Once Upon... |✔️

...A She Malez

Bold written by LivStilinski

Italic written by Wild_Things

Underline written by Me

Times New Roman written by lunarinang

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Once upon a time, I was walking around my neighborhood. And suddenly, a flying dinosaur land on my face. Its butt kiss my face and I struggle to get out. Then there's a moldy cheese that people call it "Cheese Touch". If you touch it, people will go away from you, you must pass it to others. I touch the Cheese Touch and that dinosaur jump out of my face. Then the dinosaur turns into a hot teenage boy and he was naked. I was so damn shocked I threw the Ebola virus to his belly. The hot guy then turns into the pink Power Ranger. I touch his mask and try to get it out.

"Ew! Don't touch my mask. I just cleaned it." He sad in a girly voice as he wipes the invincible dust on gis mask where I just touched.

"HA! You think you're the only one who had power?! Take this!" And suddenly I turned into Iron Man...er, woman.

"You think you can beat me, bitch?! Game on!" He said. I stuck a foot in his ass and slap his ear.

"Who are you calling bitch, jerkface?!" I yelled in his ear.

"You know what, dipshit?" He look at me like I was Justin Bieber.

"What? I know what?" I said.

"You are a pain in my fucking ass!" He pick me upside down on his shoulder with his muscular "Power Ranger" arms.

"Put me down, you son of a bitch!" I spit at his ass and slap his ass. I wriggle out of his arms and fall face first on the ground. Turns out my face fell on unicorn poop.

"Oh, look, Miss Honey Boo Boo got rainbow turd all over her face!" He licked my nose. I crunched my nose in disgust and wipe his saliva from my nose.

"You're disgusting!" I said.

"I'm just unpredictable." He said proudly. Then came a pegasus and pooped at his face.

"In your face, shithead!" I smirked.

"At least its a pegasus' poop instead of unicorn's poop. Pegasus are so much better than unicorn." He smirked and I slapped hin. The smirked slipped off his face and I can see the marks my fingers made on his cheek.

"So by the way, what's your name?" He lean on me.

"Asselicious..." I whispered as he check out my ass.

"Er... Um... No... I mean... My name is..." I shuttered and flush. He look at me with his questioning face and I flush. "Yup! My name is Asselicious." He grinned from ear to ear.

"Nice name, Asshy. And nich butt too!"

"What's your name, unicorn poop face? 'corn' huh? Lol" I laughed. He leaned in and I freaking out. Is he going to kiss me? I closed my eyes, waiting for his lips on mone but it never came. Instead, he whispered something in my ear with his lips brushing my earlobe.

"I don't give my name out to strangers, darling."

"But I'm not a stranger, Gozinmi." I guessed his name. He was damn lol shocked. "Your name is Jerkbelly Gozinmi. I know cuz I'm with the CIA." I showed him my hidden gun.

"Woman with gun. Hmm...sexy," I rolled my eyes at him. "So, what a sexy CIA doin' here?"

"To break your fudging leg cuz you're weird." I said. I point my gun to his heart.

"Ouch. That hurts, babe." He mocked me, placing a hand on his heart. With all my fury I charge at him, we stumble back into the rocks as he tried to touch my butt. I kick his pretty fave with my kner. I remembered that I was Iron Woman so I blast him off to the sky. He landed a few kilometers from me and I can hear him grunt in pain. I was satisfied with it and walk away from the freaking weird neighborhood that the headquarter assigned me.

"Not that easy, babe." He grabbed my hand. He touch my butt and I puke at his face. Je screamed like a little girl and release my hand. I took the opportunity to tun as fast as I can from the weirdo. I saw a maze opening so I went in there I kept running till I found a huge door leading to a small group of boys singing Spice Girls song.

"Yo! I tell you what you want what you really really want so tell me what you want what you really really want I want! I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna really really really wanna zig-a-zig-ah." They sang. A curly red headed boy boy came approach me.

"Hi! You must be running from Jerkbelly Gozinmi?"

"How did you know that?"

"That little red riding hood told me, she passed here." He said. Suddenly, three little pigs push me. I crash into a werewolf. He turned into a normal human and he's hot.

"Hi! I'm Isaac."

"Who dafak are you?" I slap the werewolf's chest. Before he could say anything, a giraffe ate his legs.

He's dead. Already.

"WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THIS WEIRD WORLD?!  First the headquarter assigned me to kill Jerkbelly Gozinmi and now he is chasing me. Second, I get in this maze and found hot guys singing Spice Girls. Then, I met you, Curly Red Headed and a hot guy who was dead already eaten by giraffe. I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!" I screamed. I'm tired with this whole shit. Suddenly, Gandald the gray appear out of nowhere.

"Come, child. I'll take you home," he whispered in his weird pedophile voice.

"OMAGAAAA! Are you grandpa? SO WHEN YA GONNA BUY ME PIZZA?" I screamed. Then Dora and Boots appear. She point at Gandald and say:

"Swiper! Go away! Swiper! Go away!" Gandalf turned into Swiper and ealked away with a defeated expression on his face. Before he reach his place, a butterfly land on him and ripped his flesh to pieces.

"TAKE THAT YOU EFFING ANCIENT BEARD SLUT!" I cheered. After my little victory, suddenly somebody tap my shoulder.

"Are you done, already?" The Curly Red Headed guy said.

"Mhmm" I nodded.

"So, you want to go home?" I nodded again.

"Come, take my hand." He done something and then a teleport showed up. I grab his hand and suddenly I turned to a guy with hairy legs. Then I notice that I'm in New York City. But I'm not wearing anything. A girl screamed at me, she looks like the girl from The Carrie Diaries. I covered my 'penis' and run into a dark alley. I saw a homeless guy sleeping. I tap his shoulder and when he woke up he turned into a stone as soon ad he look at my 'sausage'.

Wow, I've got a magical penis. I stole his dirty and dusty outfit including his underwear and wear it all. Then an alien is chasing me with a gun. I ran to a thrift shop and hide. Suddenly, there's a girl who's hiding too. I don't know why she cobered her face. I shake her shoulders and she uncovered her fce. When she saw me, she sreamed and hug me,

"DADDY!"

The end.

***

August 20, 2015

we're a little bit sober, so the chapter gone longer.

1246 words.

thank you for reading