought me into this band so I can rap. Yeah, that's nothing compared to how much the musical genius G-Dragon can do."

"Just get out!" I screamed so loud, I felt like I couldn't sing ever again. "Just get out."

"No," T.O.P. folded his arms. "I'm not going out until you–"

At this moment, Youngbae burst into the room a second time. "Boss wants you there now, Jiyong. I tried to convince him, I really did, but–" He stopped talking as he saw us glaring at each other.

I turned to him slowly, feeling as if my head was about to explode. "I don't need this right now!" I screamed at him too. "What does he want from me?"

"Whoa, there." Youngbae put out his hands, as if talking to his pet dog. "I don't know, he didn't say, but you gotta calm down, Jiyong. I know this room is soundproof, but if you keep on like that, you're gonna wake up even Seungri." He laughed.

"Why are you making jokes at a time like this?" I yelled, my voice cracking. I sat down, putting my head in my hands, the tears starting to fall. "Why did I ever think this band was a good idea. I'm just making everyone pissed."

I felt T.O.P. sit down next to me. "I'm sorry I got mad. You're a good leader."

"Yeah, Jiyong. We don't hate you." I heard Youngbae's voice. After a pause, he added, "At least, not that much."

"Shut up!" I laughed hoarsely, getting up.

"No, but seriously, don't worry about it. I know this first month is probably really hard for you. Sorry to break it to you, but it's only going to get harder, Jiyong." T.O.P. patted my shoulder.

"Will it all be worth it?" I wiped at my cheeks. This was a concern that I had thought about ever since our band was formed. What if when we debuted, barely anyone noticed, and listened to our song, and our months of labor would be reduced to dust? Would all my efforts be worth nothing?

"Yeah, of course!" Youngbae smiled his eye smile. "We're BigBang, and the world is going to love us!"

As we stood together in a group hug, I thought about how lucky I was to have friends like them, and Daesung and Seungri too. Then, I realized, we weren't just friends anymore, we were a family.