You And Me

nine.

I really hate how you can be so densely observant, Parker. But I could once again hit myself on the head, because I would be lying if I say I didn't love it too. I could hate you until your death, Parker, but that doesn't mean I can't love you to pieces while I'm at it, either.

I also hate myself - and that doesn't mean I love myself, either - for not having better control over my feelings. I'm not saying I regret ever having feelings for you, because I don't. I'm happy because I do like you.

Maybe not love, but I definitely, totally, really really really really really really like you.

Point taken? Good.

I hate myself for even having tacked on the feelings of jealousy. I know I'm not the only girl in your friends list - never can and never will be, duh - and I know for a fact that there are some girls out there who will always be closer than I am to you.

Take your mom, for example. And your sister.

And...

Well, and Jamie.

Jamie Markson. My classmate ever since kindergarten. Sweet, cute, gorgeous, beautiful, smart - she practically has everything a guy could ever want. And I mean it.

You may see me lashing out at Ariana or perhaps giving Jessica a scolding, but you can never see me doing something like that to Jaime, particularly because of three solid reasons;

(1) she has never done anything that would earn her a scolding and never will;

(2) I can never get mad at her. I don't know why, for the life of me; and

(3) she's been my friend for so long that I've long since considered her an angelic presence in my life.

Seriously. I treasure Jaime as much as Jessica and Ariana do, but it's not really my fault if she prefers to hang out with them more than with me. I don't hold any hard feelings; I'm just stating the plain truth.

And anyway, if my life restrictions hadn't been so strict, than maybe Jaime and I could even hang out as much as she did with Jessica and Ariana, I'm assuming.

But you're close with her, too. Oh-so-close. And since, yet again, I can never tell this to you face-to-face (why else would I make a book for you, if not to state what I cannot say to you in front of your face?), I would just have to settle telling it to you over here.

I do not mind your friendship or closeness with Jaime. In fact, I am amused and pleased with it, by all means. Jaime is just so sweet and so fun to be with that even a person with a half-brain could tell that you two are going to be superclose. And, really, I'm not seeing anything wrong with that.

Sure, your sweet antics could drive me crazy, but more than anything, it amuses me above all.

Blame Akihiro for bringing jealousy into the picture.

Akihiro Kishi. The only guy Jaime has ever taken a "like-like" to (and before you ask, then yes, she told me that). Akihiro can be a jerk most of the time, but I know underneath all those rough talking, he's a good guy at heart.

Akihiro can be your resident bad boy, except that he doesn't break girls' hearts left and right. He can just be a little hardheaded and stubborn, that's all.

Do you remember that one time when we were all sitting on one table during lunch? You were sitting next to Jaime, and even if it did drive me crazy, I said nothing about it.

Ariana and Jessica were each giving me a light teasing, harmless, meaningless threats that Jaime was going to 'steal' you from me. Frankly, I didn't care. Not because I didn't have feelings for you, but because I trust you. You're a very trustworthy person, Parker. I don't know if you know that.

But then Akihiro decided to be a jerk (please don't tell Jaime what I think of Akihiro, even if what I said about him is in a positive light) and started hooting beside me.

I don't know how Akihiro can become so influential, but at that time, I had never felt so jealous and teared up in my whole life. But to keep it down low, I just shrugged to let Aki know that I wasn't really interested in picking up whatever crappy thing was coming out of his mouth.

You have no idea how much I wanted to transfer over to Jose and Kale's table, just to be on the safe side, but if I did, Aki would make things much worse, maybe saying that I was so into you that I couldn't take seeing you and Jaime together anymore; or somewhere along the lines of that.

Thank goodness Jessica and Angelo were there. They at least kept my sanity intact.