Depredation

Flower

I feel the heat on my back of the steaming hot water showering down on me. It burnt a little where the fresh scars where on my back.

I felt tears stream down my face and felt a sudden familiar urge.
I grabed my favorite pair of scissors and opened them up. I started too slide them down my wrist. The sight of my own blood is as pleasing as waking up from a nightmare.

I quickly got out of the shower and poured out practically the whole bottle of alcohol on my fresh cuts.
It burnt, as usual and I cursed under my breath.

The tears that where coming down my face slowly stoped and I look at my own reflection in the mirror.

"Stay strong." I whispered too myself and felt the tears coming right back down my cheeks.

Right then I can't help but think of you.
I miss you.
I wish you where here.
You would have stopped me.
You would have helped me.
You would have listened too me.
Right?.....

The thought makes me gag and I turned too the toilet and puked out all the junk food I've been binging on since the past hour or so.

I look down at the beige mess in the toilet and puked again. I quickly flush the toilet, before I have the chance too puke at the sight of my own mucus again.

I can't help but think of you.
I run too my room on my tipy toes not wanting too wake my parents or brother up.

I grabed a pair of sweatpants and undergarments, along with a loose shirt.
I paused looking at the sweaters in my closet.
Most of them are yours.
I sniffled and bit my bottom lip before the tears got a chance too stream down once again.

I grab the one closest too me and tipytoe-ran back too the bathroom. I quickly slipped on the clothing I had recently set out for myself on the bathroom counter. I sigh before slidding on your sweater.

I miss you.
Do you miss me?
I know we just talked on the phone... But I can't help but wonder if you think of me as much as I think of you.

I laugh sarcastically at myself and walk out of the bathroom. I was going back into my room when a better idea came to mind. I headed into the kitchen and walked out onto our small ghetto balcony.

I fliched as I felt rain drops drip down on my bare shoulders. I reagusted your sweater and zipped it up grabbing an already soaked plastic chair and pulled it into a corner next too my plastic box, and sat down. The wet chair was cold and a little shiver went though my spine.

I can't lie, the feeling of the wind and rain felt calm and relaxing too me. It almost made me forget about my cuts... And scars .... And you....

I spoke too soon.
I just really needed one of your hugs right then. I would have done anything too feel your touch right then.
Even just too hear your voice....

I grabbed my phone and started too diel your number. I soon stop myself and remembered I have already talked too you just recently. About an hour ago I thought.....Then I cheaked the time and noticed it was already 3am.

I was a bit surprised because I was not that tired and just had the urge to write. So I pulled my notebook and pen out of a box next too me.

Good thing the box is plastic, because if it wasn't all my stuff would be drenched.

The thought made me giggle too myself as I remembered the time that my mom wanted me too get a wooden box for my stuff but, I insisted on the plastic one. Good thing.

I opened up my notebook too a blank page and started writing a small peom that came out almost naturally with no thought or effort.
I love too write.

I put my notebook and pen back into the plastic box and took a second too streach and yawn. I felt my eyes close shut as I listen too the sound of the rain pouring down, with my poem repeating in my mind...

"If you where too have a flower and then take away the sun and the rain the flower could no longer live.
There are two kinds of people in this world.
The ones that will block the sun with their shadows and dry out the flower.
And then there is the people that will stay there all day and night putting light on the flower and watering it. Now picture yourself as the flower. Which kind of people would you prefer?"