Scream at the drunken moon

Chapter 35

I've been Mrs Perry for a whole month now and Tony is taking me out to celebrate tonight. If I stop being sick that is. I'm pregnant. And I'm terrified. I was taking the pill and somehow it's failed me and now I'm expecting. This so wasn't planned and I bought a test as my boobs are swollen and sore and I've thrown up the last two mornings too and yep. The best part? Until I find out how far gone I am, I don't know if it's Tony's or Mike's.
I haven't told Tony yet - he left first thing for a band rehearsal. They're going on a short tour again soon. I've just spoken to the doctor Tony registered me with and she's agreed to see me in an hour, so I'm just sitting, killing time by worrying. I've been having dizzy spells too, and I think it's because of this. I glance at the clock and see if I go now I'll be ok for time, so I slip on my shoes and grab my bag, sighing at the mess I'm in. I haven't been near Mike since the wedding. I couldn't hurt Tony or Alysha so I figured if I stay away from him, the temptation won't be there. I start up the little car I bought myself and make the short drive to the clinic, a couple of stray tears escaping as I drive. Even if this baby is Tony's, I am not ready for this. My head is spinning as I pull up, with all the what ifs and worst case scenarios. This stress is going to do nothing good for my condition and I feel like screaming. I'm so angry at myself and at the world in general right now.

Ok, I'm actually seven weeks pregnant. They did a more comprehensive test and I started crying when I found out this baby is definitely Tony's. One less thing to stress about I guess. I walk out of the clinic and sit down on a bench outside to get my composure back. A pair of hands lightly touch my shoulders and I scream in fright. Deja vu. It's Mike.
"Are you ok? Have you just been to see a Doctor? What's wrong Charlie?"
He's not giving me time to answer and I start panicking so I stand up and immediately lose my balance. The ground rushes up towards me but just before I hit it, Mike grabs me and stops me falling. The doctor has given me new medication which will be better for the baby and she's hoping it might stop the dizziness I've also been experiencing.
Mike picks me up and sits me down on the bench once more. He reaches into my bag for the bottle of water he knows I carry at all times and hands it to me. I take a large gulp and swallow it down quickly, the dizziness passing as quickly as it appeared.
"Charlie, are you sick?"
I shake my head, not sure what to say.
"What's going on then?"
"I'm pregnant Mike."
He looks at me in shock. He's about to open his mouth and say something when I stop him.
"I'm 7 weeks gone. It's Tony's" I mumble.
"Is this why you've been avoiding me?"
"No. I only just found out. I can't hurt Tony or Alysha and they were going to get hurt if we carried on. Why aren't you with the guys anyway? I thought you had a band rehearsal?"
"I've been sent to get lunch. Why don't you come back with me and tell Tony your good news?"
I shake my head. I need some time to get my head around the news myself.
"I'll tell him tonight. He said he was taking me out for a meal" I mumble.
He nods and stands up, taking my hands in his.
"Where's your car?" he asks.
I point to the little car park I left it in and he walks me that way.
"Are you going to be ok to drive? You're not going to get dizzy again are you?"
"I'll be fine" I say, hoping it's the truth. He nods again, a sad look in his eyes.
"I've missed you Charlie" he whispers as he turns to leave. I grab his arm and give him a gentle hug before unlocking my car and driving home. I've missed him too, but I can't be around him as I don't know if I can control myself. But then again, he won't want to sleep with a pregnant woman anyway.

I pull up on the drive, my hands still shaking and give myself a moment to compose myself. What if Tony doesn't want this baby? We hadn't talked about starting a family yet, hence the reason I was still on the pill. The doctor said it shouldn't have done the baby any harm and neither should me getting drunk on my hen night, being as it was a one off. So many things rushing around my brain. I need to talk to James.
I go inside first and switch the kettle on, a cup of coffee much needed right now. I take it through to the lounge and pull my phone out after I've put my drink on the coffee table.
I see a text firstly of Mike.
I miss you.
I delete it.
I go into the contacts and find James' name and call him.
I tell him everything. I need to talk to someone before I go insane and I know he won't judge me. He's surprised and when I tell him I don't know if I want to keep the baby he's even more shocked. It's not that I want an abortion, I just don't want to be pregnant. I'm not ready for this yet. It's not been that long since I lost my mam and my heart is still grieving for her and I'm not sure I can handle the emotional stress. I feel tears cascade down my cheeks as I sit there, listening to James' advice. I'm going to see what Tony says. Maybe I can do this.