Five

The Choosing Ceremony

I stare at my reflection in the mirror as I hold the scissors. My black hair and grey clothes make it confusing to determine wether my eyes are blue or black as they scan the dark purple circles under them. I awoke many times last night from multiple thoughts of what could happen. But one showed most of all; Marcus coming after me in what ever faction I chose.

"Let me." My eyes snap to a figure in the mirror as it comes closer. "It is your Choosing Day, after all." Marcus takes the scissors from my hand and begins to cut my hair, letting black ringlets fall to the floor in curls. I take the shirt I am wearing between my hands, pulling slightly at the fabric. The grey shirt belongs to tobias so it hangs on my skinny frame, almost drowning me. Which ever faction I choose, I need to take a piece of him with me. He was the only family I had left.

"You know what to expect." Marcus says, concentrating as he tries to get my hair In a straight cut. I almost want to laugh at the fact he is trying his best to help keep my appearances up considering he always hides me away like I am an embarrassment and all the times he had scratched or left sore welts on my face.

"You'll stand in your place; when your name is called, you'll go forward to get your knife. Then You'll cut yourself and drop the blood into the right bowl." As he says the last few words, he stares directly into my eyes through the mirror. I understand his train of thought. He doesn't want me to transfer, but I know it's not because he doesn't want to be alone, it's so erudite don't try to dig anything else up.

"The knife will only hurt for a second. Then your choice will be made and it will be over." I bite my lip as he places the scissors down, on the small ledge of the mirror next to the clippers. Suddenly, my heart is pounding so hard, my face is so hot, I can barely stand it; I can barely stand. I glance at him again before he leaves me to tidy the curls of black hair on the floor.

The bus we take to the hub is crowded with different people from different factions, all going to one place. The hub. It is where the choosing ceremony is held every year. It is foggier then usual today, so when I step of the bus behind Marcus, I can't see the top of the hub; only two flashing lights at the very top of which are the prongs.

Father places a hand on my shoulder, guiding me towards the stairs with the other abnegation.

I have to get out. I have to escape.

The thought is a chant in my head and It pushes me on, giving me energy as we all walk up the stairs, our footsteps falling into sink. At first it's peaceful, listening to the sound, but soon my heart joins in. It beats faster as we get closer and I'm sure the people closest to me can hear it.

I have to get out. I have to escape.

But my heart isn't beating faster because of nerves. It's beating faster because it's growing stronger with each time them words get shouted in my mind. My eyes look up and I notice we are Close to the floor of which it is going to be held. The chants get louder as my legs begin to ache, but I ignore it. I am on fire with this thought, this need, this chance to escape.

We reach the right floor and everyone pauses to catch their breath before entering. It is set out like last year, covered windows, 5 bowls in the centre, blue lights, seats arranged around the centre in a circle. I stare at each individual one. Glass, Candor. Water, erudite. stones, abnegation. Coal, Dauntless. earth, Amity.

A ringing builds in my ears as I find my place next to a erudite boy- who gives me a harsh look- and an amity boy. My eyes land on the coals as they are lit, and that's when I realise that it isn't ringing in my ears. It's a train horn, but it's also a voice shouting my name. A voice I recognise.

Marcus stands Infront of me, his eyes staring into mine.

I have to get out.

"You know what to do." He says and it's knife like he's telling himself more then me. "You know what the right choice is. I know you do." I look just above his eyes, at his eyebrows. "I'll see you soon." He says before leaving to the abnegation.

It's the same speech he said to tobias, except no one will tell me to not listen to him. No one to tell me they will always be there for me no matter what I choose. The amity representative stands at the podium between dauntless and erudite. I don't know her name, even though I could tell you who she is in a crowd of people, buts that's because of the scar across her face. I look at her more closely, she is beautiful, even with the scar.

"Quite please." Her voice is soft as she speaks into the microphone, her nails tapping in a rhythm against the wood of the podium. Soon everyone settles down, allowing her to speak.

"Welcome to the choosing ceremony!" She leans against the podium, slim fingers wrapping around the wood. "Welcome to the day that we allow our young children to choose their own path, their own life after following rules of their parents and carers, to become members of the factions." I feel my hands clasp around my shirt, thinking of the rules of Marcus. Remembering them 6 words that would send shivers down my spine if I didn't do something right or broke one of his rules.

"This is for your own good."

"Our dependents are now sixteen and now it is upon them to divide what kind of people they will be." My eyes take this chance to look towards abnegation. Marcus has his eyes focused on the amity representative. What kind of person do I want to be? A strong person? A smart person? A caring person? A brave person? A person who tells the truth? I want to be all them people in one. But I never want to become a person like him.

"A long time ago our ancestors realised that each of us, each individual, was responsible for the evil that exists in the world. But they didn't agree on exactly what that evil was." The amity says. "Those who blamed dishonesty created Candor."

I think of how many lies I have told, year after year, about that bruise or that cut, the lies I told to keep Marcus's secret.

"Those who blamed ignorance created erudite. Those who blamed Aggression created amity."

I thing of the peace of the amity orchards, the freedom I would find there from the violence and cruelty. But as I look at them, all I see is freedom and peace for whole and healed people, capable of cheering one another and capable Of supporting each other. They are too perfect, to kind for someone like me to be driven into their arms by anger and fears.

"Those who blamed selfishness created abnegation."

Them 6 words manage to creep into my head again. This is for your own good. Always them words before Marcus delivered the first blow. As if hitting me and tobias was an act of selflessness, self sacrifice. As if it hurt him to do it to us. To do it to his children. Well, I didn't see him limping around the house last week when his coworkers left.

"And the last group who blamed cowardice created dauntless."

A few shouts ring from dauntless as some others laugh. I think of the fear swallowing me last night until I couldn't feel, until I couldn't breathe. I think of the tears that have ground me into dust beneath my father's heal. Tobias Made it look so easy... So easy to choose his new life. Is this what was going through his head? My hands begin to sweat as I wipe them against my slacks, my mind spinning slightly.

"That is how we came by our factions." The amity representative smiles as her eyes gaze across all of us. My heart beats louder and I swear, as her eyes land on the section I am in, they land on me, as if she can hear my heart racing.

"In them, we find selfless leaders, trustworthy and sound leaders in law, intelligent teachers and researchers, understanding counselors and caretakers and protection from threats within and without. In our factions, we find meaning, we find purpose, we find life. Apart from them we would not survive."

Faction before blood.

I think of them words as my eyes dart around at each faction.

Blood before faction.

Sounds better to my mind. Without family we would not be here. Family is more important. I remember reading a quote from a long time ago.

Blood is thicker then water.

Family is better then friends. They support you. They look after you. But then I think of Marcus. He has done none of those things.

My hands clench, my shirt balled in my palms.

I would rather be factionless then be abnegation. I would rather be on my own the face a life time where he is watching my every move. Controlling me like a puppet.