Scream at the drunken moon

Chapter 40

Charlie is in a bad way. They said she will be in hospital for a few months while she heals. Her back and legs are the worst. I've been told I can go home next week if I keep healing the way I do but my mom says I can go there while Charlie is here, so she can help me for a while until I'm better. I haven't said anything to Mike about what Charlie confessed. She said the first time it happened she was drunk and the second - I don't know. I do know the baby we lost was mine. It turns out we were having a son. The hospital have said he's entitled to a proper funeral but until Charlie is well, that's been put on hold.
I go down to see Charlie for hours every day. I can walk pretty well now but every time I go down, she seems to have faded. She sleeps a lot and barely speaks when she is awake. It's like she's lost the will to live. I've heard her crying out in her sleep, just like she did when she first lost her mom. She isn't eating properly either and looks almost skeletal. The doctor has suggested drip feeding her and I have a horrid feeling it's going to come to that.
I carefully get up of my bed and head down to the elevator to visit my wife. It doesn't feel like we are married anymore as we spend so much time apart but there's nothing we can do until we are both healed.
I'm lost in thought as I wander down the corridor and don't notice Lisa until she stops in front of me.
"Hi Tony" she says, smiling at me.
"Hey" I say, not sure I should really be speaking to her. If she hadn't said anything and had taken the hint to stop texting, Charlie wouldn't be in here.
"Lisa, why did you tell Charlie?" I blurt out, needing to know the answer.
"Because I want you. All to myself. I love you Tony, more than she ever could, and I know you feel the same."
"No Lisa, I don't. I love Charlie. Why do you think I didn't answer your texts? She saw one and I guess that's why she told you to stay away."
I hadn't realised we were still walking and were outside Charlie's room, so I turn to Lisa.
"Lisa, please leave us alone. Charlie needs to get well" I tell her quietly. She looks pretty angry but walks off. I assume she had been coming to visit me - I can't think why else she could be here, but now that I'm going to see Charlie she's going again.
I open the door and see Charlie has her eyes closed again.
"Hey princess" I whisper as I sit and take her hand in mine. She's so cold to the touch so I pull the blankets up slightly more. It's not even cold in here but she's lost so much weight, she must be feeling it even more. She stirs ever so slightly and I see a tear roll down her face. I gently wipe it away and kiss her forehead.
"I'm sorry" she mumbles. She's not awake so I guess she's dreaming again. My heart breaks again. I should be angry at both her and Mike but I love them both too much.
I sit there for hours, talking to Charlie and feeling so much sorrow. I want her to get better so desperately but I don't know if she wants to get better. I cry myself a few times but today she hasn't woken up once so far. I go to get a drink from the vending machine up the corridor when I see Mike and Alysha.
"How's she doing?" Alysha asks and I start sobbing. They both look shocked at my outburst but it's all getting too much for me. I want her back. I want our baby back. I want to be out of here, with Charlie. Mike guides me over to some chairs and sits me down, while Alysha goes in to Charlie's room. He gets me the drink I'd come out here for and opens the lid for me, before passing it over. I take a swig of the fizzy sweetness and wipe away the tears that still haven't stopped falling.
"I miss her Mike" I mumble. He nods. Please don't say you miss her too
I think, but if he did, I know it would be in a different context to me. Well, I hope it would. He still doesn't know I know what went on. We sit and chat for a good hour before Alysha peeps through the door and calls my name. I stand up quickly and half jog over. She pushes me inside and goes to sit with Mike.
"Tony, I'm so scared. I feel like I want to die and be with my parents and our baby, but on the other hand, I don't want to because I don't want to be without you. We will be ok, won't we?"
Not only is Charlie actually awake, she's spoken more in the last minute than she has the whole time she's been in here.
I take her hand.
"Charlie, I spent 5 years wishing you were back in my life. I'm not giving up on you. I need you as much as you need me. Please try to get well so we can go home and start living again."
She squeezes my hand and gives the slightest nod. She still can't lift her arms but can move her hands slightly. I lean over her and kiss her softly on the lips.
"I love you Charlie. I always have. I always will."
She smiles. The first smile I've seen in so long. It's only a small smile but it's there.
"Ditto" she whispers.