Five

The Goodbye

When I wake up, I take a cold shower. Not to reserve water but because it helps to take the pain in my back away. Today, tobias will choose and after last night, I hope he chooses another faction. As much as I will miss him I want him to leave, to save himself. As much as Marcus will let his anger out on me. I can't have my brother suffer.

Tobias comes down the stairs, crosses the rooms and sits next to me. Nervous is written across his face as he doesn't eat. I notice his hair has been cut shorter, specially for the day. Slowly, I slip my hand into his and squeeze it, making him squeeze back. He shoves a piece of toast in his mouth before standing. I quickly reach, grabbing his shoulder and he looks down. Then I slip the plate from his hands and lift mine, taking them to the sink. A moment of peace. My breaths are slow and long as I rest my hands against the sink. My eyes shutter closed and I let my imagination wonder. Smiling, laughing, dancing around. I can see it all. My father smiling as he reads the news paper erudite realise every morning. My mother humming as she washes the dishes. Me and tobias laughing and talking to each other about the latest news. The door bell rings and I run to get it, seeing Beatrice and Caleb. They smile as me and Tobias get ready, kissing our parents good bye and walk out, ready for work in our grey clothes, all plain and similar. We smile and talk, me and Beatrice talking about helping the factionless while are brothers talk about becoming leaders of the council. The perfect abnegation life. But that won't happen. Father won't be happy. Mother will never come back. Beatrice and Caleb won't show up on our doorstep to walk with us to work. Life will never be perfect.

"Faye." A hand is placed on my shoulder and my head snaps to the intruder of my mind. Tobias looks at me and then the sink, I follow his gaze. Red drips from my hands, a plate smashed, the water turning pink. I continue to watch before picking the peaces of a plate out and putting them on the side, my hands collecting more cuts. Suddenly, a long hand grabs my wrist and I stop. It isn't tobias's.

"You can finish it later. Get your hands washed and clean and then we are going." Father commands and I nod.

"Yes sir." I whisper before he let's go. Tobias takes my hands in his and places them under the water, washing away the blood. Then, he grabs the first aid and pulls out some rubbing alcohol and bandages.

"Good luck." I whisper and he flashes me a small smile before fixing my hands.

We walk out the house together without speaking. We walk down the sidewalk, father greets our neighbours with a smile and everything is always perfect order for Marcus Eaton, except his children. Except for me and tobias; we are not in order, we are in constant disarray.

We get on the bus and stand in the aisle to let others sit down around us, the perfect picture of abnegation. Tobias holds the metal pole above our heads with one hand while he wraps his other around my waist, stopping me from falling as I pick at the bandages covering my hands, going upto my second row of joints in my fingers. Touching, shaking hands, hugging, it's not normal for abnegation, it's a sign of intimacy, so it's rarely shown, but i have a feeling tobias needs to hold me close as much for his state as for mine. A few times I would glance up, looking at the others who get on. Candor with loud mouths, erudite with curious gazes, examining every little thing. I see other abnegation rise from seats to give them away. Everyone is going to the same place today- the hub, a black pillar in the distance, it's two prongs stabbing the sky.

When we get there, father places a hand on my shoulder and a hand on tobias's as we walk through the entrance. Pain shoots down my spine and I bite my lip, holding a whimper. Father moves his hand from tobias as we walk up the stairs, but keeps his other on my shoulder. Half way, my legs begin to ache, but I ignore it as I keep my head down and continue to walk. Beside me, Marcus wipes a bead of sweat from his brow and all the other abnegation close their lips to keep from breathing too loudly, to stop them from appearing to be complaining. My eyes glance to tobias and I slip my hand in his once again, ignore the pain in my hands. He holds back, but gently, as if understanding the fact I am in pain.

We reach the floor that holds the ceremony and everyone stops for a moment to catch their breaths before entering. The room is dim, the windows blocked off, the seats arranged around the circle of bowls that holds glass, water, stones, coal and earth. Me and father follow as tobias finds his space next to an abnegation girl and an amity boy.

"You know what to do." Marcus tells him and I let go of tobias's hand, Marcus letting go of my shoulder.

"You know what the Right choice is. I know you do. I'll see you soon." Marcus walks away and it's my turn with my brother. I smile at him as he smiles back, but I can tell it's fake.

"Don't listen to father." It's the first time ever them words slip from my lips. We always have to listen to father.

"Good luck, tobias. You are my brother no matter what. No matter what faction." His eyes widen slightly at my words. As if I know he is going to transfer. But I don't care, as long as he is safe.

"I love you, Faye." He whispers before pressing his lips to my forehead.

"I love you too, tobias." With that, I walk over to where father is seated, next to some council members and their families. Father nods his head as I sit between him and a woman, one I recognise as Natalie Prior. She smiles a me and I smile back. Then her eyes dart to my hands.

"Oh dear, what happened to your hands?" She asks and I shrug.

"I dropped a plate." I reply, feeling my father's eyes in the back of my skull. They burn into my soul from behind.

"Oh, well, be more careful, and you can come to me when something like that happens again." I smile at her abnegation response before turning to the middle of the room. Gradually, people fill the room, those who are choosing standing at the edge, Those who are watching sitting in the chairs in the middle. I feel a hand grasp mine and I looks to at father. His lips are in a straight line and I see something in his eyes I have never seen before. Hope. Hope that tobias will forgive him, hope that my brother will come back. But I doubt that will happen. Tobias needs to be free, and soon, hopefully I will.