Ridiculous

Tiddles

Will turned around slowly to face the person who had spoken behind him. Every animalistic instinct that left in his human consciousness was screaming at him to run, except for one animalistic instinct which evolution had passed by which was screaming at him to swim away.

"Please continue... You were speaking of... what was it? ... oh yes, the Life Game" said the figure, shifting his large jaws, causing his smiling white teeth to grate with each clearly articulated syllable.

 The first thing Will noticed about the figure was his eyes, they were large, about the size of Will's fist, and milky white. The man's pupils could only be defined from his large  because of their slightly grey shade amidst their white surroundings. The Man's face was large, in proportion to his eyes, intrenched with deep lines of fossilized frowns, like battle scars. His dark black hair, in contrast to his pale complexion, protruded in agressive sharp spikes, greasy monoliths thrust in a confuing chaos of needles, like a sea urchin. His nose was, as was the rest of his face, lined and twisted, it was hooked like the beak of some bird of prey, ready to strike down on something small and furry. Beneath this protrusion lay a smile, so large that at a glance Will judged it to be a metre in width and perpendicular height, showing rows of large white glistening hungry teeth and blood red gums. This large face, which brought to Will's mind a large African tribal mask which he had once seen in the British museum, was suspended by a thin white, blue veined, neck which protruded out from a mass of black cloth that formed the man's cloak.

The man's smile grew wider and his eye's thinned a little as Will continued to stare in shocked silence, "What's wrong?" said the man, "Cat got your tongs? Not that a felines pocession of your metal two handed implement should in anyway impede your speech" He laughed at his own joke, a childish high pitched laugh that would occasionally drop down into a deep dark echoing boom then back to childish joy. He suddenly stopped, so suddenly that it made Will flinch, and exclaimed "That joke doesn't really work written down does it?"

 He thrust his face towards Will, grinning hungrily, causing Will to fall back. The grinning man shouted with vigour, his eyes bloodshot and wide with sudden life, voice distorted with excitement "It MaTters nOT! YoU SEe i Am iNtEREsTeD iN tHe lifE GAmE! AnD!" he paused and coughed, calming himself, "I am willing to pay a... substantial amount of money for that MoSt inTerESting gAmE!" he grinned viciously in anticipation, awaiting an answer.

 Will looked up at the smiling man, standing above him and finally in a choking whisper managed to ask "... who are you?"

At this unexpected reply a flash of anger briefly crossed the man's face, the creases in his skin deepened and darkened, the smile widened and strained at the corners and his eyes thinned. His right hand shot out almost as if by instinct and snaked rapidly towards Will before he could react. Then in one sharp movement the mans left hand had grabbed his right, restraining it in a vice like grip while its counterpart struggled to move towards Will. Then the moment passed and the man's face relaxed and visible loosened, he let out a little gigglle.

 Will sat frozen to the spot, staring at where the man's hand, a few centimetres from Will's neck, had stopped or rather been stopped.

 "WHeRe aRe mY MAnNers?" giggled the man through gritted teeth, he grabbed Will's left hand with his no longer restrained bony white right hand and with surprising strength, pulled Will up from his bewildered sitting position on the dirty street floor. "I have a calling card somewhere here" He muttered to himself, "Could you just hold a few things while I search through my pockets." So saying he grabbed Will's hands and cupped them. Will, still in a state of shock, obeyed unspeakingly.

 The man started to rummage through numerous unseen pockets in his cloak, occasionally handing items to Will during his search, muttering in a hushed whisper to himself as he did so.

"Now... where was it? Ah is this it!... No" so saying he handed Will a collection of fingers, removed at the stump where the blood had congealed into a sticky mess, to hold. "Hmm... Ahah!... Nope" he handed Will a brown item which Will at first thought was a dried prune but which on further inspection revealed itsself to be a shrunken head. " Oh! I'm sure its here! Always the breastpocket... Alas, no" He handed Will a silver spoon covered in a thin layer of reddish brown. " Ah! IT MuSt bE hErE!... always the last place you look isn't it... ah No... this isn't it" He handed Will a large hairy spider, in a corked glass bottle, which twitched its legs as it was transferred into Will's cupped hands.

 A half written ransom note, an eyeball, a skull with mystical engravings, a knife and a bottled foetus later, the calling card was found with a triumphant exclamation from the man.

"My Name is Tiddles, Thomas Tiddles!" he grinned, handing Will a piece of yellowing blood stained card with his name written on it, " And I would LoVe to purchase the LiFE gaMe from you" he exclaimed, grin widening in excitement, as he collected his various gruesome pocessions from Will and emptied them into another unseen pocket hidden within his cloak.

 "I... I'm sorry but its not for s... sale" stuttered Will who had finally regained the power of speech.

At these words Tiddles visibly bristled but managed to restrain himself, he giggled then whispered harshly " Well... I'll give you a while to CoNSiDer... my offer of... a milLioN PouNd... maybe more"

Will's jaw dropped at the hearing of this unexpectedly high bid, 'And!" Continued Tiddles, "If... When.... You come to a DeCiSiON... just say my name and I will be there!" He paused, letting the news and the magnitude of his offer penetrate Will's rapidly panicing mind, "And!" he shouted, "I am SuRe! Being as Clever and Wise, Not to mention handsome and intelligent, as you are! You WILL come to the RIGHT DECISION!" And with this final exclamation he began to laugh, a deep chesty laugh that shook his cloaked body. A deep echoing laugh, hints of which Will had heard in Tiddles' earlier giggling, emitted from between his large grinning teeth, 'MuaHahAHAhAhahAhAHAhAhAhAhahaHa!" and as he laughed, the shadows of the night seemed to curl around him and within moments... he was gone, leaving behind only the echo of his deep rumbling laughter to bounce around folornly in the night.

Will stoode there on the streets, lost in thought. Presently, when the chill of the night began to seep into his skin, he shook himslef. He wandered for a moment whether it had all been a dream but then he felt the square shape of Tiddles' calling card in his hand. He remembered the manic giggling man with his collection of morbid items hidden in his dark cloak, Will looked at the dark, starless night sky and whispered to himself, watching his breath drift away in white whispy coulds, "He said I was Clever, Wise, Intelligent and Handsome... what a nice man". And with this thought he resumed his walk back in the direction of his apartment.