No More Secrets - Ben Downed X Jeff the Killer

Too much pressure

Jeffs pov:

As I hugged ben on the bathroom floor I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He has so much he goes through.  I mean I do to but ben has it worse. To make it worse I know how ben feels. I hate seeing ben hurt. Its destroying me. I looked at ben. The warmth from our bodies made ben fall asleep.

I stood up and carried ben back to his bedroom. Awwh he is so adorable when he is asleep. I pulled back the coverd and tucked him in. Gently I leaned towards him and kissed his forhead. Good night my little prince. I smiled and left bens room.
Bens stunt earlier was annoying but very cute. I wondered back into my bedroom and shut the door. I might as well take of the lock as I dont like using it. The feelings of being trapped in a isolated area was tormenting.  I hated the fact that I could be locked in and trapped so easily.

My mind drifted back to ben. I felt tears forming in my eyes. Knock knock. I wiped my eyes and opened the door. "What do you want jane" I asked. "Want to come on a killing spree" she replyed joyfully.  "No thanks jane" I looked at the floor" she frowned "suit your self" she walked away and I shut the door.

My emotions was all over the place like they was on a rollercoaster. I felt angry yet sad. Why is it always me looking after ben. I mean I love him a lot but too ment things have gorn wrong for him.

He tried to kill himself, he got abuse at home, he pukes after meals, he is suffering from depression.  I had been to buzy with bens problems I forgot about my own.

I have depression and I have tried to kill myself meny times. I even used to cut. I have been clean from cutting for months.  I cant be week in front of ben. Not while he has his own problems.  I want to make bens problems vanish. 

I cant fall now. I have to stay strong for ben. My knife was sat on my desk. I looked at it and grabbed it. A fue cuts wont hurt will they. I cant always be the one to deal with everyones problems.

I got ben to look after. It didn't help jane braught back painfull memories.  I love jane she is my best mate. I love ben he is my boyfriend. I feel like im having to choose between them sometimes. 

Why is life so difficult. I pulled the knife to my arm. Wait its to obvious on my arm I am always with out my hoodie. I glanced down at my legs. I nodded. My trousers was lowered. I took my beloved knife and slit my legs.

1,2,3,4 the number of cuts kept  increasing. I did one final count 54 little cuts on my upper legs. There was just too much pressure in my head. Too much pressure.

Credit this part of the story  to my good pal depression0. Check out their books there good. Thank you for the idea mate :-)